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Tweets79K
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Followers43K
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Following19K
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Likes240K
Tony P. retweeted
I’ll jump off that bridge when we get there.
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Tony P. retweeted
You call it huffing gasoline. I call it aromatherapy. We are not the same.
Tony P. retweeted
Don’t be the person who shows them that it’s not worth sharing your vulnerability.
Tony P. retweeted
I just want someone to love me enough to give me a ring and ask me to marry them but also love me enough to never actually get married is that too much to ask
I live in constant fear that one day my wife will ask me “Do you notice anything different about me?”
Tony P. retweeted
Existensial crisis in spring, hits different
Tony P. retweeted
This thing can't possibly fulfil my expectations. Do you hear that, salad? I'm talking about you
Tony P. retweeted
Life is just a long series of things that you love.
Tony P. retweeted
Watching Porn. I hope they stay together.
The resemblance is uncanny.....
How old does someone have to be before you can officially call them a fucking asshole? Please say 6
Tony P. retweeted
It's kind of sad that relaxing your shoulders can solve about 90% of problems in any given moment but also, very cool.
Tony P. retweeted
Flying by the seat of my pants and I'm all out of pants. Whee!
Tony P. retweeted
I have a theory that the first ever people to stub their toes got to create new swear words back in the day
Tony P. retweeted
The "Apple" store not even having a single bowl of apples to snack on while you wait is.... well it's bullshit
The next time I hear a person refer to a cat or dog as “just an animal” I’m going to bitch slap them and say it’s just not an animal It’s alive and thinks and feels the same way you do.
Tony P. retweeted
Careful, are you sure I'm that innocent?
Tony P. retweeted
We could have so much delicious mischief.
Tony P. retweeted
Wearing the smile you gave me while wrapped in your shirt is wear I want to be.
Tony P. retweeted
Lying awake listening to the rain; knowing the world is changing, while wishing you were by my side.
Trey @treydayway
41K Followers 6K Following *Something profound* - @treydayway https://t.co/c64nfwFO1X
Böb Jänke: Hönkÿ @Bob_Janke
39K Followers 10K Following Chicago Member FDIC Views are my own because you're not brave enough I write this for fun https://t.co/heH4IlIEWZ I know who DB Cooper is.
Dan Regan @DanRegan_Comedy
25K Followers 7K Following Comedian//Comedy Writer Sometimes I write funny stuff so keep checking. https://t.co/QwGtdvzVph
Salty MacTavish 🇺�.. @SaltyMacTavish
13K Followers 9K Following We hardly talk about clams anymore and frankly I’m steamed about it https://t.co/MEeOiowPL2
Not Today Eric @NotTodayEric
27K Followers 9K Following Gen X Superhero. Old people jokes for my old people followers. 90’s Kid Alumni. #cheeseburgers
inspector ratchet @_hood_mona_lisa
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The Ciscokidder @TheCiscoKidder
36K Followers 12K Following 99% jokes, 100% Stay home dad, atheist, BLM, feminist, pro LGBTQ+ and left af. https://t.co/HpCbHaktUa
Boyd's Backyard™ @TheBoydP
102K Followers 20K Following I’d rather be working on my yard. #envydastrength I retweet regular people. My tweets are here: https://t.co/zOIJ18SHBV
sixfootcandy @sixfootcandy
50K Followers 7K Following Loves animals more than most people. https://t.co/bTlLzDrFl4
Marcmywords @Marcmywords2
55K Followers 50K Following Tweeting Live From The Capital Of The Who Dat Nation. https://t.co/92vEozoAvo
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13K Followers 6K Following Twitter is easy. You just have to be funny all the time or no one will love you.
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// @ForkNifeSpoonie
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15 Followers 497 Following New here 😊 Flowery 🌹🥀🌼🏵️🌼🌻🌷 Summer time ⛱️🌞🌞
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88 Followers 838 Following
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94 Followers 311 Following it all about the enlightenment ones are you interested to be enlightened by the Illuminati
Trey @treydayway
41K Followers 6K Following *Something profound* - @treydayway https://t.co/c64nfwFO1X
Böb Jänke: Hönkÿ @Bob_Janke
39K Followers 10K Following Chicago Member FDIC Views are my own because you're not brave enough I write this for fun https://t.co/heH4IlIEWZ I know who DB Cooper is.
Dan Regan @DanRegan_Comedy
25K Followers 7K Following Comedian//Comedy Writer Sometimes I write funny stuff so keep checking. https://t.co/QwGtdvzVph
Salty MacTavish 🇺�.. @SaltyMacTavish
13K Followers 9K Following We hardly talk about clams anymore and frankly I’m steamed about it https://t.co/MEeOiowPL2
Not Today Eric @NotTodayEric
27K Followers 9K Following Gen X Superhero. Old people jokes for my old people followers. 90’s Kid Alumni. #cheeseburgers
inspector ratchet @_hood_mona_lisa
19K Followers 7K Following Public menace. Bog Witch. Level 58 Trainwreck. Costco Gold Star Member.
