FRONT TOWARD ENEMY @armyVet1972
#deadcorps MOSTLY DEAD_ former Dallas cowboy cheerleader bodyguard_currently just an old dude mstdn.social/@armyvet1972 Ask your mom Joined March 2011-
Tweets103K
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Followers5K
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Following3K
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Likes109K
I have never in my life called anybody “bro”
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But instead of my sled being named Rosebud, I named mine labia minora
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Like most serial killers, I am a Gemini. - my first day on inspirational horoscope twitter
FRONT TOWARD ENEMY retweeted
BIG NEWS: I’m delighted to announce that tomorrow I’ll be taking up my position as CEO of the International Dry Ice On Tap Society and hope to see you all at our next AGM.
FRONT TOWARD ENEMY retweeted
I’m at an age where I thought Ice Spice was an illegal drug they were selling at Coachella
Vote for @verabloombaby ⬇️⬇️⬇️ (Her song is rad. She’s rad. There is much radness happening here) Help one lucky band advance in @Lightning100's #MusicCityMayhem for a chance to play @LiveOnTheGreen lightning100.com/musiccitymayhe…
This laundromat has very strict rules about not shooting porn during peak hours.
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Whenever friends from the suburbs ask me for restaurant recommendations in the city, my mind immediately goes blank. I’ll think, well I ate at Subway today, but there was a guy talking to a wall out front.
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“whilst” well look at you mr. fancypants
You would think at least one woman waiting in line outside that castle would’ve figured out that Prince Charming is just a guy with a foot fetish
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I'm cheerful because I look good in black.
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The only thing Americans are still competent in, is blaming others for their problems.
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Cilantro tasting like soap for some people is a genetic thing. Much like how some people eat asparagus and then I can't stop drinking their piss
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Every tweet can be an inspirational tweet if you run it through google translate.
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Thing about ya girl is … I don’t like no whips and chains and I always sabotage me.
Eating the silica gel because I’m a desiccan not a desiccant
Drop your pants and moon the eclipse next week. Let’s help our closest celestial neighbor defeat god
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Autistic man who appears at open mics in costume and makes people laugh by accident Girl who can't afford therapy and just talks about her day on stage Guy who says "guess that was too edgy for y'all" after bombing with jokes that everyone has heard 100x since middle school
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Comedian archetypes: Boring married guy who does dark one-liners about shit that never happened Preachy, unfunny woman who has a following because she speaks in feminist hashtags Guy in early 20s who talks about his dick nonstop but also claims women comics only talk about sex
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POOPSCRUFFIN4U (alpha.. @POOPSCRUFFIN4U
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@armyVet1972 AND... while you had the chip in... You still never once say "Bro."
I want to have nice things, but all I have are sweats, leggings, t-shirts and hoodies because there is always something more important to spend money on than myself.
Him: It’s impossible to talk to you without you flying off the handle. Her: It’s impossible to talk to you. - a Twitter love story
Like most serial killers, I am a Gemini. - my first day on inspirational horoscope twitter
If your man owns a boat & you don’t refer to his junk as a massive barge you don’t really love him.
BIG NEWS: I’m delighted to announce that tomorrow I’ll be taking up my position as CEO of the International Dry Ice On Tap Society and hope to see you all at our next AGM.
I’m at an age where I thought Ice Spice was an illegal drug they were selling at Coachella
NAHHH SON THIS THE SCARIEST SHIT I EVER SEEN. I just dropped my phone and ran off what the fuck
All the moms at Sam's Club look like this
Whenever friends from the suburbs ask me for restaurant recommendations in the city, my mind immediately goes blank. I’ll think, well I ate at Subway today, but there was a guy talking to a wall out front.
these pictures were taken 10 minutes apart
Nashville friends I'm selling my ticket for Knocked Loose w/ Loathe, Show Me The Body, & SPEED at Marathon on 5/1/24 so hmu
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