Baby bear on the loose down the road and I bet we’d be real good friends.

@bobby Put a post-it note on the bag that says ‘do not touch - bobby’s m&ms’ so if she finds them it’ll seem funny.

@smugdingus Just wanted to hear from a pro.

@minakimes Wake up Lenny, the spelling bee is on.

@smugdingus My brother has been trying to get me to watch this and I told him I’d hold out for the smug verdict.

I’d like to preemptively apologize for my brother’s golf game at the tourney next weekend. twitter.com/nme/status/166…

@christomasson @drewmagary

As a society, if we want to conserve water for future generations someone is gonna need to come re-aim my neighbor’s sprinkler system to hit more grass and less street.

@BobbyBigWheel

Talking of Peel sessions Dave Strickson has put together an online archive of over a thousand Peel sessions with links to YouTube clips for them all. davestrickson.blogspot.com/2020/05/john-p…

Slap on a beret and that’s Jamie Hyneman from Mythbusters. twitter.com/contextdogs/st…

Wiggy follows the sun patches around the house all day napping. ☀️

@danorlovsky7 You look like the Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer

@TayKayPhillips Walking nacho helmets everywhere.

@ClueHeywood Call it whatever you want if it’s still got that salad bar.

Watching the pizza rolls spin in the microwave. Again. twitter.com/knicks_tape99/…

@netw3rk I bet this helps lift up all the other Caleb’s that aren’t that great.

@HunterSamuels Primo was so good and went by so quickly I’m ready to fire it up again.

twitter.com/mcuban/status/…

@scribblymoth I would love a slice BEFORE he sticks his dick in it.

This remains my favorite tweet of all-time. twitter.com/murrman5/statu…

My episode of Beat Bobby Flay never made it to air. Security roughed me up too bad when I announced my signature dish as Vegan Hamburger Helper.

This truck stop has blue balls.

Gonna go to this cookout and tell my uncles Hamburglar was denied parole again.

@HollyAnderson I (am high) know what’s on page 47.

The first person to see a sunset was probably like well this ain't good.

The Monitor is a fever dream in album form. Pure energy with these strange Civil War themes sprinkled in. It sounds like going to a rock show and standing right in front of the amps on purpose. It’s a perfect record, messy because it’s supposed to be.

@PFTCommenter This isn’t fair to Phil Mickelson.

The clippings came from these two.

Gonna see if I can grow some clippings from my sweet momma’s holiday cactus (lavender and red). She’s had these for as long as I can remember and hopefully I can keep them going.