Deena Lang @itsdeenalang
Relatable Adulthood + Momhood Humor twitter.com/search/from:it… Florida, USA Joined February 2009-
Tweets13K
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Followers4K
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Following646
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Likes11K
If you’re driving with the seat heater on because your back hurts, not because it’s cold, you’re my people 
Me: it’s super early. can we just have a lite conversation until my coffee kicks in? My kid: no problem… what are your thoughts on bureaucracy? 
Heard my kid running in the direction of my bedroom and preemptively yelled “don’t come in here, I’m not dressed!” to which he replied “don’t worry, mommy, nobody wants to see your naked body anyway!” & then my husband laughed & now they both need your prayers to survive this day
Just a reminder that the more fun it looks like someone’s having on social media, the less fun they actually had irl
Anybody else unable to recall what they had for breakfast but have a song attached to every single memorable thing that's ever happened in their life that instantly transports them back to that exact place and time within seconds?
Did you have a nice Sunday or were you my husband attempting to pry me away from “rescuing” these clearance fruit trees outside of the grocery store?
Had 2 drinks last night and woke up to a reminder email that I apparently added a top of the line washer & dryer to my cart and never completed my purchase Welcome to adulthood
As a parent my greatest hope is that my child will one day fight for my honor with the same vigor he uses to defend all the obnoxious YouTubers he’s obsessed with
By the time I actually get used to getting my period every month I’ll be hitting menopause 
Some days you win, and some days you drop an entire brand new giant container of Greek yogurt on the kitchen floor and it explodes everywhere and your dog alligator rolls around in it 
We’re not fucking with April Fools, right? We’ve been through enough and I am FAR too fragile
I miss the days when I could threaten to call the Easter Bunny to report my child’s behavior when my kid wouldn’t question the concept of an animal using a cell phone
Parenting a tween is much easier if you just agree that Elton John and John Legend are the same person and move on
Social media is : posting a reminder to wear sunscreen and immediately being told voting is more important
Love how my kid’s allowed to walk around the house beatboxing and emitting every noise known to man, but when I do it he’s horrified
One day you just wake up and start saying shit like “I’m so jealous of the neighbor’s mulch situation”
Nothing like being forced to get glammed up and record a video to appease the royals while you’re suffering from cancer
Nothing like being forced to get glammed up and record a video to appease the royals while you’re suffering from cancer
Officially at an age where I’m not young enough or cute enough for people to offer to help when they see me struggling in a parking lot … I had a nice run though
Me: I’m gonna accomplish so much today 💪🏻 Universe: looks like it’s time to reset all your passwords
There are people who have their shit together and then there’s me who just realized I’ve been walking around with my husband’s used Breathe Right strip stuck to my back all day
Dadman Walking @dadmann_walking
56K Followers 1K Following introvert. Husband. Dad of 3. bourbon fund: Venmo- Shane83 My links! https://t.co/X1R5q5AVST seen in @Buzzfeed @Menshumor @HuffPostParents @cheezbur
Jessie @mommajessiec
77K Followers 6K Following *awkward silence* Mom to four, wife to one. Like I am to most things, I came here late too.
Real Life Mommy @reallifemommy3
33K Followers 3K Following Twitter is cheaper than therapy. Tweets are mine 👀@huffpost @TODAY_Parents @buzzfeed @babycenter @chicagotribune @boredpanda @thepoke @thechive ...
Simon Holland @simoncholland
171K Followers 1K Following My wife bought low sodium bacon and now I know what it means when someone says they love you but aren’t IN LOVE with you.
I Hide From My Kids @IHideFromMyKids
20K Followers 1K Following freelance writer | content creator | someone once told me I was funny, for a mom | featured on BuzzFeed, Today Parents, HuffPost & more | Read my tweets👇
mom mom mom mom mom @notmythirdrodeo
27K Followers 3K Following https://t.co/lKTwNPcAGY @momsoverhere on IG. Mommin’ the best I can with low standards. Featured in @HuffPost, @Buzzfeed, @Today_Parents and more.
