Little Greenis @DurtMcHurtt
https://t.co/HREAfSgLSJ https://t.co/RXZ32W17IY geriatric millennial Downtown Canada Joined July 2011-
Tweets56K
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Followers24K
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Following2K
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Likes250K
Wife: have you seen the dog bowl? Me: no, is he any good?
judge: swear them in bailiff: ok get the fuck in there guys
my wife calls from burning man, she says she's trapped, she's unhappy, she wants out. yeah, then she told me how bad burning man was
on my way to see your mom
I’m gonna get my vasectomy done at Home Depot like a real man.
Stairs: *invented in 1720* People in 1719:
Literally every argument about AI risk is entirely made up. All the terminology is just fart-huffing. It has the same evidentiary basis as a story about floopflorps on Gavitron9 outcompeting Nuubidons.
a cool way to answer the phone is “dracula?” and when they tell you who is actually calling you say “okay phew”
An easy way to know if your house is haunted is to bake a cake that says “for ghost” and see if anything takes it
Emergency contact: No thanks. Just let me die.
Using a hotel bed is like using a public toilet, both do an excellent job of absorbing my urine.
Böb Jänke: Hönkÿ @Bob_Janke
39K Followers 10K Following Chicago Member FDIC Views are my own because you're not brave enough I write this for fun https://t.co/heH4IlIEWZ I know who DB Cooper is.FRO VO @fro_vo
42K Followers 1K Following 🦋 @frovo.bsky.social - - TOP TWEETS: https://t.co/NZPHrTUDjC -- Recent Tweets: https://t.co/4WK3dR41F1 -- STORE: https://t.co/YaxNssq5DCoctopus/caveman @octopuscaveman
32K Followers 3K Following cool ranch icarus, painter of LoveBots, king of diarrhea jokesWilde Thingy @wildethingy
31K Followers 2K Following I have nothing to declare except my top tweets - https://t.co/YApmhRImR4Tony P. @Tbone7219
43K Followers 19K FollowingNurseBrianRN @rn_murse
19K Followers 823 Following Singer-Songscreamer I Gay Homosexual I Pubic Figure | Fourth ThingAnnie Hatfield @AnneHatfieldVO
48K Followers 6K Following Tall, pale, relentlessly cheerful. https://t.co/vhLLPJmuO2Viktor Winetrout @Cpin42
26K Followers 651 Following Creator of @Sorrowscopes & @WeirdCelebTwets https://t.co/fJ5BJjLtIbGrant Tanaka: Honky @GrantTanaka
37K Followers 5K Following Anatomically correct. For the most part.Todd 'Papi' Carlos @TheToddWilliams
26K Followers 783 Following Engineer I'm also on BlueSky. Same name.fredesque @FredTaming
27K Followers 891 Following black & trans lives matter | stop asian hate | 🏳️🌈 🏳️⚧️ friendly | he/him | fka taming fr*d s*vage |Village Person @SvnSxty
31K Followers 4K Following If you support ethnic cleansing, kindly fuck off 😊 Find me and follow me @SvnSxty on all platforms. my tweets ⤵️Adrenalin @adrenalindenver
26K Followers 817 Following Local pop punk band in Denver. DM for booking info! Guitar/vocals: @Woody_B_ Bass: @dave_cactus Drums: Ripcord Lead Guitar: DuncanBenny 'Bluesky' Rolli.. @citizenkawala
21K Followers 8K Following Australian Jim Morrison | Real person | Dave's mate | 1053 https://t.co/PN73YRdrctJack Boot @IamJackBoot
13K Followers 1K Following The New Yorker, Vanity Fair, The Atlantic, Harper's, Rolling Stone. I've read some of these magazines.Boyd's Backyard™ @TheBoydP
