Burt Battlecat @BadRadger
It’s all made up and nothing matters, except none of that is true, and neither is this. badradger.com Flat Earth Joined January 2012-
Tweets43K
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Followers2K
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Following915
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Likes14K
Reading the lyrics to John Mellencamp’s “Hurt So Good,” I’ve discovered that he’s talking about dating a hiker. Someone who literally just walks around all day everyday, and you love her so much you’re willing to do it too. And that’s the kind of love that… hurts so good.
The absolute best thing to do in Corpus Christi, TX, is to loudly proclaim in a crowded area, “Man, I love Corpus Crispy!! I don’t understand why everyone else hates it!!” multiple times a day.
Letting the J6 defendants walk is a disservice to the hundreds of millions of people who didn’t violently storm the Capitol during the certification of the presidential election. Considering it tacitly makes insurrection legal, they probably won’t. But then again…
How are so many dudes able to accidentally put their dick in the booty hole? That hole is tight and tiny and takes gentle effort to enter correctly. How could they do it accidentally and then still have no idea?
Cocaine is a party drug. If you’re doing cocaine by yourself*, you’re doing the wrong thing. * this includes if you have one of those shitty leach partners who also does cocaine with you but not in a party environment tho but like on a Tuesday at like 2pm
“No one I know talks on the phone.” But you don’t know anyone anymore. “You’re goddamned right.”
Do you suppose you’ll live long enough to see things improve in this world? Typically, empires only last 250 years. The United States of America is 247.
What do you call a chicken without the big red scrotums on her head? That can’t just be a hen thing cuz I’m seeing 6 other hens with the head scrotums, and I’m curious about the hen without the head scrotums. What is that all about?
Don’t believe the lies. There’s no such thing as a “last minute tax filing.” You can wait 45 years to pay your taxes, and if you manage to pay all the penalties, you’re good. They’ll still take your money. Every chance they get.
You have to keep reminding yourself that there are no intelligent online spaces anymore. It’s mostly robots and C.H.U.D.s now. But the tools we use are also fighting us for dominance now, so it’s not entirely the idiots’ faults.
Case in point, “dontputyourdickinthat” is hugely popular and is literally just pictures of things you wouldn’t want to put your penis into combined with hundreds of thousands of comments about whether or not you should.
Some of these “jokes” are so stupid they’re offensive. And by stupid, I mean “super low quality, with very little planning or thought involved.” If you could see what I see, you’d murder your neighbors and pull out your eyes. But I’m too lazy for all that, so it’s safe for me.
There must be a billion subreddits dedicated to millions of instances of a single joke that they absolutely beat to bloody death. And I’m having to sift through all of them. Hooray for hobbies, I guess?
You really have to be careful if you’re a Reddit user. I’ve already seen 3 videos of people definitely dying this morning, and it’s barely 8:30.
Conservatives (Regressives) sure are afraid of Liberals, amiright? Which is surprising since Liberals don’t actually do anything or get anything done. Hard left turn here, but the modern GOP is at war with basic knowledge and understanding, and they’re winning.
When I get super intent on something, my mouth gets all wet and might drool. It’s great for sex stuff. The more fluid the better, amiright? But any other time? It’s totally inappropriate!
You getting upset at my behavior is not annoying to me at all, but I’m not going to change how I act, so I’ll just stay away from you.
Realizing that online banking is probably the same thing, I sure do wish I could just once get an amount of money that required a 32-digit pin for an official wire transfer. Chances are at least mid I would never need money again after that.
Maybe they’ll shut up about Trump once he’s dead. God, but I hope it happens soon.
If you don’t occasionally break into the classic parody song Uptown Squirrel completely unprompted, especially going forward now that you know it’s a thing, then you just might be an Enemy of Fun!
Little Greenis @DurtMcHurtt
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Secured Capital Holdi.. @SCHRSF
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Ivsy @Ivsy01
40K Followers 9K Following drinking slurpees in front of 7-eleven with @The_Getawaygirl My thoughts in a box. my tweets 🤦♀️ https://t.co/0g8VMFzt2k
Cat From Nowhere @kv8
17K Followers 10K Following omnipresent in absentia, perchance frittering my time away on twitter. ok fine, X. .•| sui juris |•.
C’est La Vie @Robert_Beau
57K Followers 50K Following Real Deal ~ Part Time Penis Model ~ Full Time Asshole
Stefan Urquelle @OfficeofSteve
25K Followers 10K Following you've been smooching with everybody Blocked by https://t.co/SziO9kNFRO https://t.co/DaU98OFAMv
Not Today Eric @NotTodayEric
27K Followers 9K Following Gen X Superhero. Old people jokes for my old people followers. 90’s Kid Alumni. #cheeseburgers
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1K Followers 5K Following I am a thing. I draw pictures of other things. IF YOU WANT A THING DRAWN I CAN DO THAT FOR YOU!
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Miss Jones @OpeOnARope
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Crissie @CrissieC
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Turned on an asmr video completely forgetting that shit turns me into a narcoleptic. It’s like someone clubbed me in the back of the head. I woke up disoriented in a puddle of drool and one boob hanging out of my tank top.
Why is no one talking about how absurdly far from the wall the toilet is?
@BadRadger I altered it trying to play down the “us vs them” and said “maybe we all are wrong” And it is spiraling magnificently
@BadRadger Ah, yes—I will strengthen the bond with my ex wife and teenage daughter by telling them they’re both wrong 🤣
Ever been not sure if someone is joking or not?
penguin: large whiskey bartender: you want ice with that penguin: YoU wAnT iCe WiTh ThAt fuck you buddy
You have to turn your back on the sun in order to see the rainbow.
There are few things I loathe more than being an unwilling participant in someone else's cell phone call.
What men don’t realise is that we wish we could forget.
If anyone needs someone in their life who doesn't understand how kids 7 states away can be outside without gloves on, my mother is available.
imagine being god today and trying to explain to a planet full of people that u killed ur own son because every single one of them is a piece of shit
“Rudeness for rudeness sake is rude as fuck. Let not your rudeness create more rudeness. Rudeness is, as rudeness rude.” The Book of Rudeness 12:13
Waiter grating parmesan onto my food: Just say when Me: When I can’t see my food anymore
One nice thing about modern times is that the Bermuda Triangle has turned out to be much less of a problem than 1970s movies and documentaries had led me to believe it would be, so take that, Covid.
Ok, menfolk out there... Trim your pubes. No lady wants to start having adult cuddles with you and discover that your todger is a Bush Wookie, hiding out in the shrubs below your belt. Tidy that shit up.
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