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‘He skipped from the car, in his finest Brooks Brother’s Boys suit, tortoise shell Oliver People’s giving him the air of refinement he so craved but still looked like the guy who carried the equipment bag for evangelical league softball games. He was a long way from church now..
‘He sauntered on to his private G550, wearing a tight black t-shirt that silhouetted his plump b-cups. A black cowboy hat was on backwards but none of the sycophants gathered for the short flight from Austin had the balls to tell him. He told a joke in his strange clipped dialect
I played basketball from the time I could walk. Started taking novocaine and cortisone for injuries as an early-teen. Would do anything in order to be healthy enough to play. I played until age 32. An old 32 physically. Planned on playing longer. 3-years left on my NBA contract.…
I did my best
Had a wonderful evening last night at The 2024 Vanity Fair Oscar Party with the two fellas to my right. The fella to my left…someone named “Justin T. from New York” (?)….was also kind but boy, did he have a lot of questions. You can hear some of them on “SmartLess”. 📸 Mark…
Budget Deficit (numbers in parentheses mean surplus) Under Jimmy Carter 1977: $54B 1981: $79B Change: +46.2963% Under Ronald Reagan 1981: $79B 1989: $153B Change: +93.6709% Under George H.W. Bush 1989: $153B 1993: $255B Change: +66.6667% Under Bill Clinton 1993: $255B 2001:…
YESSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Playtime’s over. #SuicideSquadGame is AVAILABLE NOW! @suicidesquadRS
Please respect my privacy in this difficult time
Please respect my privacy in this difficult time
Excited to *help* my new bestie @cmcdavid97 at the #NHLAllStar game!! …and also show off my home town of Toronto!! @espn @espnPlus
Excited to *help* my new bestie @cmcdavid97 at the #NHLAllStar game!! …and also show off my home town of Toronto!! @espn @espnPlus
It's that magical time of year again! Please enjoy "WHO KILLED SANTA: A MURDERVILLE MURDER MYSTERY" starring @arnettwill, @batemanjason, @MayaRudolph & Pete Davidson on @netflix! "The Netflix Murder Mystery That's Perfect For The Holidays" giantfreakinrobot.com/ent/netflix-my…
Sooner country paying homage to @arnettwill. (For Tracey in Wisconsin, “sooner country” refers to Oklahoma.)
Never a pen Terrible #England #Euro2024Qualifiers
Shambolic
Hooper and his crew might as well have kicked that one in themselves.
Jump into the passenger seat. We’ve got a job to do. #TwistedMetal premieres July 27, only on @peacock
Things just got really real! The first two episodes of our new podcast “Just Jack & Will” are out now. To LISTEN, Click HERE: wondery.com/links/just-jac… @smartlessmedia #JustJackAndWill #SeanHayes @EricMcCormack #WillAndGrace @WonderyMedia @amazonmusic
Ben Schwartz @rejectedjokes
1.2M Followers 931 Following Tix for Ben Schwartz & Friends improv shows at https://t.co/BfAqa2o7Hy
david cross✍ @davidcrosss
299K Followers 953 Following Stream my newest special WORST DADDY IN THE WORLD at https://t.co/nDD8NpUZjy. Subscribe to my new podcast at https://t.co/Cf1GByCX76
Andy Richter @AndyRichter
1.0M Followers 2K Following @richtercommaandy on Instagram and Threads, Podcast: The Three Questions. And new Sirius XM Call-in show, link below for callers
Paul F. Tompkins @PFTompkins
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Arrested Development @bluthquotes
252K Followers 27 Following Unofficial quotes, news, and links from the greatest show ever, Arrested Development.
“SmartLess” @SmartLess
72K Followers 315 Following The #1 Comedy podcast in the world, hosted by Sean Hayes (@SeanHayes), Jason Bateman (@batemanjason) & Will Arnett (@Arnettwill). Follow us @SmartLessMedia!
Judd Apatow 🇺🇦 @JuddApatow
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Julia Louis-Dreyfus @OfficialJLD
1.3M Followers 621 Following
Paul Scheer @paulscheer
764K Followers 3K Following 📕Pre-Order My Book, “Joyful Recollections of Trauma” wherever books are sold. 🎧Listen to How Did This Get Made & Unspooled 📝 https://t.co/dSVJWA7lFY
Sean Hayes @SeanHayes
503K Followers 539 Following Actor & Producer. 82% human, 16% styrofoam, 2% unknown.
Dave Foley @DaveSFoley
204K Followers 2K Following I am selectively famous.I don’t respect your beliefs.Also,I don’t respect my beliefs. Podcast, Really?!. with Tom and Dave now available.
Netflix Is A Joke @NetflixIsAJoke
310K Followers 758 Following #NetflixIsAJokeFest returns May 1-12!