102K Followers 20K Following I’d rather be working on my yard. #envydastrength I retweet regular people. My tweets are here: https://t.co/zOIJ18SHBVStabbatha Christy @LoveNLunchmeat
61K Followers 4K Following murder and cake. https://t.co/O1Sm1XVNmoЩΣПDӨᄂYПП @wendeeluvz
48K Followers 49K Following 𓂀 Luv Yourself 💫 #HistoryBuff⏳#TruthSeeker🛸#Eidolism☠️ #AriesPisces ✨ #Musician 🎸 #Cantante🎙️ #SLP🧩 #PiratesLife🏴☠️ @Wendeeluvzz 💋 $WendeeluvzTere telengwng Teleng.. @telengen7654
3 Followers 154 FollowingShah A Farhad @BeingFarhad
58K Followers 39K Following 🇧🇩 Environment and Social Justice Activist based in Planet Earth. #Dhaka #BangladeshVARRIANT MODE @Ash_ShanQity
1K Followers 5K Following Through authentic narrations, we have the power to change things🍉Cis KΞVιπ BLλ.. @Hirsutable
565 Followers 1K Following 🏆 Most modest man on the internet 2011 🏆 Not as stupid as I look. Big Barbigerous Brit in 'Berta NDP Sex Marxist (he/him)m delasanta @MelanieDela3
428 Followers 865 FollowingShifty's Space @ShiftyKinect
60K Followers 66K Following Musician, Buddhist, News Junkie, Baseball Fan, Hopeless Idealist, and connoisseur of cookie dough.Someone @Someone70537168
70 Followers 728 FollowingLouise Mathieson @louisem1
171 Followers 3K FollowingBenny, the Dirty Moch.. @GotJbenny
7K Followers 5K Following DMs open for Dad Jokes, Chats, Boobs, whatever. My Drawings: https://t.co/ZNa7QWHSgrFunny Snarky Humor @FUNNYsnarkyJOKE
9K Followers 2K Following I like 2 make light of things 2 brighten up a dark world. #funny #humor #satire #snarky #memes #humour #hilariousTukur Musa @tukurm196
7 Followers 246 Followingjust MOSES @osah_moses
2K Followers 2K Following I am an SOG. family call Momo, friends call me M*O, but am just Moses, so who are you🙄14235 😷やじ間�.. @flamingohead77
90 Followers 546 Following 6 1 2 🌧🍇🌌🐩谷中や Wake up yo tdadaddy jus putt y sdbkomedxkjf coffee oN, this is it.beep beep ♧◇♡♤ .oVerWithhf dW ty ttyfL qq dX rtfdrtd 67 flamingo headHans Brixx @Hans_Brixx
758 Followers 3K Following I am ready to meet my maker. Whether or not my maker is ready to meet me is a different story..Immanuel @Immanuel1273
513 Followers 5K FollowingJim @wambuijim
30 Followers 907 FollowingMary @Mary25134399336
21 Followers 269 FollowingI know...right? @90sJarhed
549 Followers 5K Following definitely not normal, sometimes snarky, mostly mr. niceguy. married to the same gal for 27 years #stillbi #bisexual #wheeloftime #expanse #beer #bourbonChristopher Young @CYoung6123
174 Followers 1K Following- - @Blushingmagpie
119 Followers 1K FollowingMinaRomina @MinaRomina6
72 Followers 221 Followingbusta @stephengsadler
25 Followers 2K Following I may be crazy but I just may be the lunatic you're looking forJeffrey Compton @JeffComOne
10K Followers 11K FollowingBetWin @BetWin560684
126 Followers 5K Following Contact me on our to get REAL Fixed match Betting picks🥇🔞محمد بیگی @beygi8082
19 Followers 174 FollowingAPELORD RISE OF THE A.. @TOXIC599685
198 Followers 520 Following Developer and influencer of Rise of the Apes. longtime fan of Planet of the Apes and with new movies come new opportunity. The apes are comingMatt Bavar @bootlegbavar
418 Followers 595 Following getting by on getting by day trader trying to learn my way in a world of geniuses. Trade ideas are not for you to follow because I have no clue what I’m doingShaun Gaston @datduck11
137 Followers 707 Following -I race cars, play tennis, and fondle woman, but I have weekends off and I am my own boss- Oh and some parodysilent_spook @silent_spook