The Ciscokidder @TheCiscoKidder
36K Followers 12K Following 99% jokes, 100% Stay home dad, atheist, BLM, feminist, pro LGBTQ+ and left af. https://t.co/HpCbHaktUa
Boyd's Backyard™ @TheBoydP
102K Followers 20K Following I’d rather be working on my yard. #envydastrength I retweet regular people. My tweets are here: https://t.co/zOIJ18SHBV
sixfootcandy @sixfootcandy
50K Followers 7K Following Loves animals more than most people. https://t.co/bTlLzDrFl4
Marcmywords @Marcmywords2
55K Followers 50K Following Tweeting Live From The Capital Of The Who Dat Nation. https://t.co/92vEozoAvo
nice things I say to .. @meantomyself
28K Followers 8K Following Hopeful idiot | your big suburban | Log Lady | X's hottest mom™️ | tired founder. Not funny or young enough to write tweets for Clorox. avi @popartcartoonz
Matty @bestestname
13K Followers 6K Following Twitter is easy. You just have to be funny all the time or no one will love you.
Mad Hatter Mommy!!! @MadHatterMommy
23K Followers 4K Following sometimes funny, full of cheese, chocolate and unpopular opinions; don’t DM please https://t.co/IdtiajUsnd
Fulkery, A Parody Wra.. @Fulkery1
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Alfie @DownFrontArtist
54K Followers 48K Following There is no show without business. https://t.co/X2EN341vnk
Daddys Favorite @Mommas_Favorite
1K Followers 4K Following Tweet Observer. Occasional Engager. #WellnessProfessional #PromoteHealth #Yoga #HealthCoach #DogMom
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2K Followers 3K Following For Humanity & Nature. HRC, IT Manager, Army vet, CDL-A: NT, Independent, Everyone is a person, Husband to @Blue_Crone, Dad, Pagan, Foodie, Love Dogs, NO DMs!
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Insert a witty name h.. @Thehotstoner
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M❍n❍t❍ne❍fBil.. @MonotoneofBill
106K Followers 107K Following Ernie (not Bill). Retired trombonist/music administrator in southern Maine. #Puns #Blue #Boston @[email protected]
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1K Followers 4K Following I wouldn't miss this "great experiment in democracy" for all the chai in Tina. No DMs, please
jim Hufnagel PE @hufnagel_Cowboy
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ella (tiktok: @blonde.. @blondehotcoffee
2K Followers 2K Following i only tweet when i’m high or manic
Crumworth Raines @sneedindeed
551 Followers 551 Following French jazz club-goer and potato observer.
The Regal Brabbit �.. @Falcon61372336
649 Followers 767 Following not man or woman not black nor White not gay nor straight not Christian or Muslim. I'm just A. Hugh Manbeing. no DMS or I will unfollow in a second.
Chris Nessen @ChrisNessen
227 Followers 767 Following I live in Wash st. Love watching sports and am a big nascar fan. Go seahawks, huskies, and Stewart/Haas racing 12th man for life! I follow back
Mistress of Mayhem/Ch.. @convrsatnpiece
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🌻MAGEEK☮️🟦�.. @MAGEEK_ER
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4K Followers 5K Following ULTRAMAGA!!! Supporter of all things Catturd! Scorpio. Very married 22! years
Rhonda @rhoni3369
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Stephen Vinson @FindingStephen
4K Followers 4K Following On a weight loss journey. Walking/Jogging Rocket City Half Marathon in Huntsville, AL Dec 15, '24. Love live music. Divorced. 🏳️🌈🏳️⚧️Ally. 🇺🇸 He/Him.
Bridget Mahoney @BridgeMahone216
2K Followers 3K FollowingI’ll jump off that bridge when we get there.
You call it huffing gasoline. I call it aromatherapy. We are not the same.
Don’t be the person who shows them that it’s not worth sharing your vulnerability.
I just want someone to love me enough to give me a ring and ask me to marry them but also love me enough to never actually get married is that too much to ask
@Tbone7219 just reply with something like "hey, did your sister get some new tiddies?" I promise you, you will no longer be arguing about your wifes new hairstyle.
@Tbone7219 Only that you look more beautiful and I love you more each day. And whatever the hell you wanna put after that! 🤷♂️ 😂
@Tbone7219 The correct response is no. You look just as beautiful today as you did the day I met you
@Tbone7219 To which you reply "after the years we have spent together every day you are more beautiful to me I don't bother with the little things babe. "
@Tbone7219 I love in fear hat one day my wife will say she actually likes me
@Tbone7219 When my wife asks me questions that put my life in jeopardy, I simply reply: “Tell me what the correct answer is, because we are a team.”
@Tbone7219 Tell her that her skin looks softer, but then she may ask anything else, say yes then compliment her body 😆😆
@Tbone7219 In this day & age of technology such fear is unnecessary. Take a pic every day make it your wallpaper, the moment she asks glance at your phone like you just got a prompt for quick reference.
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