Molly McNearney @mollymcnearney
149K Followers 524 Following ep and co-head writer for jimmy kimmel live, emmys, oscars. i will squeeze your baby.
Jay Chandrasekhar @jaychandrasekha
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Team Coco @TeamCoco
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77 Followers 275 Following
Joshua Dufurrena @JoshuaDufurre30
16 Followers 133 Following hi my name is Joshua Dufurrena and i'll be staying on Twitter doing videos until June 2030 cuz i want a break from doing videos on YouTube.
Gina Cox @GinaCox466556
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Christoffer Lindberg @Christoffer8899
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Angel Rose⚖️ @Angel_05Rose
98 Followers 2K Following •I have a masters degree in Yaoiology •VTubers, Memes, Games, BL •Weakness: Masculine Women and Feminine Men •Block me if you want •Woman✝️
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Kazuo Ishiguro enthus.. @Stellabum210594
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jebbrein @jebbrein
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Lauren Clinton @LaurenClin67588
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Nathan Ortiz @nathanrayo
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Hockey Patrol @HockeyPatrol
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Hugh Geoghegan @HughManBeing
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Matthew Huntley @MatthewDHuntley
25 Followers 64 Following
Non Ducor, Duco @JustMatt22
456 Followers 870 Following •🪖 Army '03 -'11 🇺🇸• Chiefs, Royals, Mizzou • MMA/Athlete • UMKC 🦘 Alum • Equality For All except Racists, Bigots and Insurrectionists, F YOU! 🇮🇪
Jane Uren @midsomerjanie
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Stitch (Ex 626) @ratchetncLIank
342 Followers 927 Following Amoebas are cool since they're small and really fantastic at having swag.
Mike Naive @mike_naive
158 Followers 336 Following Unprofessional #author of barely believable nonsense, available on Kindle Unlimited.
Adaline Bowman 🇺�.. @Adalinebowman31
93 Followers 668 Following Spring flowers fragrance full courtyard, a stray outside.
caleb 42069/30 @CalebUrie1
252 Followers 1K Following 👑so I've got one more run and it's gonna be a sight to see👑
KTS @softwire444
152 Followers 1K Following #1 Samus in my bathtub//Confusion is a beautiful nonlinear state of being//Maine ♎️🐉 🎶🎨🔮
Skylar Jones @SkylarJones75
209 Followers 473 Following
Bryan Piggott @PiggottBryan
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Denise M Ray @deemray33
94 Followers 622 Following 💞LAUGHTER is timeless, IMAGINATION has no age and DREAMS are forever 💞
TRIPS: Through Realit.. @TripsThrough
21 Followers 158 Following A comedic talk, sketch, and clip radio show on the Time 4 Hemp Network on iHeart Radio. Hosted by Casey James and Norphblat Forsgren.
TWC @TheWylieChief
85 Followers 681 Following
rcole3171 @BadBatch3171
0 Followers 205 Following
Ben Schwartz @rejectedjokes
1.2M Followers 931 Following Tix for Ben Schwartz & Friends improv shows at https://t.co/BfAqa2o7Hy
david cross✍ @davidcrosss
299K Followers 953 Following Stream my newest special WORST DADDY IN THE WORLD at https://t.co/nDD8NpUZjy. Subscribe to my new podcast at https://t.co/Cf1GByCX76
Andy Richter @AndyRichter
1.0M Followers 2K Following @richtercommaandy on Instagram and Threads, Podcast: The Three Questions. And new Sirius XM Call-in show, link below for callers
Paul F. Tompkins @PFTompkins
1.2M Followers 3K Following TV & standup & improv & podcasts, hardly any movies Instagram: https://t.co/OWAlzVWjle
marc maron @marcmaron
880K Followers 507 Following I am a comic, actor, feral cat wrangler, writer & host of WTF the podcast.
“SmartLess” @SmartLess
72K Followers 315 Following The #1 Comedy podcast in the world, hosted by Sean Hayes (@SeanHayes), Jason Bateman (@batemanjason) & Will Arnett (@Arnettwill). Follow us @SmartLessMedia!
Judd Apatow 🇺🇦 @JuddApatow
2.3M Followers 2K Following
Paul Scheer @paulscheer
764K Followers 3K Following 📕Pre-Order My Book, “Joyful Recollections of Trauma” wherever books are sold. 🎧Listen to How Did This Get Made & Unspooled 📝 https://t.co/dSVJWA7lFY
Sean Hayes @SeanHayes
503K Followers 539 Following Actor & Producer. 82% human, 16% styrofoam, 2% unknown.
Netflix Is A Joke @NetflixIsAJoke
310K Followers 758 Following #NetflixIsAJokeFest returns May 1-12!
Molly McNearney @mollymcnearney
149K Followers 524 Following ep and co-head writer for jimmy kimmel live, emmys, oscars. i will squeeze your baby.