27 Followers 210 FollowingDavid @masgv
1K Followers 5K Following Dad of 4, entrepreneur, conscious capitalist, fiction, fine arts, hockey, squash, stoicism. “Donald Trump is a demonic force, a destroyer” – Tucker Carlson. 💙Ja_Nick @RedNick50
4K Followers 4K Following Looking for laughs and like minded resisters. Vote blue 🌊🌊. No magats, lists or dms plzPete S 🌊🌊 @PeteS2112
3K Followers 5K Following Proud democrat, happy husband, musician, huge Rush fan, animal lover, Star Wars nerd, pro-choice, Team Blue 🌊🌊Annie @Annie758171
32 Followers 521 Following Spreading love and positive vibes.🌹❤️ Making everyday moments extraordinary John 3:16💒Donald Lawson @L26255Donald
67 Followers 525 Following $337 Million powerball jackpot winner,giving out to all my followers and helping through their credit cards debts as much as I can …🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸John to the World �.. @JohnJokewriter
6K Followers 6K Following Multi-vaxxed for your pleasure. Former joke writer for Jay Leno. I’m a lot funnier when I’m paid to write material. At least that’s what I tell myself.Julian Dodson @epekz9498656
58 Followers 14 Following 🔸 #Binance Arbitrage is live. join Community: https://t.co/YLkij2TY8jJanem @janemEnow
3K Followers 4K Following Just because you can doesn’t mean you should. Never ever trumper.Böb Jänke: Hönkÿ @Bob_Janke
39K Followers 10K Following Chicago Member FDIC Views are my own because you're not brave enough I write this for fun https://t.co/heH4IlIEWZ I know who DB Cooper is.FRO VO @fro_vo
42K Followers 1K Following 🦋 @frovo.bsky.social - - TOP TWEETS: https://t.co/NZPHrTUDjC -- Recent Tweets: https://t.co/4WK3dR41F1 -- STORE: https://t.co/YaxNssq5DCoctopus/caveman @octopuscaveman
32K Followers 3K Following cool ranch icarus, painter of LoveBots, king of diarrhea jokesWilde Thingy @wildethingy
31K Followers 2K Following I have nothing to declare except my top tweets - https://t.co/YApmhRImR4Tony P. @Tbone7219
43K Followers 19K FollowingNurseBrianRN @rn_murse
19K Followers 823 Following Singer-Songscreamer I Gay Homosexual I Pubic Figure | Fourth ThingAnnie Hatfield @AnneHatfieldVO
48K Followers 6K Following Tall, pale, relentlessly cheerful. https://t.co/vhLLPJmuO2Viktor Winetrout @Cpin42
26K Followers 651 Following Creator of @Sorrowscopes & @WeirdCelebTwets https://t.co/fJ5BJjLtIbGrant Tanaka: Honky @GrantTanaka
37K Followers 5K Following Anatomically correct. For the most part.Todd 'Papi' Carlos @TheToddWilliams
26K Followers 783 Following Engineer I'm also on BlueSky. Same name.fredesque @FredTaming
27K Followers 891 Following black & trans lives matter | stop asian hate | 🏳️🌈 🏳️⚧️ friendly | he/him | fka taming fr*d s*vage |Village Person @SvnSxty
31K Followers 4K Following If you support ethnic cleansing, kindly fuck off 😊 Find me and follow me @SvnSxty on all platforms. my tweets ⤵️Adrenalin @adrenalindenver
26K Followers 817 Following Local pop punk band in Denver. DM for booking info! Guitar/vocals: @Woody_B_ Bass: @dave_cactus Drums: Ripcord Lead Guitar: DuncanBenny 'Bluesky' Rolli.. @citizenkawala
21K Followers 8K Following Australian Jim Morrison | Real person | Dave's mate | 1053 https://t.co/PN73YRdrctJack Boot @IamJackBoot
13K Followers 1K Following The New Yorker, Vanity Fair, The Atlantic, Harper's, Rolling Stone. I've read some of these magazines.Boyd's Backyard™ @TheBoydP
