Losing it @prophethusband
i do not have opinions Sverige Joined February 2017-
Tweets11K
-
Followers41K
-
Following846
-
Likes38K
My wife has a bathroom attached to her tiny office and I went in there and took a giant shit while she was on a call yesterday when I came out she said "why are you like this"
choose your words carefully, 6 of the 10 most ruthless CEOs in america are sitting around this hookah
Practicing for trip to Hamburg
White linen suit and single shot of espresso booting up CS2
Unfortunately I will not be able to attend your webinar on profit metrics. I have a heart pumping red hot blood in my chest. I have poetry in my soul.
Always wear your dress beanie when asking for a raise
If I was a hometown sports announcer i would be saying shit like "these are evil people, these are not good human beings"
Hey, just letting you know I made you my emergency contact...because I know how happy you'd be if I got into a fucking emergency...
You lose 100% of your gains if you deviate from your workout schedule even once
Bringing three bottle of diet sprite and two packs of cigarettes into the dressing room to test drive the front pouch of the hoodie I’m interested in
If you work in tech I think you’re allowed to say things like this but if it doesn’t come true within 3 years you go in the oubliette
If you work in tech I think you’re allowed to say things like this but if it doesn’t come true within 3 years you go in the oubliette
If I could go back in time I would buy jesus. com and sell it to Christianity for the most money I can imagine, which is $2500
Sending my mom a picture of an ultra sound for april fools and then turning off my phone for 87hours
I got fucking slopppyyyy last night lmfao. It's embarrassing man i'm not drinking again ever (Me at 4am the night before, speaking my best friend of 9 years): Bro.. it's giving friendship
Interviewer: so what was it like behind the scenes? Tom (lighting a cigarette): Jerry was a complicated person, man. He saw further than the rest of us
People really think they can just put on a cloak and start receiving visions Lmao
If you think sobriety is boring then you haven’t experienced the raw unadulterated thrill of getting a weekends worth of errands done before 10 in the morning on Saturday
The Zone of Interest was confusing to me. People walk out of frame and it’s like, ok, first of all, where did they go? Secondly — and I guess this is sort of a related question — where are they? Are they somewhere?
(Waking up from a coma after touching a live wire) A great war is coming
Don Hughes @getfiscal
81K Followers 2K Following Economist • Autodidact • Podcast @youcantwinpod • Mentions set to mutuals only (sorry, email me if necessary).
jake @jakebrodes
38K Followers 1K Following lord I dont have to do a goddamn thing but sit around and wait to die. @drunkuncleatx. the other guy from @pendejotime
rock and roll photos @yesitsmyaccount
35K Followers 978 Following writer for @yesitsmyaccount/drums for Ames Harding & The Mirage
warrior cop @wyatt_privilege
55K Followers 930 Following
Daggerlad @Daggerlad2
36K Followers 953 Following Stories to tell your grandchildren. @lilmeaties factory worker
27 jackie burgers @theickgiver
62 Followers 187 Following i like shows that take place on islands • they/them
Evangeline @Evangel54232441
4 Followers 232 Following
bas @SebastianEscut3
1 Followers 585 Following
mato @mothgazer
178 Followers 4K Following 🦟🦂🪲🐞🦗🐜🐌🐝🦟🐛🪲🕷️🦗🪱🪰🪳 awkwardness happening to someone you love 🪲🐛🐞🕷️🦂🐌🪰🐝🦟🦗🐜🪳🪱🦋🪲🐞
Harper Applebee @Harper_at_Heart
388 Followers 2K Following 🏳️🌈 💜 🏳️🌈 #LGBTQ+ Out & proud abboudit! 🦄 Do you dream about me as frequently as I dream of you?😈 Wherever did I think I was? ; )
Hendegrious Bichael, .. @she__they
210 Followers 508 Following Hen, skelton wizard and friend | Oft Henthefren elsewhere | Watcher of the Perpetual Stew | Perfidious caster of spells innumerable | She(They) 🏳️⚧️🐀
Simon @simonintheroom
88 Followers 463 Following Men are props on the stage of life, and no matter how tender, how exquisite... A lie will remain a lie.
