Jim Corbridge @MrBonMot
I've been called Witty. Though I'm sure I just misheard what was said? Anyway love and kindness. Newcastle Upon Tyne, England Joined September 2013-
Tweets117K
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Followers9K
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Following7K
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Likes143K
Always put the important stuff in the first part of your tweet, because no-one will cat basket the walnuts if there's pickletits at the end.
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One thing about gardening, I always find muscles I never knew I had & they are always in my back!
My wife said I was the perfect husband today ........ Or was it something about not listening to her properly?
My Next door neighbour must be a huge Ramones fan too, she's banging on the walls in rhythm to Rokaway Beach,
Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. But me? Meh I'm just lost in Space!
It seems that everyone wants to be a gangster till they get punched in the face then they want to phone the Police!
I'm off into the great outdoors next week. So behave and if world war 3 does breakout while I'm away It's been a pleasure. Love and kindness. x
I tell you what i've noticed when people move home.... How many people collect Boxes!
I phoned a restaurant last night to see if they served lobster, they said they did. So tonight I'm taking my pet lobster out to dinner.
Give me a fishing rod , warm sunshine, and a beautiful woman and you can keep the fishing rod and the warm sunshine.
People who get on a plane and say to the stewardess "Excuse me where is seat 31 B?" I'd be telling them "Well go out the plane take a Left at the terminal then your Second right by the Luggage bay and seat 31 B is on the corner!"
Things I've learned this Weekend If you're asked to throw rice at a wedding, steer clear of tinned Ambrosia. Turns out Brides can get quite cross over the smallest detail.
Simon Cowell says David Bowie turned down an offer to be on X-Factor. In a related story Lionel Messi has refused a move to Shrewsbury Town.
Who remembers that Shakespeare play 'I Still Know What Titus Andronicus Did Last Mid-Summer.'?
Recreate a game of Pacman by trying to avoid the salesmen in a furniture shops.
The feeling of terror that I'd lost my mobile, even though it turned ou I just put it in the wrong pocket. Those ten seconds of absolute terror did a great job of reminding me what a weak man I am.
Not saying he was accident prone but by the time he was seven, my mate's, medical records read like the first eighteen chapters of a first-aid book.
If you're running late for work never use the "A relative died" excuse. Over the course of time it becomes ever harder to keep track of who you've killed off! Your Grandad can only die so many times!
Yesterday I killed a huge mouse with a hammer. Everyone else at Disneyland was like....
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20 Followers 43 FollowingI planted some Fox yesterday. I hope it grows as well as last year's.
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@GlockfordFiles Crazy how MAGA blames everyone but Trump and dictators for the evil they do.
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@MrBonMot I liked his detective series midsomers nights murder
@MrBonMot I remember what his shrew did🙄
@MrBonMot Why has no-one ever staged a comic version of 'Othello' called 'The Moor, The Merrier'?😁
@MrBonMot Was the that sequel to Much Ado About Sliding Doors?
@MrBonMot I always preferred John Milton's epic poem about the Airborne Rangers who dropped their Yahtzee box seconds before landing behind enemy lines... y'know, Para: "Dice lost!"
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