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Tweets2K
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Followers5K
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Following3K
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Likes30K
These days grandmothers listen to rap because they’re so cool. They also smoke moon rocks and blow your man while her dentures fizz off in a coffee cup.
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Grounding kids from devices that can use the internet and television is basically the same thing is not sending them to school these days.
My moms cat is gonna love this potato gun
Mariah Scary retweeted
The best part of waking up is ordering some stuff
Mariah Scary retweeted
The best detectives in the world are wives. There, I said it.
I’m biracial and let me be the first to confirm to my enemies that the black side of me will straight whoop your ass and the white side of me will just call cps
Mariah Scary retweeted
I guarantee you your soulmate isn’t that chicks husband.
Mariah Scary retweeted
(Losing a fanny pack full of loose mini eggs) My whole life was in there!
It’s so hard saying goodbye to the customer service rep I spoke with on the phone, but it’s hella easy saying goodbye to you.
Mariah Scary retweeted
My dentist is a gay man. Is it wrong that I call him the tooth fairy?
Please don’t buy me vegan shoes. Im not gonna eat them and the food pantry won’t accept them as a donation.
I don’t understand what’s going on with Kate Middleton? If it’s about her family photo, I always cut my face out of every family photograph I’m in. So what the big deal?
For some reason no one ever asks me out for a second date..
Mariah Scary retweeted
the wind blew the stockade fence over so i took a vicodin & sat back down
Mariah Scary retweeted
If only people fact checked politicians the way men fact check women.
Mariah Scary retweeted
It’s true that shared stress builds good bonds between humans but I draw the line at face-licking
Mariah Scary retweeted
“Megan talk about something other than sex on stage” fine. Here is a 5 minute bit about cocaine
I’m back. Please don’t thank me for the warning. I’ll be surely apologizing later anyway to mostly any or all of you
Böb Jänke: Hönkÿ @Bob_Janke
39K Followers 10K Following Chicago Member FDIC Views are my own because you're not brave enough I write this for fun https://t.co/heH4IlIEWZ I know who DB Cooper is.
Boyd's Backyard™ @TheBoydP
102K Followers 20K Following I’d rather be working on my yard. #envydastrength I retweet regular people. My tweets are here: https://t.co/zOIJ18SHBV
A Jen, Duh @hipchkk
15K Followers 852 Following “‘T ain't no sin to take off your skin, and dance around in your bones”
Shane @shanethevein
18K Followers 3K Following I don't care about politics, especially yours. Padres fan.
Tony P. @Tbone7219
43K Followers 19K Following
💙 His Trials and T.. @CamusOverEasy
20K Followers 16K Following I like Albert Camus and eggs over easy. What's the point of dying if nobody knows you're dead? I can't walk a mile in your shoes if you're wearing them. 凡人
C’est La Vie @Robert_Beau
57K Followers 50K Following Real Deal ~ Part Time Penis Model ~ Full Time Asshole
PieGuy @ilovepie84
30K Followers 6K Following My wife works two jobs so that I can chase my dream of being in a boy band. https://t.co/JhWCxIXYbK
Amish Super Model �.. @AmishSuperModel
57K Followers 18K Following Gracing the hottest runways from Paris to Lancaster! Also featured in Amish Vogue & Amish GQ https://t.co/izJtz2t0DD
Erica @SCbchbum
31K Followers 1K Following Got 86'd from Whole Foods for showering. My thighs rub together when I walk. https://t.co/Ot2RnUqoJh
CrankyPappy @CrankyPappy
191K Followers 174K Following We huddle together & tweet for courage in the dark • Those who know do not tweet. Those who tweet do not know. • Tweet less, feel better.
Trey @treydayway
41K Followers 6K Following *Something profound* - @treydayway https://t.co/c64nfwFO1X
Cat From Nowhere @kv8
17K Followers 10K Following omnipresent in absentia, perchance frittering my time away on twitter. ok fine, X. .•| sui juris |•.
Mikey from Canarsie. .. @mikeym00n
9K Followers 7K Following Humor,musician,mental health,kayaking, biking, Retired, owned by cats, jack-of-all-trades. ✡️🌈Kindness matters!
Ivsy @Ivsy01
40K Followers 9K Following drinking slurpees in front of 7-eleven with @The_Getawaygirl My thoughts in a box. my tweets 🤦♀️ https://t.co/0g8VMFzt2k
Michelle says "Dance .. @RageMichelle
41K Followers 41K Following I am the short, female, old, Samuel L Jackson of Twitter. Only not rich or famous. Also, I can't act. I'm just good at saying motherfucker.
