Jarrett Grode @jarrettgrode
Ðå Å£T Ç☺ÐË MαŠ┬Ê® amazon.com/dp/B00CLH1D4W Los Angeles Joined March 2009-
Tweets2K
-
Followers2K
-
Following794
-
Likes10K
Getting asked to show restraint at the Costco sample station as I eat far more than my one allotted lens cleaning wipe
Going to the Asian supermarket, by which I mean Costco
I didn't learn how to correctly pronounce "imbroglio" or "rapprochement" until I was five
MORMON PICK-UP LINES Did it hurt? When you fell from your own private planet in outer space? Someone call Outer Space Private Planet Mission Control, there's an ANGEL missing! Nice shoes. Wanna get married?
The Los Angeles marathon runs from Dodger Stadium to Century City because that's actually faster than driving
In Pulp Fiction, if Brett had said he was having In-N-Out for breakfast Jules would have been like "hey man I get it, it's the only time they're not crazily busy"
If you eat at Gracias Madre do not order the vegan ceviche it is a cup of lime juice
"Move Your Feet" by Junior Senior has the fascinating quality of being a worldwide smash by a one-hit wonder that is the worst song on the album. I cannot think of another instance of this
Why aren't people named Cotton and Increase Mather anymore
I like how salt and vinegar chips taste like they don't want you to eat them
My worldview can be summed up in two quotes: "Nothing tastes as good as being skinny feels" by Kate Moss, and "The surest way to corrupt a man is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who affirm his beliefs rather than those who challenge them" which is also by Kate Moss
When I see a group of young Orthodox Jewish guys strolling down La Brea in their matching black and white suits it looks like the Reservoir Dogs if they were diamond dealers instead of diamond stealers
It drives me nuts how Jons will stock the same product in two different aisles. It's like they need to separate the coconut milks from countries that are currently at war with each other
Some people might think it's distasteful when religions pay for Super Bowl advertisements but I think it's beautiful Because that money goes to Jews
Kinda chintzy bringing Costco Brie to the party so l have a clever little trick
This is a total long shot...but is there any chance someone has four extra Super Bowl tickets they'd be willing to give me? I already have four but I need an additional four
I sincerely consider Super Bowl Sunday to be a second 4th of July, with the day California legalized weed being the first 4th of July and the 4th of July being the third 4th of July
The Super Bowl is so much better than the World Cup because not only is it annual, but America makes it to the finals every year
If I ever find out you have me muted on here I will come to your house and tie you to a chair and force you to listen as I read every single tweet you have ever missed, starting with this one
I'm at Costco to do my Super Bowl shopping. I asked an employee where I can find crackers. He said, look around you pal, that's everyone in here who's not Asian so it was like me and three other people
Paul F. Tompkins @PFTompkins
1.2M Followers 3K Following TV & standup & improv & podcasts, hardly any movies Instagram: https://t.co/OWAlzVWjle
Sean O’Connor @seanoconnz
45K Followers 3K Following Comedian. Writer. Mets fan. SOLAR OPPOSITES (Hulu), CLOSE ENOUGH, Norm MacDonald Live and other shows.
Noah Garfinkel @NoahGarfinkel
46K Followers 1K Following Writer -- Single Parents, President Show, New Girl, Kroll Show, Workaholics. On Bluesky with the same handle.
Kevin Seccia @kevinseccia
22K Followers 1K Following Loud, Writer, Idiot. Half-Asian Sensation, Disagree’n Korean.
Tim Kalpakis @TimKalpakis
34K Followers 1K Following Tv writer from @TheBirthdayBoys Between Two Ferns @ComedyBangBang ILYA w/ Sarah Silverman & Digman & in the band @TheSloppyBoys
Andy Kindler @AndyKindler
135K Followers 7K Following A Comedium. Mort on #BobsBurgers Podcast: @thought_spiral with @JElvisWeinstein https://t.co/DLxHtjMc5n #FOT he/him
Allie Goertz @AllieGoertz
59K Followers 873 Following Making a Nine Inch Nails cover album. #NINPeeledBack.
Raj Desai @_rajdesai
5K Followers 2K Following Writer/Stand-up. I’m here to social network! https://t.co/LOUst0RmfV
DaveHolmes.bsky.socia.. @DaveHolmes
85K Followers 4K Following Editor-at-Large, Esquire. Author, Party of One. Co-host, Homophilia. Host, Troubled Waters. WAITING FOR IMPACT available NOW!
