You can now compost with human remains and I’ve already been asked to fertilize an orange grove.
I’m a lifelong @RedSox fan, but it’s still a thrill to watch Aaron Judge (@TheJudge44) chase Maris’ home run record. (Looking forward to my beat down at Logan Airport.)
My wife knows the only DM’s I slide into are my Denim Moccasins.
In California, after 15 weeks the fetus is given a podcast.
I am so saddened by the news that we’ve lost the hilarious Brian Reich. He was such an inventively funny and daring comedy writer and he gave our Late Night show so much brilliant silliness. My condolences to everyone who knew and loved Brian. twitter.com/TriumphICDHQ/s…
If I die in Los Angeles, I promise my lying-in-state will be a drive through.
Nothing stops illegal immigration like flying you to our country’s most exclusive island.
Congratulations, @rogerfederer, on an incredible 24 year run. You’re now ready for podcasting.
Perspective by Conan O’Brien: Remembering Norm Macdonald, one year after the comic’s death wapo.st/3qVeQuN
My wife has cat-like reflexes— she hides under furniture when I’m around.
29 years ago today, my late night talk show debuted. Hear the absurdly improbable story of how it all happened. youtube.com/watch?v=ol9pT4…
Same face I make every time I use an inkwell to sign headshots.
I have severe pain in my left shoulder and can’t decide which orthopedic surgeon to visit on TikTok.
Definitely meeting Thom Yorke for a juice in Tampa.
Just experienced my first rolling blackout not caused by alcohol.
I think James Burrows has provided me with about 85,000 laughs in my lifetime. Glad he could stop by. apple.co/TeamCoco
One of the Minions spit on me at the premiere for “Rise of Gru.”
I’m throwing a Labor Day costume party and everyone came dressed as slutty Eugene V. Debs.
Beware Labor Day Eve, when roaming economists lower non-farm business sector productivity by .004%.
Just saw a Real Housewife burst into flames.
Think of the viewing time we could save if they just made one series, “House of Game of the Lord of Thrones of the Dragon Rings.”
I got the app that translates your cat’s meows into English. Turns out all she says is “fuck you, asshole.”
Just collided with this lovely young woman at the supermarket while she’s listening to my podcast. So I guess I interrupted me?
Just got to Burning Man and it’s already a 90-minute wait for the Orgy Dome :(
Had a great time chatting with a fan from Uganda about cows, technology, and his wife's love/hate relationship with me. apple.co/TeamCoco