102K Followers 20K Following I’d rather be working on my yard. #envydastrength I retweet regular people. My tweets are here: https://t.co/zOIJ18SHBVPeople Doing Fun With.. @statuewithfun
105K Followers 5 Following A place for photos and videos of people having epic fun with statues 😄A Dad Influence @gbergan
7K Followers 2K Following Most of my followers are bots. You're probably not even real. My posts here ⬇️nationwide hate accou.. @SteeIDick
12K Followers 4K Following im 69 inches tall, my sign is the 69 oneRex Chapman🏇🏼 @RexChapman
1.2M Followers 32K Following It’s Hard For Me to Live With Me is available now - for business please contact [email protected] - for media requests: [email protected]NO CONTEXT ANIMALS @AnimalNoContext
465K Followers 1 Following Follow for a daily dose of hilarious animal moments! 😹Dan White @atdanwhite
155K Followers 2K Following comedy writer | reps: Framework Entertainment | I perform weekly on @improvisdeadThis is so satisfying @Tissatisfying
120K Followers 0 Following For those little things that are inexplicably satisfyingLow Quality Memes �.. @ipostlqmemes
244K Followers 55 Following I post low quality memes | submissions/credit/removal dm 📩 | DMs open for bizFight Pal @FightPal
414K Followers 21 Following Daily Physical Altercations & Combat Sports Videos | Turn On Notifications | Viewer Discretion Is Advised | DM For Submissions & PromoHistoric Vids @historyinmemes
5.0M Followers 205 Following Daily history lessons. Education through memes!Bad Lip Reading @BadLipReading
325K Followers 112 Following I put words into other people's mouths. The OFFICIAL Bad Lip Reading Twitter accountSneezingWithWetMascar.. @WetMascara
20K Followers 2K Following Yes, THAT Thanksgiving tweet. My Faves: https://t.co/90HdOEinlH Recent Tweets in Link Below.smerobin @smerobin
6K Followers 2K Following I'm not sure how I got here but I'm pretty sure I carried a watermelon.RM @dorsalstream
7K Followers 634 Following You know, for kids. Yes, I do have a newsletter (thanks for asking): https://t.co/rH0CZ1GqxI. Or follow me on Medium at https://t.co/IBcgOmyAX9Joe DeVito @JoeDeVitoComedy
30K Followers 509 Following Comedian/Writer/Babbler Bananas Comedy Club NJ 4/26-27 https://t.co/vCJBREOXGG𝑴𝒐 𝑴𝒐𝒉.. @MoMohler
7K Followers 5K Following Rated 100% pure, grade A, American “little beef boy” by JD Power And Associates.Missy Martinez @MissyXMartinez
627K Followers 3K Following Internet Manatee. I write articles with my flippers.Klip Entertainment @klip_ent
521K Followers 49 Following Viral content. Viewer discretion is advised.DonutHawk @StruggleDisplay
18K Followers 1K Following My bio doesn’t exist just like my interest in anything Mark Wahlberg.Jessie @mommajessiec
77K Followers 6K Following *awkward silence* Mom to four, wife to one. Like I am to most things, I came here late too.Bone Chocolates @BoneChocolates
6K Followers 2K Following Making my little jokes to distract myself from the terror of the walls closing in.But With Raptors @ButWitRaptors
119K Followers 1 Following @actionmoviekid and @awakeland3d put raptors in things. Somehow Tom Cruise is also involved Watch #VFXandChill every Friday at 10am pacific at https://t.co/Ypi3tXDhiF!Name cannot be blank @dankcharnley
8K Followers 9K Following Classically Trained Comic • Enthusiast • Writerist • Cartoonist • Avid Reader of Smut • Rib Sauce Judge 🤟 Who Hurt Me?: https://t.co/pQ7raaF6uyBrynnester @BrynneHirst_Art
