Every October I’m kidnapped and forced to scare birds at a local pumpkin patch.

@ConanOBrien If it’s any consolation we appreciate your service on keeping the birds away from the pumpkin patch. You do an amazing job. Can’t wait to see you next year!

@ConanOBrien The kidnappers have you going from patch to patch for big sums, you are in demand

@ConanOBrien Kidnappers: Honestly, I really don’t understand how we get away with it every year. After what…50 years, you haven’t thought of one way to prevent it? Conan:

@ConanOBrien For God Sakes Conan if Andy offers you a free donut, DONT EAT IT. He’s gotten you every year for 2 decades now... It’s like the bank giving you free money, It’s a trap damnit!

@ConanOBrien 🙏 for bringing joy and 😂 ter to our lives. Honestly, as a simple, retired 👩 who reads social media, 🗞 , etc.and makes an effort to verify what I read, I am so troubled with the state of our 🇺🇸. I feel powerless, without any resources to help. You and Andy keep me going…