Matt Braunger @Braunger
83K Followers 5K Following There He Is, Folks tour on now Columbus April 12 Dayton, KY April 13 Portland, Maine April 26 Tix at https://t.co/UBPhzRjSOT
Ivie Jadoo @IviJad
45 Followers 5K Following
Teagan @Teagan1743866
5 Followers 626 Following
nana_frey230 @frey23076991
1 Followers 743 Following
pran_avkr1 @PAvkr193305
24 Followers 1K Following
Amarah Malmanger @MalmangAmar
60 Followers 5K Following
_Zenobia @Zenobia829517
4 Followers 702 Following
Shari Scarbro @ScarbroSha54415
68 Followers 5K Following
Pict_owPamela @PictO35724
1 Followers 864 Following
Tiara_FL_ @FlTiara13682
28 Followers 1K Following
Susan Bran @SusanBran486554
34 Followers 5K Following
Morpheus @Morpheus358
319 Followers 845 Following
Aoife Steedley @AoifeSteed22816
71 Followers 5K Following
Raina Dunkerson @DunkersonR68183
70 Followers 5K Following
Scarlett-rose Sonka @RoseSonka93960
64 Followers 5K Following
jdot_5898 @J589850636
30 Followers 1K Following
Adeena Seppanen @AdeenaSepp48446
80 Followers 5K Following
Elle Sebastien @ElleSebasti
31 Followers 5K Following
Marget Landeros @mar_lande
88 Followers 5K Following
Ethelene Tonne @EtheleneT14745
57 Followers 5K Following
Raisa Southard @RaisaSouth19760
26 Followers 5K Following
Caroline Stahoski @stahoski1403
88 Followers 5K Following
Evelina Sivley @EvelSivl
34 Followers 5K Following
Rachael Butt @racha_butt
28 Followers 5K Following
Caryl Jacquot @CarylJacqu71605
67 Followers 5K Following
Nel Beckler @BecklBeckler
48 Followers 5K Following
Danyel Simien @simi_dany
54 Followers 5K Following
Elvera Lino @li_elve
78 Followers 5K Following
Aisha Favilla @aish_favi
70 Followers 5K Following
Simonne Batteiger @batteiger76858
35 Followers 5K Following
Alesia Keilty @AlesiaKeil71303
84 Followers 5K Following
Jeannie Moler @jeanni_mo
44 Followers 5K Following
Millie-rose Kattner @KattnerRos98246
35 Followers 5K Following
Lila Miravalle @li_miraval
27 Followers 5K Following
Siena Whitesinger @SienaWhite98814
23 Followers 5K Following
Abby Dalzell @AbbyDalzel
48 Followers 5K Following
Mark Fernandez @YourPalFern
31 Followers 54 Following
Anais Credo @AnaisCredo59501
41 Followers 5K Following
Maximina Oliff @OlMaximi
48 Followers 5K Following
Karen Stoeckel @kare_stoec
22 Followers 5K Following
Mimi Getman @MimGetma
35 Followers 5K Following
bryce @brycegoodtry
11 Followers 584 Following
GerriHeiss @GerriHeiss67554
47 Followers 2K Following
Paul F. Tompkins @PFTompkins
1.2M Followers 3K Following TV & standup & improv & podcasts, hardly any movies Instagram: https://t.co/OWAlzVWjle
Sean O’Connor @seanoconnz
45K Followers 3K Following Comedian. Writer. Mets fan. SOLAR OPPOSITES (Hulu), CLOSE ENOUGH, Norm MacDonald Live and other shows.
Noah Garfinkel @NoahGarfinkel
46K Followers 1K Following Writer -- Single Parents, President Show, New Girl, Kroll Show, Workaholics. On Bluesky with the same handle.
Martha Kelly @MarthaKelly3
27K Followers 2K Following Alvin & the Chipmunks fan account. #BlackLivesMatter Instagram: @mkellyatx
Todd Barry @toddbarry
300K Followers 1K Following YouTube: DOMESTIC SHORTHAIR Netflix: SPICY HONEY Prime: THE CROWD WORK TOUR Book: THANK YOU FOR COMING TO HATTIESBURG https://t.co/AgBudWd5Ff & @ToddBarryPdcast
Scott Aukerman @ScottAukerman
266K Followers 181 Following Host of @ComedyBangBang. co-host of R U Talkin’ R.E.M. RE: ME & @threedomusa. Co-creator/Director of Between Two Ferns. Co-founded @earwolf.
