Abbi Crutchfield @curlycomedy
Hulu, Comedy Central, truTV, NBC, CBS • I joke a lot. • Mastadon: https://t.co/UymYo2qVSc • Bluesky: https://t.co/sRjqLg32ly instagram.com/curlycomedy New York, NY Joined December 2008-
Tweets84K
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Followers48K
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Following5K
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Likes256K
No cuticle oil company has figured out how to make it with melted butter so I can immediately eat shrimp worry-free. Do I have to think of everything??
I'm having the kind of cramps that make me think women should be paid more than men.
Has cauliflower tried to sneak into desserts yet?
lol this was most days in our monologue meetings. You can see why I’ve been almost clinically depressed since the show went off the air.
lol this was most days in our monologue meetings. You can see why I’ve been almost clinically depressed since the show went off the air.
My episode of @GhostsCBS airs tomorrow, April 11th! Alberta (played by the brilliant @bodycourage) hits it off with a poltergeist (@LamorneMorris), who is attached to a new Woodstone Mansion guest (@ImGeoffreyOwens). Watch on @CBS and @paramountplus!
I am loving this show! Way to go Aaron and team!
I am loving this show! Way to go Aaron and team!
My dogs didn’t feel the earthquake because they have constant gas.
Brooklyn just had a mini earthquake. Or I made a particularly impactful breakfast.
I know it’s Spring when the lining of my winter coat sticks to my moisturized arms.
Was listening to classic rock and my son asked me to turn off the “truck commercial music”
Yo' momma's so stupid she thinks someone else being trans negatively impacts her in some way.
If my dog had a catchphrase it would be, “I came as soon as I heard! What do you need me to eat??”
It’s okay to call it T.J. Marshalls. They’re the same store.
Here is the interaction:
Alpha Male (real) @SortaBad
62K Followers 794 Following @sortaokaytbh if we are pals. Solana + Metis + Avax ecosystem maxiᎽᴀᴇʟ @elle91
25K Followers 340 Following Writer, animal foster person, 69 inches tall. If you let me write for your thing, I'll kiss you right on the head. Venmo/yael91, IG/the.yaellauren ashley bishop @sbellelauren
53K Followers 2K Following comedy writer. comedy performer. mother of all dogs. AR native. my brain is @deeppawghts on IG tiktok: @sbellelaurenFRO VO @fro_vo
42K Followers 1K Following 🦋 @frovo.bsky.social - - TOP TWEETS: https://t.co/NZPHrTUDjC -- Recent Tweets: https://t.co/4WK3dR41F1 -- STORE: https://t.co/YaxNssq5DCdonni saphire @donni
60K Followers 2K Following Skeptical of most squirrels. Friendly comedian. More jokes on @[email protected]. Producer on The Love Below at Beermiscuous in Lincoln Park. Hat avoider.Viktor Winetrout @Cpin42
26K Followers 652 Following Creator of @Sorrowscopes & @WeirdCelebTwets https://t.co/fJ5BJjLtIbfredesque @FredTaming
27K Followers 890 Following black & trans lives matter | stop asian hate | 🏳️🌈 🏳️⚧️ friendly | he/him | fka taming fr*d s*vage |sweatpants cher🔸 @House_Feminist
32K Followers 632 Following • unverified account • orca sympathizer • she/her • 🔴 alt @thot_feministTed Travelstead @trumpetcake
50K Followers 5K Following I'm not everyone's cup of teeth. https://t.co/97Pa1xYSHhjo @whatsJo
48K Followers 957 Following b-side. I eat popsicles for breakfast. Trial ft error. 🤖rights. crusha bit, lil bit✨Adrenalin @adrenalindenver
26K Followers 816 Following Local pop punk band in Denver. DM for booking info! Guitar/vocals: @Woody_B_ Bass: @dave_cactus Drums: Ripcord Lead Guitar: DuncanSean O’Connor @seanoconnz
45K Followers 3K Following Comedian. Writer. Mets fan. SOLAR OPPOSITES (Hulu), CLOSE ENOUGH, Norm MacDonald Live and other shows.audrey farnsworth @audipenny
43K Followers 850 Following writer. @audipenny on IG / important newsletter @ https://t.co/bZaZufPQ3K / comics at @scaretownusaArby’s Provocateur @SamGrittner
49K Followers 1K Following Poison for dinner? Again? 📸 IG: @samgrittnerMariya Alexander @MariyaAlexander
