Fart Sommelier @FartSandwich
Celebrity chef. Worst food writer ever at @thetakeout. Also: Serious Eats, Thrillist, Bon Appétit, Dill, and I'm not actually a celebrity chef. Bye foodisstupid.com Chicago, IL, USA, The World Joined June 2008-
Tweets28K
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Followers7K
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Following557
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Likes49K
Fart Sommelier retweeted
my landlord saw me refilling my bird feeders this morning and in an act of what the fuck dumped some baked beans on bricks "for the birds"
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Fart Sommelier retweeted
In @FartSandwich 's ass
Fart Sommelier retweeted
I can't stop laughing at this image
Fart Sommelier retweeted
Ford Bronco Sport, OJ Simpson Recalled On Same Day jalopnik.com/ford-bronco-sp…
Fart Sommelier retweeted
Partial eclipse as seen through a cheezit
Fart Sommelier retweeted
Luciano Privaterotini
Eggs Benedict is just pasta carbonara on English muffins
Please, please, please, hire @marnieshure. She's the best manager and editor I've ever had, things I wish I had a chance to tell her in person before we all got unexpectedly separated as a team. I can't say enough good things about her levels of patience and grace.
Please, please, please, hire @marnieshure. She's the best manager and editor I've ever had, things I wish I had a chance to tell her in person before we all got unexpectedly separated as a team. I can't say enough good things about her levels of patience and grace.
Fart Sommelier retweeted
I guess Italian beef isn't quite the same in Wisconsin, because this is the first time I've ever said "Oh no" when handed a sandwich
Fart Sommelier retweeted
Our statement on yesterday's sales and layoffs:
So...I'm having an interesting day
hello @rollsroycecars I would like to purchase a hood ornament for my Camry. My Camry is missing 3 hubcaps and i feel this would add an element of luxury to my whip. Can I have one
care my ass
hi @Cigna thanks for denying the coverage of the treatment i need to prevent going blind in one eye, I'm sure you're all going to heaven someday
"We can't figure out why more people are eating at home and not spending their money with us," says the fast food CEO, as he gleefully hikes prices every other week
I hope whoever designed those stupid bathroom sinks with the buttons you have to press for hot and cold water was banned from designing anything else for their entire life
TikTok is cool if you want to be convinced a recipe that takes four hours for one fucking salad only takes 5 minutes to prepare
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Cheonggyecheon only cost $281M to complete so there’d be a little money left over for every Chicagoan to enjoy some snacks
@FartSandwich I simply cannot wait to drop this on my Midwestern in-laws. So I’m gonna get high and do this tomorrow.
my landlord saw me refilling my bird feeders this morning and in an act of what the fuck dumped some baked beans on bricks "for the birds"
just lowered my cable bill by $120 a month by crying on the phone that their price is too much and i'm gonna go to fios
My first post is a pretty dark and frank recounting of what happened in my last two media jobs, and why I'm going independent: laurabassett.substack.com/p/why-im-going…
In @FartSandwich 's ass
Where have all the marble cakes gone?
In the spirit of internet hygiene I did a YouTube search for my name and one of the results was someone with a million subscribers who had referenced an article of mine in their video but referred to me as "Mary Shoon"
I can't stop laughing at this image
Ford Bronco Sport, OJ Simpson Recalled On Same Day jalopnik.com/ford-bronco-sp…
O.J. Simpson Allowed To Remain Living After Coffin Doesn’t Fit bit.ly/4cVP7ZC
Partial eclipse as seen through a cheezit
Luciano Privaterotini
Legendary tenor Luciano Pavarotti kept secret stashes of pasta to snack on while performing trib.al/EKgBASs
low-hanging, regressive, hack fucking bullshit, to me that is an attack that feels personal and it’s an affront to the potential of comedy. Anyway Sam Tripoli I do not know you but judging by that clip your comedy fucking sucks and I hate what you represent
Dammit, I can't even look out my window...
I do believe you’d get fired from the Chicago hot dog place if you put on mustard like this 🌭🌭🌭🌭
Hello 911
I do believe you’d get fired from the Chicago hot dog place if you put on mustard like this 🌭🌭🌭🌭
@FartSandwich @marnieshure This news legitimately bums me out...The writing both of you did there, believe it or not, had a major influence on me starting this account
Thanks to this tweet, my bf and I are celebrating our four-year anniversary today! (not a joke!) The internet is good sometimes!
Oh it is DEFINITELY the point of quar when you should tell me if you have a crush on me (are we still doing that?)
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