Jenn Wyer (he/him) @JennWyer
'I can never tell when he's joking.' —@hotfountainpen | 'Either a crazy person or impressive commitment to the bit.' —@mcrumps | 'An actual freak.' —@idkmanwow San Francisco, CA Joined July 2020-
Tweets18K
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Followers677
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Following2K
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Likes15K
Being stuck in the apheresis chair with a full bladder and ninety minutes to go makes me feel like Bob Flanagan in the "Happiness in Slavery" video (don't Google it).
My female coworkers can attribute their bad moods to menses and be rewarded with sympathy and chocolate, but the moment I impute my grumpiness to semen retention, it's HR o'clock. #PrivilegeCheck
I love Nathan Fielder and Emma Stone and really want to like their Showtime series, but it's so glacial and uneventful that I've taken to calling it THE CHORE.
"Singular" means "unique." Please stop using it to mean "single." #VocabCornerWithJenn
Just finished defecating. If you haven't tried it, you're missing out. It's a real treat.
I think @robdelaney wrote this caption. #420NO
The "COMMERCIAL VEHICLESS PROHIBITED" sign at Lincoln and Arguello irked me for years. Whoever obliterated the second S is a civic hero. No, my recent online purchase of brown electrical tape and a stepladder is just a coincidence, Officer.
People tell me toothpaste is my friend. But what kind of friend would come between me and orange juice?
fellas is it racist and gentrifying to live in your hometown
fellas is it racist and gentrifying to live in your hometown
"Both 42 percent and 58 percent are half" is quite a take. Open the schools.
"Both 42 percent and 58 percent are half" is quite a take. Open the schools.
Given the taste, smell, and texture, I strongly suspect that people who claim to like cheese are playing a long-term collective prank à la snipe hunts, drop bears, or Magic Eye puzzles.
I knew my mom was going to be upset when I told her I was dropping out of college, but I did not expect her to bitterly suggest I was dropping out to devote as much time as possible to having gay sex.
bae throw necc so good i say thank u for ur cervix
Imagine thinking the Internet didn't exist before 2015.
Imagine thinking the Internet didn't exist before 2015.
Jane_Soans541 @soans54152640
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6 Followers 526 Following Always remember, you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.Palaniswamy @Palaniswam98715
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3 Followers 846 Followingᥴꪖꪑᦓꪮꪀ @Cambone88
3K Followers 4K Following Hello welcome to my Simpson's page welcome old and new fans 😃 #TheSimpsonsGoats #TheSimpsons #SimpsonsForever💛 |^^^|Fern @Fern1138093
10 Followers 988 FollowingSHEEPLES’ ARMY @sheeplesarmypod
973 Followers 2K Following communist / 🇮🇪 Irish Republican born in the US - Uphold Mao - DM to support our book distribution program (he/him/sé/é)Matthew @chillwaveguy
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80 Followers 3K FollowingJuniper Nest @junipernest
420 Followers 631 Following Degenerate Atheistic Commie. Born to be a hype man, ended up being Your Mom.us_Paige_ @UsPaige59975
16 Followers 2K Followingoyedare Israel @oyedare202
6 Followers 55 FollowingTiffiny Tribbey @tntimdyomite
85 Followers 389 Following Committed to embarrassing myself to better myself. I learn by doing and nobody does it right the first time, each day is the first until it's the last.Giveaway Philippines @GiveawayPh39155
149 Followers 666 Following LEGITIMATELY CASH PRIZE GIVEAWAY 🇵🇭Madalynn Todd @madalynn_t9931
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29 Followers 71 Following OEHN, PMHNP, ARNP. Turnip Twaddler Cat scrubbing professionalDerek Owen Doss @DerekOwenDoss
327 Followers 2K Following I wear the face of the oppressor. [Mostly Moby Dick retweets TBH.]Huncho Slimedog @itsHarryDickman
10 Followers 33 Following Uhhhhhh guys?……You’re gonna wanna see this…AbortionChat @AbortionChat