One Awkward Mom @oneawkwardmom
14K Followers 943 Following wife || mom of three || perpetually late || relatively unsociable || my tweets ➡️ https://t.co/zTOnobXohj
Twinstant Family | Li.. @twinstantfamily
4K Followers 1K Following Twitter is just like real life. I talk about my kids and our life only to find out I’m just talking to myself. 100% mom, wife, mess. #IVF #ASD
@itssherifield @itssherifield
13K Followers 1K Following Musician mama of 3 treading water and taking names Formerly @Lmemeit IG and TikTok: @itssherifield https://t.co/PEkz5e5DfK
Kevin The Dad @kevinthedad
15K Followers 973 Following Husband. Dad. Co-creator of 2 cool kids. I write fun stories about the shenanigans I experience as a parent!
Henpecked Hal @HenpeckedHal
136K Followers 2K Following Welcome to parenthood. Yes, it's possible to have the worst day of your life before 6:00 AM. https://t.co/jv3VQ5CW4O
NicholasG @Dad_At_Law
23K Followers 4K Following Father of girls, Husband of wife, Coach of kids. Protagonist for the People in court, yet to win an argument at home. *ᵗʷᵉᵉᵗˢ ᵃʳᵉ ⁿᵒᵗ ˡᵉᵍᵃˡ ᵒᵖⁱⁿⁱᵒⁿˢ*
Sarcastic Mommy @sarcasticmommy4
116K Followers 6K Following I put my symptoms into WebMD & it turns out I just have kids. https://t.co/m6TcvYNqfm
redyellowgreendance �.. @RYGdance
4K Followers 838 Following Mom to two hilariously quotable boys. Link to my tweets: https://t.co/fEivqY0S59
sixfootcandy @sixfootcandy
50K Followers 7K Following Loves animals more than most people. https://t.co/bTlLzDrFl4
McDad @mcdadstuff
9K Followers 2K Following I like dad jokes and I cannot lie. https://t.co/bbtLUiYKKg Find more of my tweets here ⬇️
Rodney Lacroix @RodLacroix
43K Followers 6K Following Disappointing people since 1968. | EVERYTHING: https://t.co/JN2RmmKWfK | Latest Tweets: https://t.co/BuhDfbbFkq | Top Tweets: https://t.co/3B9KMSYvlv
nice things I say to .. @meantomyself
28K Followers 8K Following Hopeful idiot | your big suburban | Log Lady | X's hottest mom™️ | tired founder. Not funny or young enough to write tweets for Clorox. avi @popartcartoonz
Anna @AnnaDoesntWant2
4K Followers 3K Following I say things ✨NYC mom✨writer @mcsweeneys @slackjawhumor @huffpost @the_belladonnas @scarymommy @littleoldlady__ @ummuddy @havencomedy @frazzledhumor
Heidy López @heidy_lope37678
43 Followers 1K Following Dios es todo lo que queremos en la vida confía en Dios confía en el proceso Gerente de cuentas con experiencia en todos los campos financieros📈📊🇲🇽💰
Jillian Worswick @JWorswick212
47 Followers 319 Following Dog Mom. Team @GainsightHQ. @nworswick sidekick.
IPTV 4k service @IptvS63298
145 Followers 836 Following Want Unlimited Entertainment 🪄? Let Us get you going with the world of #IPTV Contact Us 24/7 At https://t.co/y3FiH0FO5l #UK #football #Uk #SCOvFRA #bcafc #IPTV
Aliyu Modassir @modassir37494
42 Followers 135 Following
Disheveled Mom @wittysnuggles
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Blessing on Blessing .. @Lashanna2947111
5 Followers 121 Following 24hr Five star Childcare Monday-Saturday I have programs for parents they do not qualify for title XX. (614)360-6560
Sylvester oron @OronSylvester
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M @MayflyLMT
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Debbie Lewisddt @dimedaytrippin
72 Followers 203 Following mom, wife, daughter, sister, small town girl, immigrant, animal lover, baker, educator,sometime risk taker,and loyal to a fault 🇨🇦 🇺🇸
FelixTheFearless @NoFearFelix
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Anthony Rinaldi @anthonyrinaldi
758 Followers 4K Following Just documenting life here on X. RT != endorsement & my views != employeer. Use my referral link: https://t.co/9GyJa3i4fR 🙂
Mama Needs a Nap by L.. @MamaNeedsa_Nap
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johnny dapp @musk40230
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eric amerine @amerine1000
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yeahwhatever @altyeahright1
702 Followers 2K Following wait/what “Every word is like an unnecessary stain on silence and nothingness.” -Samuel Beckett
Canadian KC Chiefs Fa.. @jlamantia555
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Naveed Mudassar @MudassarNaveef
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Captain Katz @CaptainK51106
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sai sreemanth @saigaru
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JTopp12 @JoelTopping1
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Kevin Craig 🌻 @comosooner
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Mama Kixen @roosles
608 Followers 538 Following Rose Doherty. Fennec + Sand cat = Kixen. @The_Joshiah is my husband! Mother of kittens & Nugget. INFJ. She/Her. Insert more coffee to continue.