20K Followers 930 Following Comedian and writer with a heart of cash for gold. Sentient meat sack. Very stable genius. https://t.co/btrGt4suBzAlison Leiby @AlisonLeiby
26K Followers 2K Following you probably know me from my abortion. co-host of @ruinedpodcastbornmiserable.bsky.so.. @bornmiserable
19K Followers 183 Following ELON MUSK IS A WHITE SUPREMACIST AND TRANSPHOBE: https://t.co/NCBoblquUZ…Todd 'Papi' Carlos @TheToddWilliams
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19 Followers 180 FollowingLee C @leenizz
20 Followers 486 FollowingClimate Crisis AF @chad_baldner
891 Followers 5K FollowingBack2Back “Big Hoss.. @abigailmarie53
1K Followers 542 Following known panicker, always salty, down for queso, perfect kind of menace. here for UConn basketball.Shady Rick @Shajrick
0 Followers 1K FollowingPhilip McVeigh @McVeigh54200
1K Followers 4K FollowingDaily Bo @boburnham_daily
964 Followers 236 Following (Unofficial) updates for Emmy & Grammy award-winning comedian, musician, actor, director @boburnham. News + career highlights.Funny Snarky Humor @FUNNYsnarkyJOKE
9K Followers 2K Following I like 2 make light of things 2 brighten up a dark world. #funny #humor #satire #snarky #memes #humour #hilariouskehander @kehander
179 Followers 2K Following i am very afraid and do not know enough about the subject to give an informed response. why, why are you reading this. All fleeting is glory. Memento Tweeti.Üsame Gelir @__GelirUsame
44 Followers 2K Following Standing against terrorism is not an option, it's an obligationThought @Thought479730
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0 Followers 346 Following If you want to make friends, you can contact me anytime TG:https://t.co/iCWUUtWZoB WS:https://t.co/IGR3DWIGiQMusliandri Ismail @Musliandri73510
32 Followers 396 FollowingRyan Greeson @rwgreeson
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26 Followers 328 FollowingSlisough @slisough42937
19 Followers 2K FollowingSerreas @Serreas114579
41 Followers 2K FollowingHolly 💖 @laramcx_ts1751
0 Followers 2K Following Pre-Op Trans girl 🏳️⚧️ princess with a twist follow my main account @LaraMCXTSAmy @ameeeoo
8 Followers 93 FollowingLiam Dennis @liamskii
47 Followers 135 FollowingAlexis Carradorini @lexicarrad
1 Followers 15 Following aspiring hot girl. tips welcome and encouragedJORGE @JORGE4290635773
44 Followers 837 FollowingJim Elliott @Jimpetuous
2K Followers 1K Following Comedian & writer. 2024 Irish tour dates on sale now - check the link!Rob Penty @robpenty
657 Followers 1K Following Rochester, Brooklyn, Comedy, Tottenham Hotspur, Mets, and other stuff. (I'm ashamed at how accurately that represents me.)Barbi 🍬 @tsprada8723840
19 Followers 2K Following Post-Op Trans girl 🏳️⚧️ princess with a twist follow my main @pradabarbixAnders @LarsonAMG
96 Followers 409 Following European Federalist. Macroniste. Lawyer. Former Philadelphian.Karl Henschel @KarlHenschel
3K Followers 5K Following Married, environmental activist, save the world, go green as much as you can, EV cars are here, Vote Blue for Women’s Rights! No DM’s pleaseSara Joo @_Sara_ndipity
1 Followers 8 FollowingFunny Tweets @FunnyTweetzz4u
382 Followers 5K Following Look no further for funny tweets. #Humor #Funny #JokesNathan Howell @nhowell3759
92 Followers 1K Following Jeezibel and Frankie Lee. Jackie says on a night like this. Rimbaud and Leo Cohen fighting in the tailspin power. Bum is the luck.Barbi 🍧 @pradabarbi4132
36 Followers 2K Following Post-Op Trans girl 🏳️⚧️ princess with a twist follow my main account @pradabarbixHillary ❤️ @hilats6423582
30 Followers 2K Following trans girl 🏳️⚧️ i’m not active here, follow @hillary_tsJT Foxx @official_JTfoxx
347 Followers 1K Following Global Entrepreneur with businesses,properties & investment. Run yearly event Mega Success & weekly high Net-Worth group Founders!Barbi 🍬 @adea_ts3753208
56 Followers 2K Following Post-Op Trans girl 🏳️⚧️ princess with a twist follow my main account @pradabarbixDennis J. Wilson @DennisJamesWil4
