Carbosly @Carbosly
Mother. Lover. Wondering what happened to the cow in Twister. Ottawa, Canada Joined May 2009-
Tweets29K
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Followers27K
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Following5K
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Likes34K
Today I had a work altercation with a millennial. So now I have to buy her a Hallmark card that says "Sorry I asked you to do a job we hired you to do. Sending you positive vibes during this difficult time 🫶🏻"
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Thanks for making my son’s night @VancityReynolds #GoSensGo
This morning, someone sent me a fax. Someone at my head office received the fax, scanned it, saved it as a PDF, wrote me an email introducing said fax and added it as an attachment. Hooray for progress!!!
Anyone speaks binary code? My car is trying to communicate.
If now is not a good time to eat shitloads of gluten I don’t know what is.
Carbosly retweeted
getting v. tired of living inside an interesting part of next century's history textbooks
Carbosly retweeted
showing up to my ex’s place to cash in a foot rub coupon he made me for Valentine’s Day 10 years ago but his wife was kind of a bitch about it
Carbosly retweeted
I wonder whatever happened to the people that asked me for directions
I don’t know who needs to hear this, but if you like to drive at the speed limit, the left lane isn’t for you. This lane is reserved for badass motherfuckers willing to die going to Walmart.
Renovating the basement and discovering where all the cat’s toys are at.
Carbosly retweeted
if i say to you “i’ll let you know” just go enjoy your day bro
My Sioux name would be "she who resets passwords every time she tries to log in".
Give a man a fish and he has food for a day. Also, he owes you $15,99. Bitch, do I look like a charity? That fish ain't free.
Carbosly retweeted
Happy Birthday to 1/365th of my followers!
My VP texted me during his Mexico vacation. He couldn’t wait to share his newest find. Something that would revolutionize the way we do marketing. A QR code. That was his big discovery.
The woman in front of me is purchasing tampons, chocolate bars, pickles & a pregnancy test and I want to follow her home to see how it ends.
Carbosly retweeted
Can't wait to find out what kind of fancy moons 2022 has in store for us.
Carbosly retweeted
my uncle walked in to chistmas, filled a plate, ate in a separate room, and left. he was here 4 minutes
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459 Followers 86 Following Them: What do you want to be when you grow up? Me: Kind.
Name everything you see that’s wrong…
@liz_churchill8 Where is that info? I thought these were meant to be neighbourhoods with everything within 15 minutes walking distance or something. How did you derive lockdowns and climate checkpoints from this?
@buitengebieden 🤣 an Here i am thinking my turtle just doing random stuff
Ask your lawyer if "Shut the Fuck Up" is right for you.
Finally, we get to use Elongate as scandal name. It’s kinda perfect. 🤣
[At McDonald's] Me: Is the ice cream machine working? Employee: Yes. Me: Great! I'll have a... Employee: APRIL FOOLS!!!!!
It's only April and I've already swallowed my eight spiders for the year.
inventor of roller coasters: what if train drivers did meth?
getting v. tired of living inside an interesting part of next century's history textbooks
showing up to my ex’s place to cash in a foot rub coupon he made me for Valentine’s Day 10 years ago but his wife was kind of a bitch about it
I wonder whatever happened to the people that asked me for directions
If someone ghost you, respect the dead & never disturb them again.
“did I just run over a dildo???” was something I did not expect to say today, but here we are
if i say to you “i’ll let you know” just go enjoy your day bro
I used to accidentally repeat stories to my friends a lot but now I just say “I think I’ve already told you this” and say it again anyway
pranking my dentist by putting a live bird inside my mouth
Can't wait to find out what kind of fancy moons 2022 has in store for us.
my uncle walked in to chistmas, filled a plate, ate in a separate room, and left. he was here 4 minutes
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