DC Pierson @DCpierson
57K Followers 6K Following Wrote the novels THE BOY WHO COULDN'T SLEEP AND NEVER HAD TO and CRAP KINGDOM. Was in DERRICK. https://t.co/RSs3cRMrDr [email protected] he/him
Kevin Seccia @kevinseccia
22K Followers 1K Following Loud, Writer, Idiot. Half-Asian Sensation, Disagree’n Korean.
andy™ @andylevy
194K Followers 979 Following co-host of the daily beast podcast “the new abnormal.” "one of the former greats" - paul f tompkins
George Wallace @MrGeorgeWallace
865K Followers 4K Following The Official George Wallace Twitter. Trying to serve it up with hot sauce for you. God bless.
Josh Gondelman @joshgondelman
200K Followers 4K Following Year round iced coffee drinker. Stand-up special "People Pleaser" out now. Previously: Last Week Tonight, Mrs. Maisel, Head Writer/EP Desus & Mero.
Tim Kalpakis @TimKalpakis
34K Followers 1K Following Tv writer from @TheBirthdayBoys Between Two Ferns @ComedyBangBang ILYA w/ Sarah Silverman & Digman & in the band @TheSloppyBoys
Andy Kindler @AndyKindler
135K Followers 7K Following A Comedium. Mort on #BobsBurgers Podcast: @thought_spiral with @JElvisWeinstein https://t.co/DLxHtjMc5n #FOT he/him
Allie Goertz @AllieGoertz
59K Followers 873 Following Making a Nine Inch Nails cover album. #NINPeeledBack.
idrawrobots @idrawrobots
762 Followers 328 Following Drawer of Robots. Maker of comics. Walking Robot / Dogtown / Alien Life
Ephraim Stone @TEStoneWrites
4K Followers 743 Following I read about dead people, teach about Judaism, and write about magic. Rep. by @HandspunLit 🏳️🌈✡️
Taylor Swift @taylorswift13
95.4M Followers 0 Following All’s fair in love and poetry... New album THE TORTURED POETS DEPARTMENT. Out now 🤍
buildabear34 @Wood3447
5K Followers 2K Following
brady @bradiscus
1K Followers 1K Following Go Devils - Hail State - okay piano player - FUTURE LAWYER - personal account
Hail Jason! @jshawhan
1K Followers 2K Following Media prophet. Film critic. Cohost of @JJLpodcast . Catsitter. Very Gay. DJ (https://t.co/iAHxgygd8b). (He/Him). Black lives matter. http://jshawhan.bsky.soc
Beth McColl @imbethmccoll
130K Followers 1K Following writer at writing. podcaster @ Everything Is Content. my first book How To Come Alive Again is out now. writing enquiries: [email protected] she/her
Kristi Yamaguccimane @TheWapplehouse
136K Followers 3K Following •America’s Stepdad•@jortscenterpod•alt @wapplehouse•
Mike Beauvais @MikeBeauvais
8K Followers 793 Following Creator of Quibi. Let's not drag my employer into this.
Marnie Shure @marnieshure
2K Followers 2K Following I am the subject of the sentence. What the predicate says, I do. Have worked @TheTakeout @TheAVClub @TheOnion @Infatuation. [email protected]
Cranky Federalist @CrankyFed
14K Followers 542 Following Historian. Writer. Anglican. Applied Twitter Theorist. Occasionally prone to bouts of meme-ing. Banner by @grethaie
community notes viola.. @cnviolations
858K Followers 6 Following not affiliated with @x or @communitynotes | DM Submissions
Patrick Fisackerly @fisackerly
1K Followers 2K Following Skimbleshanks, Jeanne Dielman, Florence Pugh
This Cinematic Life @Cinematic_Life
1K Followers 2K Following Cinephile parents raising the next generation of movie lovers! Join us for reviews, editorials, countdowns, gift guides, film inspired fashion/lifestyle pieces
John Trumbull @TrumbullComic
2K Followers 4K Following Writer for @AtomicJunkShop & the Eisner Award-winning BACK ISSUE. Cohost of the @SNLNerdsShow podcast. #MunchWeek Creator. Cartoonist & Stand-Up Comic in NJ.
It’s Carrie Griffin.. @spiffogriffo
634 Followers 975 Following Smooth like Barry, voice got bass, body like DeVito with a Deschanel face. she/her
The Real Matt Cappiel.. @TheNightCapp
327 Followers 818 Following Enjoy your delicious moments https://t.co/lGuczzdynL https://t.co/6heOxrDBUq https://t.co/nBsqw6ntQu… https://t.co/FTEDILYpF4
Erik Stone @erikstone11
216 Followers 471 Following digital executive, producer, fan and occasional maker of cool things. sports, music, building implosions...these are a few of my favorite things.