Larry Bird @LarryBirdFlu82
17 Followers 75 Following
kudzi @kudzisurfs
230 Followers 2K Following RN. Tweets on behalf of myself only. Here for LC info and cute/silly pets.
andrea @andreah8su
53 Followers 512 Following
Juan Carlos González @Amateur_Lurker
48 Followers 204 Following .... qué tiene este sitio con las biografías??? No todo el mundo es una superestrella
pavlo @LaughterHaver
41K Followers 995 Following Hello! my name is pavlo . I am a Centralist and I love to FUCKING!
Yung Weightwatcher @YWeightwatcher
41 Followers 129 Following
Polio Escobady @DisposableP327
2 Followers 55 Following
Dennis @shitpostgod123
309 Followers 3K Following my politics be like my dick, leans hard to the left.
matt @boxesmyb
29 Followers 207 Following
_somerled_ @__somerled__
0 Followers 14 Following
Julian Aron @Julian47793321
49 Followers 383 Following Anthropology PhD candidate. Studying and writing about welfare, care and Judaism in Germany/Europe. CUNY Grad Center. Tweets in English and Deutsch.
j @AlhanoofA19
1 Followers 4K Following
allie @alli_hil
65 Followers 55 Following one time i bought an aquatic plant at petco and there turned out to be a tiny snail on it. life is beautiful like that sometimes
Ben @benhallion
67 Followers 129 Following
DoubleDungus @DoubleDungus
0 Followers 352 Following
YuriGurka @yuri_gurka
103 Followers 1K Following
powerful enemy @wileycaress
16 Followers 219 Following the tradition of all dead generations weighs like a nightmare on the brains of the living. not me though.
Bryan Shearer @bshear2
55 Followers 1K Following
rneb @rnebbi
167 Followers 4K Following
. @R52672
22 Followers 64 Following
Patrick Bateman @MikeyntheBoys
2 Followers 21 Following Ain’t no flower child / Tennessee / Music Addict
Leevi Päivinen @LPaivinen
42 Followers 79 Following
Don Hughes @getfiscal
81K Followers 2K Following Economist • Autodidact • Podcast @youcantwinpod • Mentions set to mutuals only (sorry, email me if necessary).
jake @jakebrodes
38K Followers 1K Following lord I dont have to do a goddamn thing but sit around and wait to die. @drunkuncleatx. the other guy from @pendejotime
Sriram Ranganathan @RadishHarmers
54K Followers 516 Following Born Samuel Langhorne Clemens in rural Missouri. Adopted the pen name "Sriram Ranganathan" from riverboat slang.
rock and roll photos @yesitsmyaccount
35K Followers 978 Following writer for @yesitsmyaccount/drums for Ames Harding & The Mirage
warrior cop @wyatt_privilege
55K Followers 930 Following
andrew @intellegint
41K Followers 766 Following ICU nurse from Detroit in Denver. Art posts are my own. Listen to @e1podcast
Freddy @CannyExecutive
5K Followers 573 Following
Dopey The Dumbfuck @pete_irons87206
8K Followers 1K Following
The Journal Science @TheJournalSci
160 Followers 126 Following Magazine of literature, culture, arts, and leisure Humanity's Trusted Source
pavlo @LaughterHaver
41K Followers 995 Following Hello! my name is pavlo . I am a Centralist and I love to FUCKING!