8K Followers 2K Following Stories save lives. Why do we live in a world where pregnant people consider suicide before abortion? Created by: @LynneSchmidt - Abortion Bitch & Dog LadyCecilia @cecilia_butterf
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1.8M Followers 425 Following My posts help mentally ill peoples brains. I want to do good. I Want to bring value to this platform. That is my Quest. My DreamCody Johnston @drmistercody
276K Followers 5K Following Retweets are endorphins. Host/creator of @SomeMoreNews and one half of @TheHotShapes.Ken Klippenstein @kenklippenstein
508K Followers 3K Following reporter @ The Intercept. Send tips via Signal: 202-510-1268. Join my newsletter: https://t.co/wAoen3W2ZyLead Actor from Pixar.. @ByYourLogic
268K Followers 2K Following My life was a straight line before I met you, Jean ValjeanBorscht the T is sile.. @InternetHippo
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242K Followers 960 Following Co-creator of Cyanide & Happiness and @Explosm. I eat breakfast sometimes. All my opinions are wrong.Liv @Liv_Agar
174K Followers 1K Following read my stuff at https://t.co/0t4sR321Mm listen to the podcast I’m on @qaapod all my links at https://t.co/IhHXIoaLO0Don Hughes @getfiscal
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63K Followers 3K Following Resident physician as seen on Buzzfeed and TV, RTd by Barack Obama. He/Himdeathcore__doggy @SAMOYEDWAVE
43K Followers 2K Following it's never too many graves, it's always not enough shovels ♡@owomuwu♡ @SAMOYEDCORE on twitter (not Xthomas violence @thomas_violence
85K Followers 2K Following I'm Mr @boontavista, Mr @twobitmovieclub and Mr BORLFF.pixelatedboat aka “.. @pixelatedboat
306K Followers 877 Following Playboy Magazine’s 8th funniest Twitter account of 2015. Read my comics on IG https://t.co/skcDJtp4gE. Mostly posting on bluesky now.warrior cop @wyatt_privilege
55K Followers 930 Followingolivia grace @oliviadoesbits
4K Followers 789 Following comedian/ writer for @comedycentral roasts. Seen on Comedy Central, paramount+ Ask me about my scripts Help me save my kidney 👇👇pierce @cringe_genius
10K Followers 693 Following elvis meme. yarb sale sign. caleb’s birthday poem. 2020 truthpoint election specialfran hoepfner @franhoepfner
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10K Followers 11K Following Artist+Interviewer+Producer Web3. Photos published Forbes,NYT,Vice,Slate,TIME,CNN,NPR. https://t.co/yvtFCnSGLj https://t.co/IojSF4yXv0Hayden Kristal @HaydenKristal
2K Followers 372 Following comedian on america’s got talent and head crimebag wrangler at carcass acresPanamom☮️ @denisegoducks
3K Followers 5K Following #BlueCrew #VoteBlue #FuckTrump #ProChoice #Resister #AntiMaga #PackerLegacy #PackerBacker #GoPackGo #GoDucks #ScoDucks #Oregonerin chack @ErinChack
22K Followers 651 Following my hair is long now. writing: @newyorkerhumor, @mcsweeneys, @monsterchildren and more. always looking for new bylines.ᥴꪖꪑᦓꪮꪀ @Cambone88
3K Followers 4K Following Hello welcome to my Simpson's page welcome old and new fans 😃 #TheSimpsonsGoats #TheSimpsons #SimpsonsForever💛 |^^^|SHEEPLES’ ARMY @sheeplesarmypod
973 Followers 2K Following communist / 🇮🇪 Irish Republican born in the US - Uphold Mao - DM to support our book distribution program (he/him/sé/é)Brandon Streussnig @BrndnStrssng
15K Followers 1K Following Bylines with Vulture, Fangoria, GQ UK, Inverse, Polygon, The Playlist, Secret Handshake Cinema, Film Combat Syndicate 💪🏻Proud Baytriot 💪🏻🇵🇸Sophie Vershbow @svershbow
51K Followers 9K Following Writer: @nymag @esquire @nytimes, etc. Head of Influencer Mkt: @eventbrite. Formerly in publishing. Mostly tweeting dogs & books. She/her. Opinions my own.ca license plates @ca_dmv_bot2
38K Followers 1 Following ‼️‼️NOT THE CALIFORNIA DMV‼️‼️ Real personalized license plate applications that the California DMV received from 2015-2017. Posts hourly. 🇵🇸Harlow. @LockerFxck
317 Followers 189 Following Get in the locker, dweeb. | 26, (She/They), Switch, Minors DNI 🔞Tina Cartwright @humsentence