Tom Becker @thattombecker
81 Followers 126 Following actor, writer and producer @toolatethemovie https://t.co/rkm81VGF0t https://t.co/VXIS7P8d6C
The Fat Jewish (Blue .. @FATJEW
218K Followers 420 Following My mom fucked Shel Silverstein in 1971 (really) PRONOUNS: WE/THEM/BOYS
[email protected] @sachee
28K Followers 1K Following powerful + dangerous. queen of #graphql. schema + error modeling. prev tech lead/staff software eng @twitter, prev @medium. bksy: [email protected]
Protein Bangs @yuckybangs
5K Followers 823 Following I'D RATHER DIE YOUNG streaming everywhere now 🌄
meetka @meetka
9K Followers 410 Following
Wall Street Silver @WallStreetSilv
1.3M Followers 663 Following Finance, economics, news, memes and silver. Contact Ivan via Linktree ...
Cheesemeister →🧵.. @Cheesemeister3k
14K Followers 4K Following Playing video games in Japan. Threads: @cheesemeister3k B|uesky: https://t.co/dtVgXaq0qH
Will Shead @DrWillShead
707 Followers 2K Following Associate Professor of Psychology @MSVU_Halifax, gambling researcher and clinician, Habs fan, miniature dachshund enthusiast https://t.co/GGdWwtS3jS
furby hancock @furby_hancock
11K Followers 454 Following there's probably a lot of upsides to suffering that we just haven't thought of yet
Andrew Johnstone, MD @pallbro
10K Followers 1K Following just an emergency and palliative doc and his fluffy idiot dog. and his cat. he/him/his🌈
willy 🌜💧 @willystaley
27K Followers 1K Following Welcome to my WordPress blog! I’m 38 and live in NYC. This is where I post my trivial musings, jokes and links. Comments section is open — but play nice! :^)
Brendan Clifford @BrendanPlease
1K Followers 2K Following Pulitzer and Tony nominated tweeter. Delicious writer/actor/muffin. Not quite known for TV's Nightcap (Hulu), Turnt, After Lately, Mash, Soap. 🌈
*tear rolling down my cheek* ACAB includes Godzilla
Godzilla was recently appointed as the chief of a Tokyo police station for one day.
DEI has gotten so bad at Boeing, putting lives at risk. Every crash, as investigators look for the cause, they end up discovering the same thing: a black box.
@jarrettgrode I would like that! Especially "Increase." I recently learned that I have a great great great great great great grandmother named "Thankful White." I thought it sounded like one of those Salem Trials type names, from the 1680s.
@charlescwcooke How is someone able to get a job at The New York Times and not know they would adore the $19 dollar sandwich answer and despise the "hate chicken" answer?
Ok then, what’s one of the best. This is still one of my faves.
Is Taylor Swift a real artist? Are video games art? Is The Last Jedi misunderstood? Is a jump from 3 stories enough to kill me
this is what taylor swift driveway looks like
4 sneezes in a row is clout chasing. Get it together.
We can imagine how this highly sensitive individual reacts to assaults on actual persons as in war. Assume he can barely draw breath reacting to the war in Gaza in proportion to the comic assault on an inanimate puppet. Such empathy!
Wil Wheaton Rages at Larry David for Elmo Attack: "Appalling, Unforgivable, Despicable" hollywoodreporter.com/news/general-n…
I think I know which football game I’M watching this weekend. 😏
fuk this shit man bottom of my timb fell off in the snow
cigarettes for dogs next question
What is your most unique or rare political view?
Me: Hey Mom can I go to a 50 cent concert? Mom: Here's a dollar take your sister too
Niggas tired E
it's january, 2020. the chiefs and 49ers are playing in the super bowl. it's an election year, trump vs biden. a remake of final fantasy 7 comes out soon it's january, 2024. the chiefs and 49ers are playing in the super bowl. it's an election year, trump vs biden. a remake of fi
Taylor has a chance to do the funniest thing ever... (kneeling for the Anthem at the Superbowl)
A snap from Team Snapchat
Valentines Day approaching!!! What y’all getting???👀
it’s funny that there’s a white football player on a midwestern team with an offensive name dating a blonde haired blue eyed country singer and republicans HATE them
Trends for United States
You might like