John Levenstein @johnlevenstein
32K Followers 947 Following Arrested Development, Baskets, Kroll Show, Portlandia, Silicon Valley, and Frankenstein’s Monster’s Monster, Frankenstein
Brian Stack @BrianStack153
53K Followers 3K Following Writer, @ColbertLateShow Formerly at "Conan". @TheSecondCity Other stuff. @IUBloomington @UWMadison
LEGO Masters FOX @LEGOMastersFOX
26K Followers 68 Following Brick yeah! New episodes of #LEGOMastersFOX air every Thursday on @foxtv! 🧱 Catch up on previous episodes and seasons on @hulu! 🥳
Sara Civ @SaraCivian
83K Followers 4K Following @br_openice @2_much_man @eprinkside email: [email protected].
mommygirl, CPA @bigdumb_baby
23K Followers 781 Following ACTUALLY !!! the real official mommygirl | certified Never been Serious in my Life about anything
NoelCaslerComedy🌙 @caslernoel
426K Followers 730 Following NYC Based Stand-Up Comedian•Noel Casler Podcast•Car Rants• 'Noel's Notes' on Substack•Tour Dates at https://t.co/snzWVJwEbz
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1.0M Followers 628 Following Instagram: _paige.renee Inquiries: [email protected]
Gary Peterson 🇺�.. @GaryPetersonUSA
57K Followers 333 Following Patriot. Bible Reader. Mall Santa. I like WOMEN! Bass player for our church band Shifty Nelson & The Dixieland Scooters, who puts America First.
Don Winslow @donwinslow
931K Followers 39K Following #1 bestselling author Author of 3 New York Times Critics Choice Best Books of the Year #WinslowDigitalArmy Find great books by following: @WinslowBookClub
Adam Parkhomenko @AdamParkhomenko
743K Followers 82K Following Dem Strategist. Dad to Cameron, Paxton, Moose and Simba. Former DNC National Field Director, Hillary advisor and more. Free newsletter https://t.co/8lzYEtjCet
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550K Followers 2K Following content creator. NFL correspondent at @stadium. I like putting teams in uncomfortable meetings 🏈 for inquiries: [email protected]
Laura Woods @laura_woodsy
787K Followers 3K Following 🏆 Broadcast Sports Presenter of the Year 🏆 SJA Sports Presenter of the Year x 2 🏆 @itvfootball ⚽️ @tntsports ❤️ https://t.co/j52z48lQfb
Patches O’Houlihan @sondraa
70K Followers 1K Following this isn’t where I parked my car // ig: sondratelarroja
SurfSkateThrash @SurfThrash
14K Followers 8K Following Survivor. Banned for sharing music that is accessible on YouTube. Born during a Ramones set. 🎶 I was a surfer I had a skateboard backup: @surfskatethrash
Inner City Press @innercitypress
266K Followers 3K Following Matthew Russell Lee for/as Inner City Press covers SDNY, UN Gate, banks & IMF. books https://t.co/xHL0pGID4n https://t.co/VTEqaLISDB
Liverpool FC USA @LFCUSA
574K Followers 605 Following Official USA account of @LFC 🇺🇸 Stop The Hate, Stand Up, Report It. #RedTogether ✊
Josh Pugh @JoshPughComic
88K Followers 852 Following Fancy Dan.On Tour 2024 tickets on the website. Enquiries to [email protected] - https://t.co/LrVPjYAxzV 📸 @amybrammall
Leslie Horton @global_leslie
23K Followers 782 Following TV Host, Mom, cancer warrior... sometimes i make artichoke dip
Michael S. Kim @Mike_kim714
116K Followers 342 Following CAL Golden Bear and now professional golfer on the PGA TOUR with one victory at the 2018 John Deere classic… amateur Warzone player
Lou Stagner (Golf Sta.. @LouStagner
169K Followers 1K Following Performance Coach, @ArccosGolf (DATALOU15 saves 15%), @Titleist Ambassador, @HackItOutGolf, @StrackaLine (DATALOU15 saves 15%), @PrincetonGolf
Sky Sports Premier Le.. @SkySportsPL
12.2M Followers 38 Following The official account for the Sky Sports Premier League channel
Domenick Lombardozzi @D_Lombardozzi
80K Followers 2K Following “After the game the King and pawn go into the same box.”
Jim Cantore @JimCantore
1.3M Followers 3K Following Certified Broadcast Meteorologist and AMS Fellow. WX GEEK at TWC for 37+ years. Always awaiting mother natures latest temper tantrum. The journey is the reward.
Grove Atlantic @groveatlantic
38K Followers 2K Following An independent literary publisher since 1917. Imprints: Grove Press, Atlantic Monthly Press, Black Cat, Roxane Gay Books. We can’t go on, we’ll go on.