Rodney Lacroix @RodLacroix
43K Followers 6K Following Disappointing people since 1968. | EVERYTHING: https://t.co/JN2RmmKWfK | Latest Tweets: https://t.co/BuhDfbbFkq | Top Tweets: https://t.co/3B9KMSYvlv
Danielle Sheldon @DanielleSh57280
3 Followers 16 Following Just here to see what all the fuss is about
Piece @Piecezilla
6K Followers 445 Following Giving away little pieces of myself every day, FOR FREE! #StocktonProud #letthemhunt 🐄
shushy ❄️🌻 @rachel2manypaws
5K Followers 5K Following Yeah the bleeding heart... crazy dog chick. A fistful of beauty with some weeds. @wrensongstudios
Hunter Momeni @HuntMomen
50 Followers 5K Following
Dorthy Determan @DetermDor
59 Followers 5K Following
Lilian Common @comm_lili
53 Followers 5K Following
Paul Ottis @ottis_ot
59 Followers 5K Following
Carlotta Morin @MorinCarlo70371
86 Followers 5K Following
Maliyah Stadelman @MaliyahSta40161
86 Followers 5K Following
discriminatingtaste @discriminating3
758 Followers 1K Following Alt account to unleash my inner perv. Dilettante erotic story writer. Older gent, 60 +, with “discriminating taste”. NSFW Minors GO AWAY! No one under 21
Billy Johnson @BillyJo25626309
1K Followers 3K Following I'm fun caring and a little crazy and a major movie lover
Peter Rangel @PeterRangel18
33 Followers 581 Following just got a new account on here. I'm 43, single, brother, uncle, comic book and movie fan, and live in Chicago
Brock Thickneck @Brock_Thickneck
0 Followers 136 Following
🦩Fiona Scout 🦩 @ScoutFiona
207 Followers 343 Following Snarky southern belle. Gifted napper. Loves boobs but, only on women. 🏝🏖 My Instagram is shameless, go follow me there: @hipsthatchic
Steven Allison @stevenallison33
8K Followers 8K Following Words: @theipaper | @Independent | @MetroUK | @BBC | @dailydot | @readersdigest | @POPSUGAR | @PasteMagazine | @thesun | @dailystar | @ThePlaylistNews
Wall-e @wale_bazee_247
1K Followers 1K Following
Karen L. Justice @KarenLJustice
35 Followers 437 Following
beatriz @beatrizpena682
25 Followers 170 Following cuando hay k hablar de dos es mejor empezar por uno mismo. Corazon aldreyer.
Lumpy Loads @Lumpy_Loads
402 Followers 5K Following
Melvin of York @MelvinofYork
18K Followers 4K Following sometimes I convince myself that the world is merely an elaborate video game and the player controlling me is a total noob
Sweet Momissa @sweetmomissa
44K Followers 10K Following Like the song only saltier. Started as a blogger now I’m here.
The Goin' Deep Show @thegds
241 Followers 995 Following Fighting for the Powers of Evil Because Good is Dumb. One of the first podcasts on the planet. Est. October 2, 2004
Susan “Sam” Abe @SusanAbe9
2K Followers 5K Following Curious.Bibliophile, ⚾ Indy pro GM. ED/🚁 RN.PROFANE.Despise hypocrites & racists.USAF Brat. ❤️🔥 ⚾ , dogs,📚, wit & smarts. BLM #RESIST! #UBI #WeAreTheEconomy
Mark Pignatelli @PignatelliMark
211 Followers 2K Following Always use your own name on Twitter, that’s what my mate @#boomtwat69 says. LIVE & LET LIVE
◇'E.S. Kurater' : �.. @__snap_shot__
46 Followers 5K Following #messageinabottle .Power Talkie pro vs @nookbn @achievementhunt *#. @alienwaretech @lifehacker @howstuffworks @jigsaw @amplitude @backpackermag
Lost.in.Life @shane6834
87 Followers 386 Following
Kim @Kim_pulsive
3K Followers 2K Following stay at home mom live tweeting my midlife crisis . . . currently preoccupied with terminal stage 4 breast cancer
Rich Swiss @richieswiss
456 Followers 1K Following
Dumb Beezie @dumbbeezie
44K Followers 23K Following This bio can't handle me I'm too many characters. Also fuck you
💀 Reapin' like it'.. @IreapCarefree
1K Followers 3K Following Film + Music 💃🏾@bluemsc.bsky.social RIP Charles, my angel dog 🐕 July 28, 2021 / bruja maestra 🧹
Working Class Wolf @_odlanyeR
1K Followers 450 Following If you're reading this, you are now an engineer with field experience. Because I'm a train wreck.
Kim @Bunnydurden
7K Followers 4K Following Is that a sushi roll in your pocket or are you just happy sashimi?
Mike Dick @Whe90307772Mike
6 Followers 64 Following
Yves @Yves72135296
66 Followers 4K Following Jaime bien i voir ce que ils ce passe aussi ces très special aussi pour moi ces geuse comme pour i lire aussi ce que I'll ce passe aussi j'adore toutes.❤️🙋♂️.