370 Followers 5K Following Dad/husband/bee keeper/retired USAF, love my family/friends & my Red Sox/Bruins/Celtics/Redskins & Minor League baseball. GO UCONN/GO AIR FORCE FALCONS/VCU Ramsvumphre @vumphre
88 Followers 5K FollowingNuns on a Mission �.. @NunsOnAMission
408 Followers 431 Following 👉🏿Watch our AI Nun standup comedy 😇🎤 https://t.co/60O2KpEyMU 💙 Be a Crusader 👑 Collect our NFTs to support our Mission to spread laughter 😆 #nfts #aiMissy 💃 @Missy_jrv78345
53 Followers 3K Following trans girl 🏳️⚧️ private account 🤗 follow my main @transmissyRsquare @rekkyOmo
143 Followers 600 FollowingAlpha Male (real) @SortaBad
62K Followers 794 Following @sortaokaytbh if we are pals. Solana + Metis + Avax ecosystem maxiᎽᴀᴇʟ @elle91
25K Followers 340 Following Writer, animal foster person, 69 inches tall. If you let me write for your thing, I'll kiss you right on the head. Venmo/yael91, IG/the.yaellauren ashley bishop @sbellelauren
53K Followers 2K Following comedy writer. comedy performer. mother of all dogs. AR native. my brain is @deeppawghts on IG tiktok: @sbellelaurenFRO VO @fro_vo
42K Followers 1K Following 🦋 @frovo.bsky.social - - TOP TWEETS: https://t.co/NZPHrTUDjC -- Recent Tweets: https://t.co/4WK3dR41F1 -- STORE: https://t.co/YaxNssq5DCdonni saphire @donni
60K Followers 2K Following Skeptical of most squirrels. Friendly comedian. More jokes on @[email protected]. Producer on The Love Below at Beermiscuous in Lincoln Park. Hat avoider.Viktor Winetrout @Cpin42
26K Followers 652 Following Creator of @Sorrowscopes & @WeirdCelebTwets https://t.co/fJ5BJjLtIbfredesque @FredTaming
27K Followers 890 Following black & trans lives matter | stop asian hate | 🏳️🌈 🏳️⚧️ friendly | he/him | fka taming fr*d s*vage |sweatpants cher🔸 @House_Feminist
32K Followers 632 Following • unverified account • orca sympathizer • she/her • 🔴 alt @thot_feministTed Travelstead @trumpetcake
50K Followers 5K Following I'm not everyone's cup of teeth. https://t.co/97Pa1xYSHhjo @whatsJo
48K Followers 957 Following b-side. I eat popsicles for breakfast. Trial ft error. 🤖rights. crusha bit, lil bit✨Adrenalin @adrenalindenver
26K Followers 816 Following Local pop punk band in Denver. DM for booking info! Guitar/vocals: @Woody_B_ Bass: @dave_cactus Drums: Ripcord Lead Guitar: DuncanSean O’Connor @seanoconnz
45K Followers 3K Following Comedian. Writer. Mets fan. SOLAR OPPOSITES (Hulu), CLOSE ENOUGH, Norm MacDonald Live and other shows.audrey farnsworth @audipenny
43K Followers 850 Following writer. @audipenny on IG / important newsletter @ https://t.co/bZaZufPQ3K / comics at @scaretownusaArby’s Provocateur @SamGrittner
49K Followers 1K Following Poison for dinner? Again? 📸 IG: @samgrittnerMariya Alexander @MariyaAlexander
20K Followers 930 Following Comedian and writer with a heart of cash for gold. Sentient meat sack. Very stable genius. https://t.co/btrGt4suBzAlison Leiby @AlisonLeiby
26K Followers 2K Following you probably know me from my abortion. co-host of @ruinedpodcastbornmiserable.bsky.so.. @bornmiserable
19K Followers 183 Following ELON MUSK IS A WHITE SUPREMACIST AND TRANSPHOBE: https://t.co/NCBoblquUZ…Todd 'Papi' Carlos @TheToddWilliams
26K Followers 782 Following Engineer I'm also on BlueSky. Same name.BeccaInBaltimore @BeccaInBalt
2K Followers 5K Following I love the housewives & true crime shows & podcasts - @keithandthegirl @watchwhatcrappens @conversationstreet @mrjuliegoldman @theBrandyHoward #DumbGayPoliticsQuite Unusual Pod @quiteunusualpod
739 Followers 238 Following Celebrating the Strange & Keeping it Unusual 👽👻 Hosted by @nic_launi & @elleexistential @rodemics is our sugar daddyDM me cat pictures @malkatz
3K Followers 2K Following current nobody, aspiring somebody. jewsey jersey girl. perpetually unemployed. always looking for friends. racists and bigots not welcome. (she/her)The Ripped Bodice @TheRippedBodice
27K Followers 1K Following Est. 2016. Romance focused independent brick-and-mortar bookstore. Owned by sisters Bea + Leah Koch. Culver City, CA. Brooklyn location now open!it's megan @ourmotleycrew