MullingAround @bmmmullins
3 Followers 204 Following
Juliana Odehnal @JulianaOde98291
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Craig Zajac @craigzajac
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Michelle Steinberg, M.. @msteinauthor
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Purelitto @purelitto
234 Followers 626 Following 🌿 Safe and effective organic baby skincare solutions made with love 💕. Nourish your little one's delicate skin with our natural ingredients 🌱
Heidiholo @heidiloho
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Katie Clark @katieclark
3K Followers 2K Following Creative Director at @Astra 🚀. Graphic designer, illustrator, professional patient, musician, mom. #NASAsocial for life. Opinions = my own. #kindnessalways
katrina lush 🏴.. @katrinalush1
198 Followers 227 Following middle aged, doting grandmother, typical Brit really
Ponytail N. Glasses @ponyglasses
317 Followers 176 Following Thoughts from my ponytail. Follow me on Instagram @ponyglasses
Duk Stafford @DukStafford
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💜Laniegurl💜 @Momma2maxh
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Jay @jasonrosewell
3K Followers 919 Following Husband/dad/private pilot (CNK4)/PA-28 owner. Digital Marketing at @infiniteflight. Ally. He/Him 🇨🇦
Barbara Moore @barbwire999
203 Followers 125 Following I am a damsel (not in distress) refusing to act my age. Old enough to know better, too young to resist. Cherokee & Mohawk blood.
Candice @cdccharlton
171 Followers 916 Following
Dadman Walking @dadmann_walking
56K Followers 1K Following introvert. Husband. Dad of 3. bourbon fund: Venmo- Shane83 My links! https://t.co/X1R5q5AVST seen in @Buzzfeed @Menshumor @HuffPostParents @cheezbur
Jessie @mommajessiec
77K Followers 6K Following *awkward silence* Mom to four, wife to one. Like I am to most things, I came here late too.
Real Life Mommy @reallifemommy3
33K Followers 3K Following Twitter is cheaper than therapy. Tweets are mine 👀@huffpost @TODAY_Parents @buzzfeed @babycenter @chicagotribune @boredpanda @thepoke @thechive ...
Simon Holland @simoncholland
171K Followers 1K Following My wife bought low sodium bacon and now I know what it means when someone says they love you but aren’t IN LOVE with you.
I Hide From My Kids @IHideFromMyKids
20K Followers 1K Following freelance writer | content creator | someone once told me I was funny, for a mom | featured on BuzzFeed, Today Parents, HuffPost & more | Read my tweets👇
mom mom mom mom mom @notmythirdrodeo
27K Followers 3K Following https://t.co/lKTwNPcAGY @momsoverhere on IG. Mommin’ the best I can with low standards. Featured in @HuffPost, @Buzzfeed, @Today_Parents and more.
The Dad @thedad
142K Followers 589 Following Welcome to the club. 🔥 https://t.co/E3irT7D7mM 🏆 https://t.co/EFPhC0SEeE 🎮 @thedadgaming
One Awkward Mom @oneawkwardmom
14K Followers 943 Following wife || mom of three || perpetually late || relatively unsociable || my tweets ➡️ https://t.co/zTOnobXohj
Twinstant Family | Li.. @twinstantfamily
4K Followers 1K Following Twitter is just like real life. I talk about my kids and our life only to find out I’m just talking to myself. 100% mom, wife, mess. #IVF #ASD
Adam @adamgreattweet
63K Followers 3K Following Resident physician as seen on Buzzfeed and TV, RTd by Barack Obama. He/Him
@itssherifield @itssherifield
13K Followers 1K Following Musician mama of 3 treading water and taking names Formerly @Lmemeit IG and TikTok: @itssherifield https://t.co/PEkz5e5DfK
Marcy G @BunAndLeggings
51K Followers 2K Following parenthood is like a box of chocolates... it's expensive
Kevin The Dad @kevinthedad
15K Followers 973 Following Husband. Dad. Co-creator of 2 cool kids. I write fun stories about the shenanigans I experience as a parent!
