〰 Just Linda 〰 @LindaInDisguise
Installing a dating app when you're lonely is like going grocery shopping when you're hungry. Either way, you have cake and regret ahead of you. St. Louis, MO Joined February 2010-
Tweets46K
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Followers12K
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Following4K
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Likes139K
Once you don’t have to worry about clogged gutters, your best life can begin.
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〰 Just Linda 〰 retweeted
I could never live off the grid. Crunchwrap Supremes are found exclusively on the grid.
I had a two course dinner. That’s where I eat my dinner but I’m still hungry so I make it again.
A man at the bar asked me my name but I think I scared him away when I ripped off my Velcro track suit and he saw the wedding dress underneath.
I made the security guy at the concert wand my left elbow to see if it would set off the metal detector. It did.
I’m definitely the cutest almost-60-year-old at this concert.
Any time an app abuses how they use notifications, I turn them off altogether. Mark Zuckerberg is probably crying himself to sleep right now.
“I wonder why it’s called the acceleration lane.” - people I drive behind, probably
I accidentally filled my tank with premium gasoline and now I qualify for government benefits.
If you loved me, you’d bring me a cupcake right now.
Plot twist: police cars led the procession and OJ followed behind.
〰 Just Linda 〰 retweeted
The Masters would be a lot more interesting if there were starving alligators roaming through out the golf course.
It’s my emotional support camera. I can’t park like a normal person.
It’s my emotional support camera. I can’t park like a normal person.
〰 Just Linda 〰 retweeted
god created all of us in his image? then why is that girl hotter than me
〰 Just Linda 〰 retweeted
When you see someone over 40 out in public after 9PM, there's a 100% chance they took a nap earlier in the day
I’m not special. I shave my chin hairs one at a time like everyone else.
It’s good to see that Theo from The Cosby Show can still get work.
On television dramas, you can tell if two people will end up sleeping with each other by watching their eyes while they fold a blanket together.
〰 Just Linda 〰 retweeted
Yesterday was the 50th anniversary of a woman being able to get a credit card without a man. Let that sink in. Just 50 years.
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