Chef Reactions @ChefReactions
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Clearance Thomas™ @theliamnissan
326K Followers 14K Following What I have is a particular set of skills; skills that make me a nightmare for Nazi dickbags on the internet. I joke, and drive a Nissan (parody)
Sarah Lancashire @SarahLancsUK
83K Followers 165 Following Twitter page for the latest news & updates on actress Sarah Lancashire OBE. Posting daily photos and news. **Sarah is NOT on social media**
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The GEICO Gecko @TheGEICOGecko
33K Followers 187 Following Lizard with a penchant for tea, traveling, and spreading the news about savings for @GEICO.
Omaha Productions @OmahaProd
110K Followers 327 Following Watch sports with us. Quarter zips optional.
derek guy @dieworkwear
809K Followers 963 Following Menswear writer. Editor at @putthison. Creator of @RLGoesHard. Bylines at The New York Times, The Washington Post, The Financial Times, Esquire, and Mr. Porter
Greg Grunberg @greggrunberg
1.2M Followers 9K Following Adequate Actor. Swell Host. Writer/Producer. Opinions are mine, but I’m a giver! Shooting DUSTER
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1.5M Followers 4K Following British-American journalist. Editor-in-chief and CEO of new media company @zeteo_news. Subscribe here: https://t.co/sEC1ETyGtn
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1.0M Followers 119 Following Your source for the latest trends, discoveries, and most shocking truths & little-known facts about the world. 🚀 DM us your findings!
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John Heilemann @jheil
406K Followers 4K Following @SHO_TheCircus host/creator/ep; @NBCNews+@MSNBC natl affairs analyst/Hell&HighWater pod host/Game Change+Double Down coauthor/Great Dane valet. Wu Tang? Yup. 👐
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332K Followers 548 Following Understand deeply how the world works today to navigate the world of tomorrow. Join 80k ppl in my free newsletter:
Depends on who you ask if yesterday was successful- One friend became mute & had to be sent home The birthday girl was throwing up in a bucket I was the most sober one because I only did seltzers Every bar denied our music choices
Today is my bffs birthday and we’re doing a bar crawl. The theme? Creed and Nickelback. Send prayers
PSA to all my followers: Please never tweet anything like to me again I am not on here to talk about business or anything business-adjacent
@bigdumb_baby Are you afraid that AI will wipe out the need for CPAs?
Just watched this video of this mom saying her kids names and one of their fucking names is SLIM EASY
New YouTube video! Watch me play Harbour Town. The same course the pros are playing this week! Click here to see how low I can go-youtu.be/hviyTVyDOUU?si…
‘He skipped from the car, in his finest Brooks Brother’s Boys suit, tortoise shell Oliver People’s giving him the air of refinement he so craved but still looked like the guy who carried the equipment bag for evangelical league softball games. He was a long way from church now..
Steve Bannon looks like he’s in the Fitness Protection Program.
I live in South Texas. I have watched our border for years. The one thing that really pisses me off is when some MAGA cult member who has been drinking from the right-wing propaganda hose for years tries to tell me what I have experienced, what I have lived. Here’s the reality……
it’s so incredible what you’ve accomplished. I’ll always be here to hold your hand.♥️ happy 30th birthday to the best big brother @agar_john
I played basketball from the time I could walk. Started taking novocaine and cortisone for injuries as an early-teen. Would do anything in order to be healthy enough to play. I played until age 32. An old 32 physically. Planned on playing longer. 3-years left on my NBA contract.…
Had a wonderful evening last night at The 2024 Vanity Fair Oscar Party with the two fellas to my right. The fella to my left…someone named “Justin T. from New York” (?)….was also kind but boy, did he have a lot of questions. You can hear some of them on “SmartLess”. 📸 Mark…
one year ago we had no fucking clue if it would be possible to be where we are atm. we were starting the production of our album while snow covered the house we were working at. today, our team told us “coffee” has been the best release in hinds history. T H A N K Y O U, de ♥️
got to see patrick kane last night. you know chicago should really get someone like him
Budget Deficit (numbers in parentheses mean surplus) Under Jimmy Carter 1977: $54B 1981: $79B Change: +46.2963% Under Ronald Reagan 1981: $79B 1989: $153B Change: +93.6709% Under George H.W. Bush 1989: $153B 1993: $255B Change: +66.6667% Under Bill Clinton 1993: $255B 2001:…
YESSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
🚨 Roll Call, Reds 🚨 Where are you watching today's #CarabaoCupFinal from? 📍 #CHELIV
The best castration jokes are the ones you never see coming.
Dinosaur Jr. The Wagon Reading Festival; From the movie “1991: The Year Punk Broke”
@arnettwill I've coached my daughter's U10 soccer team the last two seasons and am happy to help out. We mostly do the drill where you try to dribble your ball without falling down.
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