2K Followers 2K Following Writer. Reader. LL Michael Gifkins Prize for an Unpublished Novel 2023. 2024 KSP Writers' Centre Fellow. (She/her) https://t.co/fi65VOdqHoJohn Lutz @ShutupLutz
33K Followers 429 Following I played Lutz on @nbc30rock. I currently play Lutz in real life and pretend to be a writer on @LateNightSeth.Juniper Nest @junipernest
420 Followers 631 Following Degenerate Atheistic Commie. Born to be a hype man, ended up being Your Mom.Peter @petermarietoto
6K Followers 806 Following limp wristed individual | he/they/she | Ptown ⚓️🐋🦞⛱️☀️DeWitt B. Fartin @DeWittBFartin
4K Followers 321 Followingomelas food truck fes.. @garethlwatkins
1K Followers 2K Following Writing in the Los Angeles Review of Books, Tribune, Vulture, MEL, Bandcamp and elsewhere I suppose. Pods at @DeathSentencePCBig Lebowski @Big_Lebowskript
7K Followers 1 Following The Big Lebowski, line by line. Going round for a sixth time. Now with alt text.clay ⛷️ @hanfjob
45K Followers 2K Following one time i fell onto the subway tracks @whouppod email me for whatever [email protected]alex furlin @thefurlinator
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57K Followers 200 Following Doing comics and your mom. If you reshare pls give credit. Check my link for my other social. I draw here @toothydrawsteddy @acatnamedteddy
15K Followers 86 Following teddy is a ~12 y/o former street cat, nap enthusiast, and treat connoisseur. all opinions are his ownIBS of TikTok 🇵�.. @BlighttownNIMBY
243 Followers 622 Following I keep giving good people bad ideas @blighttownnimby.bsky.socialStone Cold Jane Auste.. @AbbyHiggs
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18K Followers 5 FollowingErnestBorgnineNavalCa.. @poddtadre
560 Followers 712 Following Now, you will see me one more time if you do good. You'll see me two more times if you do bad. Goodnight.Johnny Bananas @IronHeart2018
423 Followers 754 Following ASK ME ABOUT MY BANNER| #NoRagrets #NotEvenAsingleLetter | DINK DINK DINK #blacklivesmatterchase @_chase_____
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24K Followers 1K Following 18 | Struggling with same sex attraction. Owner of queer store https://t.co/DfasPr3kPYPOOPSCRUFFIN4U (alpha.. @POOPSCRUFFIN4U
12K Followers 3K Following i can't read or count. triple threat, baybeeeeee“Women don’t actually care about men’s looks, all my friends think the hottest guy to walk the Earth is Mitch McConnell”
@bigboygarlic Garly averaging 500 bunny kicks a minute. High output fighter that guy.
@mags_mclaugh I don’t think anybody is talking about the sketch unless Heidi Gardner breaks character.
@SeanMillsMedia I wonder if people would still find this sketch funny if the cast wasn't breaking so much throughout. Because I'm baffled at the overwhelmingly positive response it has been getting online.
@SeanMillsMedia I feel like an alien seeing so many people say how uproariously funny this is.
You: *pronounces Bon Iver as it's written* Most annoying guy you know, barely able to conceal his delight: what did you just say
@JennWyer @SrrixC @ShapedInternet your beard is quite gorgeous i won’t lie, and they are equally triggered by it 😂😂
@JennWyer @SrrixC @ShapedInternet haha that’s clever actually
Maybe just my experience but a very large number of people are happy with legal weed like pretty much everyone
Do celebrities get diarrhea? Can’t imagine Zendaya experiencing what I’m going through right now
@CHELSEA8111346 For once, a well timed response. Way to go, Chels!
@Goon_Lagoon_ @BlurredDeekLul @GD_Chats @seamoran @danlicatasucks typical sheep response from someone who bought into the lies from Big Lung
@BlurredDeekLul @GD_Chats @seamoran @danlicatasucks The propaganda that smoking is bad
this woman came to speak at my middle school & gave a 30 min presentation about her experience. then she opened it up for questions & a kid asked “how come you lived in a tree” 🤣
In 1997, Julia Hill climbed a 200-foot 1000-year-old Californian redwood tree and did not come down for 738 days to prevent Pacific Lumber Company loggers from cutting it down. She ultimately reached an agreement with the company to spare the tree and a 200-foot buffer zone…