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Neil Lowenthal @NeilLowenthal1

Neil's an alleged comedy writer. He & his twin Mark traffic in political humor & topics of equally bad taste. Contributor @sorrowscopes https://t.co/hjMYXwa7pO neilandmark.com Los Angeles, CA Joined September 2016
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Neil Lowenthal retweeted
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Sorrow-scopes @Sorrowscopes

2 months ago

Pisces: Lift your spirits by lowering your expectations. No, lower than that. Keep going…

Neil Lowenthal retweeted
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Sorrow-scopes @Sorrowscopes

2 months ago

Aquarius: Think of a time in your life when you were happy. Remember: you’ll never be able to return to that.

Neil Lowenthal retweeted
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Sorrow-scopes @Sorrowscopes

2 months ago

Capricorn: You’ll find great success in writing a commercial jingle that drives at least three people to madness.

Neil Lowenthal retweeted
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Sorrow-scopes @Sorrowscopes

2 months ago

Sagittarius: Keep a song in your heart and some snacks in your pocket, for when you go missing in the catacombs on Thursday.

Neil Lowenthal retweeted
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Sorrow-scopes @Sorrowscopes

2 months ago

Scorpio: A “glass-half-full” optimism serves you well. We wish you’d checked what was in that glass, though. The outlook is…not good.

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2 months ago

Libra: This will be a week to lift your spirits. Whiskey, vodka or tequila are good choices, but most anything with a strong alcohol content will do.

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Sorrow-scopes @Sorrowscopes

2 months ago

Virgo: Today, you'll experience a surge of disappointment as your grand plans crumble into tiny, irrelevant pieces. Maybe it's time to accept that the universe finds your endeavors as amusing as we do.

Neil Lowenthal retweeted
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Sorrow-scopes @Sorrowscopes

2 months ago

Leo: You'll get a taste of the rock & roll lifestyle this week when you die alone in a hotel bathtub.

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Sorrow-scopes @Sorrowscopes

2 months ago

Cancer: There is a special place for you in the great beyond, and someday you will discover it. Oddly, Dante didn’t mention it when he wrote about the other circles.

Neil Lowenthal retweeted
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2 months ago

Gemini: In a world full of unkindness, there's honestly less directed at you than we expected.

Neil Lowenthal retweeted
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2 months ago

Taurus: You are your own worst enemy but everyone else is tied for second place.

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2 months ago

Aries: A cyborg sent from the future will help you redecorate.

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Neil Lowenthal @NeilLowenthal1

2 months ago

WHEN THE WIND BLOWS COLD FROM THE WEST, YOUR @Sorrowscopes ARE HERE TO WARM YOU WITH THE FIRE OF OUR COLLECTIVE IMPERFECTIONS. Stop, drop, and roll over to our place for this week's assortment.

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Neil Lowenthal @NeilLowenthal1

3 months ago

YOU CAN’T SPELL ‘DEFEATED BY LIFE’ WITHOUT (INSERT YOUR NAME). YOUR NEW @Sorrowscopes SPELL OUT THE LATEST REASONS WHY On the other hand, you *can* spell 'victory' without u

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9 months ago

Please follow us on Bluesky

Neil Lowenthal retweeted
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3 months ago

Pisces: Love can take many forms, but that pulsating, shimmering darkness in the corner of your bedroom is not one of them.

Neil Lowenthal retweeted
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Sorrow-scopes @Sorrowscopes

3 months ago

Aquarius: Wow. Just wow. What the stars have in store for you cannot be published on this app without an immediate lifetime ban.

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3 months ago

Capricorn: You will make a new friend this week. Yes, they’re an imaginary friend, and yes, they will leave you just like everybody else.

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Sorrow-scopes @Sorrowscopes

3 months ago

Sagittarius: Your plants aren’t dying from lack of water. It’s out of spite.

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3 months ago

Scorpio: Now would be a good time to buy duct tape, garbage bags and a cooler large enough to fit a body.

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