ANastyGorilla @ANastyGorilla
A caffeine dependent life-form. A human. Being. A man of mystery and power, whose power is exceeded only by his mystery. Hancock, MI Joined January 2011-
Tweets6K
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Followers2K
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Following722
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Likes83K
★★★★★ Now, I must confess, I approached this kit with a hint of apprehension, unsure if it could truly deliver the macho fragrance experience I cr livebearded.com/products/compl…
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Check out my Raid Chronicle to see my story in Raid so far - including many of my greatest achievements. link.plrm.zone/anniversary/gr… #4yearsRaid
Nothing says "commitment" like buying your girlfriend chicken earrings from the Cracker Barrel
Just ate a 3 month-old Fig Newton... Wish me luck
ANastyGorilla retweeted
Nothing can prepare you for that moment when you go down on that hot chick, hiccup, and head-butt her in the vagina.
Was weirdly just congratulated by my watch on my activity after taking a shit just now. I think we know Taco Bell is the real hero here
I'd like KFC served at my funeral. I want to be remembered as "finger lickin' good"
I would try to lose weight, but I'm still working on my "before picture"
Fucking mosquitoes around here can stand flatfooted and rape a turkey!
Happy father's day to me. Happy father's day to me. "Richard, where the Hell's your pants?" Today, I'm not wearing an-y!
I don't think my kids realize just how much hair I've sacrificed...
ANastyGorilla retweeted
The enema of your enema is your friend! ~ Autocorrect wisdom
ANastyGorilla retweeted
Woke up against the will of the people again
30% of laundry day is spent turning my kid's clothes right side out 😔
ANastyGorilla retweeted
At work, I say “on it,” way too often for someone who is not, in fact, on it.
ANastyGorilla retweeted
okay run it by me one more time
Telling myself "don't be a little bitch" is my self care
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an angry Wookiee @jacki_is_wookie
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Scott Linnen @ScottLinnen
17K Followers 2K Following Hamburger Helper. Because a severed hand told me to.
Craving @calluptome
15K Followers 5K Following wifey @JaymianaJones & I have seen it all used to travel now wants to hide ❤️horror films https://t.co/j1tRiOtekK
Just Call Me Frank™.. @JustCallMeFrank
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PieGuy @ilovepie84
30K Followers 6K Following My wife works two jobs so that I can chase my dream of being in a boy band. https://t.co/JhWCxIXYbK
Brian Boone @brianbooone
5K Followers 3K Following Articles for Grunge, Mashed, and Vulture; editor at Humorist Books; writer for Uncle John's since forever; incessant Mortdecai jokes here
Dɑtɱɑƞ @Inconsteveable
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Alfie @DownFrontArtist
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Marcmywords @Marcmywords2
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50K Followers 199 Following The 10th Anniversary edition of THE NEW JIM CROW: Mass Incarceration in the Age of Colorblindness by Michelle Alexander. Published by @thenewpress
Van Jones @VanJones68
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Livin' way 2.0 fast @pump_the_brakes
2K Followers 2K Following That depends on who you ask, and when and where
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2K Followers 4K Following I will use bright lights and shiny objects to distract and confuse you.
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Can someone explain this? I keep seeing it and I don’t get it
They just found some of my old monologues at the bottom of Lake Mead.
Proof that there’s a just God: the Winklevoss twins are now only single-digit billionaires.
Just had to tell my kids their inheritance is all Mr. Bean NFT’s.
I threw a potato at Elle Fanning in a past life and she came on my podcast for revenge. apple.co/TeamCoco
My fan Lindsay gets people "naked and salty" in float tanks for a living. Hear all about it @ apple.co/TeamCoco
Was thrilled to surprise my live audience at @wiltern with one of the funniest and most talented people I know, Bill Hader. apple.co/TeamCoco
To save water, I’m cutting my showers in half to one a month.
Am I crazy or have the trees been talking A LOT louder recently?
It’s called “monkey pox” because every 8th disease is named by a medieval barber.
I was on the fence about Dr. Oz becoming a U.S. Senator until I saw a profile on his chief of staff, Guy Fieri.
Had a great time chatting with @TigNotaro about her aggressively cool beverage choice, her inability to recognize huge stars, and her idea for a docuseries about wagons. apple.co/TeamCoco
My children think of me as their best friend, the one they dropped like a stone in high school.
I can’t go see the new Downton Abbey movie because I’ll tear a hole in the white person continuum.
I had a brilliant physicist on my podcast and we spent the majority of the time talking about ABBA. @ProfBrianCox apple.co/TeamCoco
I did a terrible Wisconsin accent during this fan interview and I’m truly sorry. apple.co/TeamCoco
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