Henpecked Hal @HenpeckedHal
136K Followers 2K Following Welcome to parenthood. Yes, it's possible to have the worst day of your life before 6:00 AM. https://t.co/jv3VQ5CW4O
NicholasG @Dad_At_Law
23K Followers 4K Following Father of girls, Husband of wife, Coach of kids. Protagonist for the People in court, yet to win an argument at home. *ᵗʷᵉᵉᵗˢ ᵃʳᵉ ⁿᵒᵗ ˡᵉᵍᵃˡ ᵒᵖⁱⁿⁱᵒⁿˢ*
Sarcastic Mommy @sarcasticmommy4
116K Followers 6K Following I put my symptoms into WebMD & it turns out I just have kids. https://t.co/m6TcvYNqfm
redyellowgreendance �.. @RYGdance
4K Followers 838 Following Mom to two hilariously quotable boys. Link to my tweets: https://t.co/fEivqY0S59
sixfootcandy @sixfootcandy
50K Followers 7K Following Loves animals more than most people. https://t.co/bTlLzDrFl4
McDad @mcdadstuff
9K Followers 2K Following I like dad jokes and I cannot lie. https://t.co/bbtLUiYKKg Find more of my tweets here ⬇️
Rodney Lacroix @RodLacroix
43K Followers 6K Following Disappointing people since 1968. | EVERYTHING: https://t.co/JN2RmmKWfK | Latest Tweets: https://t.co/BuhDfbbFkq | Top Tweets: https://t.co/3B9KMSYvlv
Disheveled Mom @wittysnuggles
5K Followers 6K Following Not my real name. 40s toddler mom. Unapologetically blunt relationship therapist. Featured on @MSNBC @CNN @FoxNews @SternShow @NYPost
The Lyric Theatre @Lyric_Theatre
480 Followers 37 Following Originally built as a silent movie house in 1925, The Lyric Theatre, located in Historic Downtown Stuart, is listed on the Natn'l Register of Historical Places
Thewannabeadventuremo.. @beadventuremom
173 Followers 530 Following Honest, realistic and fun parenting adventure truths ⛰️🌵All I need is a proper adventure hat 🤠
PopCulturePros 🎙�.. @PopCulture_Pros
2K Followers 662 Following Come hang out as we talk all things Pop Culture! Sports, movies, tv, music, video games, & more! Tweets by @SteveFaracePCP #PCP #PCPUniverse
OMG Parenting @OParenting
7K Followers 6K Following wisdom and skills for the woman inside the mom, trauma informed. Author, M.Ed, RN, Mom, likes swayin' to music, books, squealy kids n you
Tío David Kelvin/ 00.. @Baconfest6D6
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KURU Footwear @KURUFootwear
10K Followers 408 Following Footwear to help you Heel Better™ since 2008. Heel the Difference™ with the world's first heel-hugging footwear technology.
Elon Musk @elonmusk
181.3M Followers 579 Following
Ashley @WorkingMomNotes
246 Followers 480 Following ATC🔁PA-C🔁Mom x 3 | Advocate for the modern working mother through: Validation & Support | Current Events | Comedy
Licensed to Dad @LicensedtoDad
505 Followers 319 Following husband | dad of 4 | xennial | allergic to cats
Brian Quinn @BQQuinn
998K Followers 757 Following The Impractical Jokers DRIVE DRIVE DRIVE DRIVE DRIVE Tour is on sale now. Come see us live!
Joe Gatto @Joe_Gatto
1.1M Followers 539 Following Live to make people laugh. Proud dad to kids & dogs. @gatto_pups Be kind. My podcast @twocoolmomspod Link to Tour tickets, cameos, YouTube, TikToks & IG
Murr @jamessmurray
992K Followers 2K Following Hey it's Murr! Impractical Jokers on truTV every Thursday night! See me on tour - tix here: https://t.co/jHoGhMG5Vf
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1.1M Followers 1K Following For tour dates & tickets, podcasts & merch, click the link below...
The Mom, M.Ed. 💃 @TheMomMEd
1K Followers 1K Following Mom. Writer. Chronic Pain Warrior. Animal lover. Baker, at times. I have extremely dry wit, and I’m not sorry about it. ***I do not DM.***
Ashley 👩👧.. @AshleyRosetta95
2K Followers 3K Following 28. Small town USA. Healthcare worker turned Landscaper. Tiny person’s snack bitch. Anxiety ridden. Mom to 2, soon to be 3.