Filipowski for prison @CokeSipper
3K Followers 713 Following
virgin teen.0 @versionteen
353 Followers 285 Following i am being persecuted for my political belief's
ben @as_someone_who
9K Followers 857 Following (this is my old previously banned account I’m locked out of the big one bc I don’t remember the email or password)
Hot Doggy @kornfan111
18 Followers 35 Following
Brendy @liquefied_mummy
917 Followers 415 Following https://t.co/VWMCEXj1w5 https://t.co/LpaVeyGwbd https://t.co/pgLApxd2UM
bobby @wildgrinch
2K Followers 201 Following i was using this account while i was locked out of @bobby but i'm back on there now
Nate Fisher @BozoMode
4K Followers 806 Following Don’t mind me I’m just an old shoe @closerlookpod ⬇️
very tall bart @TallBart
83K Followers 1K Following why is bart so tall? boyfriend: @cabinworm check out: @transpanicblog
Manny Pep @PekJorkins
2K Followers 714 Following almost died running a gimmick account for 6 days #packers #badgers #bucks #brewers
Active Shitter @faintpoopsmell
133 Followers 129 Following
This Band Isn't Real @ai_metal_bot
23K Followers 10 Following AI generated metal albums. Band names and album titles generated with gpt-2. Album covers generated with stable diffusion. Fuck nazis.
@premiles_ @premiles_
6K Followers 977 Following I took a walk through this #beautiful world. Felt the #cool #rain on my shoulders. @gulchpod
Cullen Crawford @HelloCullen
45K Followers 2K Following husband to nine father to a beautiful Christian marine son to a wife father (all that matters) marine to a beautiful son comedy writer but TO WHAT END?!
tyler @tyler02020202
121K Followers 1K Following
clay ⛷️ @hanfjob
45K Followers 2K Following one time i fell onto the subway tracks @whouppod email me for whatever [email protected]
Tribune @tribunemagazine
94K Followers 0 Following The magazine of the movement. Pitch us at [email protected] 📝
White Lizzo @screamcummer
669 Followers 239 Following Writer and Artist. Fighting obesity and depression.
Matt Ferrari (parody) @m4ttf3rr4ri
2K Followers 431 Following
🇭🇷zokilands mos.. @choirboifaced
605 Followers 692 Following My upper mid iq movie reviews: https://t.co/TQibzWleCN Not a nationalist. Love (french) comics. Zokilands most handsome straight twink
TTI @TikTokInvestors
281K Followers 995 Following We curate funny, interesting, and cringy finance / biz content. We are not affiliated with TikTok. Posts belong to respective owners. Voted #1 hedge fund.
alex ellenberg @Mauisnake
23K Followers 771 Following counter-strike broadcast talent // @LastFreeNation // aimhighmaui@gmail(dot)com // https://t.co/glqfc8Uv3Vevery picture of him looks like a suburban uncle doing a Confucius Say joke when his taiwanese waiter’s halfway out of earshot
Biden suggests uncle eaten by ‘cannibals’ in New Guinea — but military says his WWII plane lost at sea trib.al/yn9MiHH
your name is Ate A Lunch? who’s your sister, Hadda Breakfast? just kidding
I never saw anyone murdering people screaming “Christ is King”. Just saying.
really nice to hear louie and shane doan exchange stories good thing theres not a game going on or anything
Cary Grant: I’ve spent the last 5 years putting together this brontosaurus skeleton. It’s my life’s work. Time to add the final piece. [faintly from the other room] I’m Katherine Hepburn, and this is Jackass! [sound of high heels running down the hall]
this looks like a scene in a late 90s-early 00's point and click game called something like "Pharoahs Mystery"
Guillermo del Toro has an awesome house.
A society grows great when old men plant trees whose shade they may never sit in.
Don’t see very many people talking about the eclipse anymore.
just dm'd my favorite wing place and requested a new sauce. this is whats called getting involved in your community.
Not wanting children is fine. Stating publicly you dislike children is so uncouth. Cannot trust a person like that.
the only time i "turn the other cheek" is when im turning towards my security team to motion them to brutalize my disrespectors
Just found out warhammer is woke
i have a good feeling about the next quote tweet bait that comes along. no idea what it will be, but i just feel like i’m gonna have an absolute corker of a response. you know what they say, seven hundredth time’s the charm
I jacked off extensively in middle school. (Remembering I’m in a job interview) Voraciously, I mean
Nothingbros, hold the line
BREAKING: Iran has launched an attack against Israel using dozens of drones
I love doing this with my buddy 🥺
Trends for United States
You might like