467 Followers 204 Following Artist. Writer. Joke Maker. Football Fan. #LUFC Contributor to @sorrowscopesJay @theshamingofjay
11K Followers 3K Following Court jester "Foul Mouthed True Crime Guy From Up North" I livestream trials on YouTube & Kick. Just a moron yelling at a screen. #teambidet𝙴𝚗𝚗𝚞𝚒 .. @blueeyesgreene
12K Followers 4K Following let's get out of here ☁️: https://t.co/FXCn4TBLu7 more tweets @ link ⤵️DamnFineTweet @damnfinetweet
13K Followers 3K Following RIP DamnFineTweet 8/7/2019-4/27/2023 thank you for 85000 trophies and a million good vibes. I'll miss you!inspector ratchet @_hood_mona_lisa
19K Followers 7K Following Public menace. Bog Witch. Level 58 Trainwreck. Costco Gold Star Member.PieGuy @ilovepie84
30K Followers 6K Following My wife works two jobs so that I can chase my dream of being in a boy band. https://t.co/JhWCxIXYbKSlime @Im_The_Slime
3K Followers 815 Following Seriously never serious. Now laugh: https://t.co/Rluk6Ah1bFAdam @YSylon
8K Followers 2K Following Humor | Music | Misc | latest: https://t.co/BmbpshxRP9 | More & better ⬇️⊹٭𝚆𝚘𝚗𝚍.. @metickleu
18K Followers 8K Following Raggedy Ann in a Barbie world https://t.co/OgxOrzHKoE #fuckcancer My superpower is battling colon cancer.🍨Katie🍨 @_TheMilkWitch_
2K Followers 2K Following Powered by cookies and ice cream. A magical variety of flavors. Many puns. Dairy free welcome. she/her ✨🪄 Header by @SQuiskey Avi by @actuallyafairyBimbo Saggins 🦋 @bitzydimbo
51K Followers 841 Following titanium spine • paralysis survivor • strong AF • Twitter's most wholesome skank. 🔞 https://t.co/rmB3TtEF5Q 💋regular david @OrdinaryAlso
12K Followers 2K Following God’s little goober. he/him looking for may/hem.Emma Beasley🐝 @JustBeingEmma
14K Followers 9K Following My eggs are expired, I ran out of bread, my husband got fired. I wish I was dead. https://t.co/IVfhz3nNnT https://t.co/eY8BG3lLqcJust throwing it out there...it would be extremely funny if I won the lottery this summer
Just throwing it out there...it would be extremely funny if the Sabres hired Lindy Ruff this summer
@FriedgeHNIC @AdamBenigni Coached that team for 106 years and still didn't bring Lord Stanley to Buffalo
@FriedgeHNIC @AdamBenigni God i miss 2103. What a year for the league
Little bro didn't know the rules
the Sabres failing to successfully build around Eichel and Reinhart is such an all-time bag fumble
Sam Reinhart gets the battle of Florida going, 1-0 #TimeToHunt lead
TESTOSTERONE (in my 20s): I'm gonna give you muscles and sex drive TESTOSTERONE (in my 50s): I'm gonna give you ear hair
Please don't open a new can of whoop ass when there is already an opened one in the refrigerator.
It turns out eating all that ravioli before the orgy was a huge mistake.
you say you’re an ass man and nobody bats an eye, i say i’m a balls girl and everyone looses their minds
@ken___64 @yanoforsure I accept this math
Drake is one of the biggest artists on the planet. Fact. People who criticize Drake aren't all haters, tho. He does wack shit. Fairly regularly. "He got hits" doesn't mean he's immune to wackness. Jay Z is my GOAT and he dropped Kingdom Come with a straight face. Wack is wack
max domi’s instagram post oh my god this man loves being a leaf
🖊 We’ve signed defenceman Cade Webber to a two-year, entry-level contract. Details | bit.ly/3JkPMGJ
trying to generate electricity by rubbing two overdue notices together