Jake Holland @pizzabeardparty
13K Followers 757 Following human-cartoon dad & husband • raised by Ewoks • 🍕🎉 900k+ on TikTok / 100k+ on IG • [email protected]
The Mom at Law® @TheMomAtLaw
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Dawn Fishman @DawnJL
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Domestic Goddess @DomesticGoddss
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I Might Be Funny @imightbefunny1
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Josh Weller (OFFICIAL.. @joshweller
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WPBF 25 News @WPBF25News
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mouthymomma @mjwoodsmj
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Roni Sterin, Realtor�.. @RONISREALTOR
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Kids in the Hall @KITHOnline
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Motherly @MotherlyMedia
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Bre @fullofmomsense
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Dad Named Matt 🇺�.. @mahnamematt
6K Followers 1K Following Dad. Husband. Veteran. Coffee. Baseball. Memphis. Best ⬇️ - latest ➡️ https://t.co/XR0u1DqtCw
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1K Followers 902 Following A collaborative website written by local moms for local moms. We're passionate about all things mom related and connecting women in Columbus.
Ghostface Kryllah @kryzazzy
25K Followers 5K Following 𝕌𝕟𝕒𝕡𝕠𝕝𝕠𝕘𝕖𝕥𝕚𝕔𝕒𝕝𝕝𝕪 𝔻𝕠𝕡𝕖 ℝ𝕒𝕔𝕔𝕠𝕠𝕟𝕥𝕖𝕦𝕣 𝕊𝕒𝕦𝕤𝕒𝕘𝕖 𝔼𝕘𝕘 𝕄𝕔𝕄𝕦𝕗𝕗𝕚𝕟 𝔼𝕟𝕥𝕙𝕦𝕤𝕚𝕒𝕤t
The Kids Are Not On F.. @KidsArentOnFire
2K Followers 569 Following Parenting. Autism. Humor. Small wins. Don't come at me with your essential oils. My tweets: https://t.co/edVPSK1FZw
Sarcasm and Wine @sarcasm_wine
10 Followers 49 Following
kindminds_smarthearts @kindminds_
2K Followers 483 Following Gentle parenting | Realities of Parenting | ADHD | Funny stuff | You can find my original tweets here⬇️
Scarlett Longstreet @ScarlettPosner
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themomessence @themomessence
3K Followers 2K Following Welcome to this moms brain 🧠Occasionally I’m funny. Doing my best to normalize the struggles ❤️
Just paid rent 💪 But I want Chinese food 😭 Adulting sucks
It’s almost 9pm and its taking everything in me NOT to go buy a cake for no good reason for me, myself and I. (THIS is the part about adulting nobody talks about)
Adulting is really - saving up for one thing, getting it, and immediately saving up again for the next thing to get. No breaks. 😶
I can’t stress enough how helpful it is to be able to talk about mental health struggles with friends. ❤️
@PolitlcsUK How sad that this extremely personal struggle has to be explained to the general public. Wishing her and her family well. God bless
@itsdeenalang In twenty years or so you may be old enough for them to help out
My little 🍊. #Cuse #Syracuse #MarchMadness
Sometimes I wish sitcoms were real life, who wouldn't want an applause break everytime they walk through a door?
me: Alexa can be used as a great learning tool. my 9yo son: Alexa, make fart noises!
I bought another pair of jeans purposely so I have two pairs to wear instead of just the ones I’m always in. I now only wear the second pair.
Stages of marriage: 1. Get married 2. WHY ARE YOU BREATHING SO LOUD 3. Get divorced
Insta is down, guess it’s time to hang here while we wait…
Is it depression when showering seems like too much?
Getting quotes for new windows. First quote– $80,000. I will burn the house down before I will pay that. Second quote 50k. Still terrible. Third quote, $26,000. WHY does everything have to be this hard?? Now it’s got me wondering if the low quote is way too cheap.
Celebrating President's Day by not doing anything I promised I would
One minute you’re young and carefree, and the next you’re the person who says, “Did you fall in?” when someone’s in the bathroom too long.
Babies don’t deserve pockets on their clothes, what are they using them for? It’s not like they have loose change or a pack of cigarettes to carry around
I do not trust the comedic sensibilities of anyone who doesn’t recognize that Tina Fey is a genius
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