4K Followers 2K Following Turning what if's into oh well's daily. Just doin' the best I can. When I feel like it. | #OpEleanorMane 'n Tail @ManenTail
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8K Followers 2K Following MORE PERSNICKETY THAN EVER https://t.co/9tHvo7JT1XExit Row For The Tall @ExitRow4TheTall
3K Followers 3K Following Airlines should give exit row seats to tall passengers at no additional charge instead of taking advantage of our height for profit. #ExitRowForTheTallJake Plunkett @JakePlunkett
8K Followers 979 Following Producer/Director. my mom calls them cute little skits even when I beg her not too(((Jew))) @JoshMalina
298K Followers 3K Following Hi. I ruined The West Wing. he/him https://t.co/amtBSPrYdFAmy Berg @bergopolis
41K Followers 2K Following Just a girl who writes movies and runs TV shows so she can rescue more dogs.JokePit Your Comedy E.. @PromoteComedy
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260K Followers 388 Following Satire, songs & the same eyebrows as this guy 👉🏽🥸 MGMT: [email protected]Jordon Ferber @JordonFerber
267 Followers 320 Following Jordon Ferber is a funny person. He doesn't say funny things on here often enough, but when he does its very special. You're welcome Twitter-verse.Ben Boven @benboven1
3K Followers 2K Following I write romantic comedies and apocalypse stories featuring the tiny house lifestyle. If that sounds cool, you're weird and I want to meet you.Young, Gifted and Abr.. @ygabroad
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90 Followers 491 Following Astronomer. Writer. The Universe's short term memory. One of the few people to have seen his own Venus shadow.I Hide From My Kids @IHideFromMyKids
20K Followers 1K Following freelance writer | content creator | someone once told me I was funny, for a mom | featured on BuzzFeed, Today Parents, HuffPost & more | Read my tweets👇Michael Dineen @michaeldineen58
5K Followers 5K Following Author of Suburban Gangsters/ Former Trainer to professional athletes @Chiefs / Long time practitioner of Martial Arts/ Edward Van Halen is KING/ NYC bornChef Reactions @ChefReactions
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16K Followers 2K Following Bios are hard. On Instagram as katiedeal99 https://t.co/iMruSPyTavErica Spates @EtotheRica321
1K Followers 607 Following she/her Writer, creator, producer, and basic bitch. Check out The Healing Powers of Dude on Netflix!seynique @seynique
11K Followers 1K Following comedian. writer. podcaster. | she/her co-host of @everybodywspod & @wediefirstpod seyniquesmythecomedy @ https://t.co/NqCyCotNYiThat Gives Me Anxiety.. @GivesanxietyPod
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3K Followers 278 Following therapist-turned-comedian @elykreimendahl & guests on what makes them SPIRAL. like listening in on a therapy session, but funny ❤️Dr. Nicki Washington @dr_nickiw
10K Followers 3K Following drnickiw on bsky. social and IG | Director @identityInCS | #JCSU Alum | #CS PhD | 💓💚 | I am Nina and Roberta, the one you love but ain't heard of.-RapsodyMohanad Elshieky @MohanadElsh
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475 Followers 2K Following Not Bedelia. Progressive Dem. BLM! Protect & Support Trans Kids and Adults. Tax The Rich. She/HerCarole Kirschner @CaroleKirsch
10K Followers 835 Following Director, CBS Writers Program & WGA Showrunner Training Program. Entertainment Career Coach, Speaker & Author Kicked out of girl scouts for telling a dirty jokeSee Mia Roll to Threa.. @SeeMiaRoll
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4K Followers 4K Following Supreme Court correspondent @nytimes. Alum: @MarshallProj, @UCBerkeleyIRP, @TB_Times. 2021 Pulitzer. Reach me at [email protected].Yuri Lamasbella @yurilamasbella
1K Followers 32 Following Fashion Lover. Beauty Obsessed. 👻Snapchat: bglady2 🐰Twitter: YuriLamasbella 💙Facebook: YuriLamasbella 🎥 YouTube: Yuri LamasbellaLeen McBeans ꪜ @LeenMcBeans
