LazySloganMaker @LazySlogan

Nothing makes you doubt the law of conservation of mass as much as the discrepancy between the size of your child and the amount of snot they produce..#parenting #momlife

After trying to put my baby to sleep via singing lullabies for 40 minutes (this attempt failed horribly) I resorted to turning on the sound of vacuum cleaner...baby fell asleep in few minutes.I guess now came the time to admit that I might be a terrible singer.#momlife

Anyone claiming that adults don't know how to play has apparently never seen a grown man approaching a box of LEGO..#LEGO #husbands

The beauty of children is that little things suddenly make you happy..like the fact that this batch of laundry contains only 12 towels and no clothes of small people...especially no small clothes of small people...#momlife #toddler #parentingstruggles

Post-pregnancy, sometimes you really have to search for flattering selfie angle.I did my best..#newmom #motherhood #ToddlerLife

After the last year and a half, I am finally ready to ponder the real life questions...mostly, how wildly inappropriate is to wear bathrobe outside? #newmom #parenting #lockdown

Heard every mother is a superhero, though as far as superpowers go, I could have opted for something better than managing to get stains 1.5 seconds after putting the clothes on..#newmom #ToddlerLife #parenting

I heard some toddlers are very particular about what they want to wear..I can attest to this,mine seems to prefer mud so far..#newmom #toddlers #parenting #ToddlerLife

I feel that pirruettes are made for vivaldi...coincidentally, I also do not feel my flat was made for pirruettes..it is a triangle of desperation (it has a better ring than love triangle, maybe I should write a book) #dancing #covid #Quarantine

ME(20ties):party hard until I dance my toenails off and fail to remember this waking up business the next day ME(30ties):challenging entire kindle unlimited library until I can see letters on the back of my lids and fail to remember this waking up business the next day #parenting

ME YESTERDAY: I shouldn't eat so much chocolate, there's got to be a less environmentally taxing snack in the world..I'll stop this ME AFTER 24 HOURS: I have eaten so many prunes that I'll probably sprout leaves in May...and I still want chocolate #newmom #motherhood #parenting

There are only two types of jeans after corona measures....skinny and too small..#mom #Quarantine #Corona #parentproblems

Really, next time when you notice as a new mom that you have dirty clothes, please, those are not stains, but SCARS OF SURVIVAL...I wear them proudly..#newmom #Parenthood

Ever thought that women with small kids got too lazy with make up?I am not, the kid was sitting on my face for half an hour so one of my eye ended up completely bare.If you are wondering, yes, I continued the day with just one eye painted cause that is how badass we are.#newmom

No amount of effort and energy is going to earn you acceptance and admiration from others unless you fully accept and admire yourself for who you are first...#LifeLessons #lifequotes #InspirationalQuotes #acceptance

I decided to take this quarantine positively, I am not storing fat, I am just building up some company for when I feel alone...the fact that it decided to group around belly and back is purely coincidental...#quarantine #newmom #SocialDistancing

Listen to you dark side...it might tell you more about yourself than anything else.#art #inkdrawing #darkside

I do not know how we concluded that we are the most evolved species on the planet since we are just one of the kind. More like even nature will not step into the same shit twice IMHO...#naturelovers #PeopleNow #Corruption

Some people complain about having nothing to do in quarantine. I would dream about having nothing to do, but I do not sleep:(...#Selfisolation #coronavirus #newmom #QuarantineLife

I wanted to gain abs during this self-isolation, but kitchen is too close, so I turned to more attainable forms of six packs..muffins are winning so far...#Selfisolation #coronavirus #newmom