13K Followers 7K Following ✨Good intentions, questionable methods✨ Recovering academic. Mother of Dad Jokes. A third fun sounding thing. 🏳️🌈S. Michael Gaddis @smgaddis
17K Followers 3K Following Sr. Research Scientist @NWEA, former Associate Prof @UCLA, #FirstGen. Research: #discrimination #inequality #race #education @audit_studiesChristina Auriana @ChristinaAuria
3K Followers 5K Following Actress, writer, producer & Actors Studio Drama School MFA graduate w/gasoline running thru her veins. Latina. Italian.Maggie Smith @maggiesmithpoet
93K Followers 6K Following Not the dame, the other one. NYT bestselling author of YOU COULD MAKE THIS PLACE BEAUTIFUL & 5 other books. Substack: FOR DEAR LIFE. Booking: @blueflowerartsAl Yankovic @alyankovic
4.9M Followers 596 Following You know... the weird one. Instagram: alfredyankovic Bluesky: alyankovic Threads: alfredyankovic YouTube: alyankovic Facebook: weirdal TikTok: alyankovicdavid ehrlich @davidehrlich
150K Followers 480 Following chief film critic @IndieWire. now the real problems start. he/him.JessieMonroeNailCare @JMnailcare
19 Followers 99 Following Quick Dry Vegan Nail Polish Black Owned Business🌐 Clara Rose Thorn.. @ClaraRose
2K Followers 1K Following ✊🏾 Debut book, MOTION SICKNESS; @GreenWritersPub '25 /🎥 Author, documentarist /👩🏽🎓 ALM, @Harvard; Journalism '26 /🍷 WSET Level 2 /🎙CEO, InkBlot ComplexJarrett Bellini @JarrettBellini
45K Followers 2K Following Writer. Puncher-Upper. Lover of naps, mezcal, and Oxford commas. Self-loathing Tottenham, AZ Cardinals, & Suns fan. TikTok and 🧵 at JarrettBellini 🌵⭕️💀 COYShonored to be in time out! a place i haven’t frequented since getting in trouble as a toddler timeout.com/newyork/comedy…
@curlycomedy Where are you on ironing underwear? Yes/No
New episode of Dear Chelsea with @Janefonda is out now: iheart.com/podcast/1119-d…
"Despite its gently bummed-out vibe, ETERNAL SUNSHINE OF THE SPOTLESS MIND is a sneakily powerful film. It’s so affecting, in fact, that I get a little sad just thinking about the story and characters." Read @mattzollerseitz on the unforgettable film: rogerebert.com/mzs/why-eterna…
@curlycomedy This kind of life-changing solution is why I’m still on this site.
@AshleyShyMiller She should've been able to have affordable health insurance. Her colon meds should've been affordable and covered. Is this a country or a human labor farm? + horrified how the US plans to spin our preventable deaths.
I see she employed the middle school trick of soaking your project in tea to make it look old-timey
Poems on display at Taylor Swift’s “Tortured Poets Department” Los Angeles library installation.
Happy one year anniversary to the time I tweeted this picture with the caption “These are the vehicles my coworkers drive to our job at a bank” and it made truck guys so mad they figured out which bank I worked at and tried to get me fired 🥳🎉🍾
“How can you expect me to afford a 2nd car to daily drive so I don’t have to use my truck every day when I already have a race car, second house, and a boat? Why do leftists hate us salt of the earth working class folks?”
@slavojtrex @JohnDoe01032135 Am I gonna haul my race car to the track with a Honda Odyssey? Or haul my boat in and out of the launch when we go to our second home? The answer is no.
If I had to guess why they broke up I’m gonna have to say it’s because she cuts her own bangs like a 6-year old would.
She was beautiful, silent, and mysterious…like the d in Bundt cake.
@curlycomedy Women have such mysterious ailments
Game show idea: men are dropped off at an Ulta Beauty store with $500 and have to buy the right makeup for their ladies with no notes or cellphones.
@curlycomedy Or you should be free to randomly punch us in the gut to make up for it. Or both.
@313to253 @liamgareau U gotta have Conan Clearance...
@TimSullivanPSN @liamgareau Seemed like a nice firehouse dog
@liamgareau I had a much different experience. Went up to him to say “Hi.” He wouldn’t talk to me because I didn’t get clearance from Richard Lewis first.