ForeskinJohn @ForeskinJohn1
0 Followers 8 Following
David Dorton jr @jr_dorton
41 Followers 332 Following
Larry Williams @LarryJWilliams
171 Followers 1K Following
Aadam Suleiman kooshi.. @Aadam0654427224
234 Followers 5K Following
Old Devil Dog @banks_krbje5
825 Followers 3K Following Just here for entertainment and laughs. I am a smart ass and perv.
Travis Galloway @Travis262784
2 Followers 12 Following
Craving @calluptome
15K Followers 5K Following wifey @JaymianaJones & I have seen it all used to travel now wants to hide ❤️horror films https://t.co/j1tRiOtekK
Böb Jänke: Hönkÿ @Bob_Janke
39K Followers 10K Following Chicago Member FDIC Views are my own because you're not brave enough I write this for fun https://t.co/heH4IlIEWZ I know who DB Cooper is.
Matt Oswalt @MattOswaltVA
353K Followers 1K Following I'm a triple threat; writer, photographer, arsonist
Wilde Thingy @wildethingy
31K Followers 2K Following I have nothing to declare except my top tweets - https://t.co/YApmhRImR4
Boyd's Backyard™ @TheBoydP
102K Followers 20K Following I’d rather be working on my yard. #envydastrength I retweet regular people. My tweets are here: https://t.co/zOIJ18SHBV
Simon Holland @simoncholland
171K Followers 1K Following My wife bought low sodium bacon and now I know what it means when someone says they love you but aren’t IN LOVE with you.
Chase Mitchell @ChaseMit
91K Followers 3K Following Writer for hire, formerly of @insidejob, @FallonTonight, and one time for an aftershow about sharks
Napcore Influencer @SortaBad
62K Followers 797 Following @sortaokaytbh if we are pals. Solana + Metis + Avax ecosystem maxi
A Jen, Duh @hipchkk
15K Followers 852 Following “‘T ain't no sin to take off your skin, and dance around in your bones”
Shane @shanethevein
18K Followers 3K Following I don't care about politics, especially yours. Padres fan.
Tony P. @Tbone7219
43K Followers 19K Following
💙 His Trials and T.. @CamusOverEasy
20K Followers 16K Following I like Albert Camus and eggs over easy. What's the point of dying if nobody knows you're dead? I can't walk a mile in your shoes if you're wearing them. 凡人
Benny 'Bluesky' Rolli.. @citizenkawala
21K Followers 8K Following Australian Jim Morrison | Real person | Dave's mate | 1053 https://t.co/PN73YRdrct
lauren ashley bishop @sbellelauren
53K Followers 2K Following comedy writer. comedy performer. mother of all dogs. AR native. my brain is @deeppawghts on IG tiktok: @sbellelauren
C’est La Vie @Robert_Beau
57K Followers 50K Following Real Deal ~ Part Time Penis Model ~ Full Time Asshole
Danielle Sheldon @DanielleSh57280
3 Followers 16 Following Just here to see what all the fuss is about
shushy ❄️🌻 @rachel2manypaws
5K Followers 5K Following Yeah the bleeding heart... crazy dog chick. A fistful of beauty with some weeds. @wrensongstudios
big honkin caboose @itsmegangraves
72K Followers 981 Following comic, writer, certified hottie ❤️🔥 my debut comedy special Don’t Sleep With Comedians is out now on YouTube 💖 🪩✨
Elon Musk @elonmusk
181.4M Followers 579 Following
fightgeek @fightgeek
11K Followers 9K Following i wander around outside and hangout with dogs mostly
i can be your long lo.. @PallaviGunalan
93K Followers 2K Following
Adam @adamgreattweet
63K Followers 3K Following Resident physician as seen on Buzzfeed and TV, RTd by Barack Obama. He/Him
Sharon Luft @sharonaluft
419 Followers 256 Following
Joe Biden @JoeBiden
38.1M Followers 46 Following Husband to @DrBiden, proud father and grandfather. Ready to finish the job for all Americans. Official account is @POTUS.
dylan gelula @DylanGelula
59K Followers 881 Following rhodes scholar studying how surgeons can use robotics for political evil
Wall-e @wale_bazee_247
1K Followers 1K Following
nicole boyce @nicolewboyce
11K Followers 949 Following lesbian but also gay as in stupid. cohost/writer @ Owned from @smartless @campsidemedia. other stuff @newyorker @nymag @comedycentral
Annie Hatfield @AnneHatfieldVO
48K Followers 6K Following Tall, pale, relentlessly cheerful. https://t.co/vhLLPJmuO2
Nameless Dread @Nameless_Dread
4 Followers 5 Following
kevin, as a robot @kevinasarobot
2K Followers 1K Following You should quit this site. Find me on bluesky and insta. Mixed reality artist: Theatermaker. Comedywrangler. Experience Director @ Agile Lens.
tate @50FirstTates
36K Followers 625 Following just body after body busting out of shit wood and hittin pavement
Marcy G @BunAndLeggings
51K Followers 2K Following parenthood is like a box of chocolates... it's expensive
Crockett Houghton @CrockettForReal
29K Followers 925 Following Your Princess is in another castle. ⤵️
Melvin of York @MelvinofYork
18K Followers 4K Following sometimes I convince myself that the world is merely an elaborate video game and the player controlling me is a total noob
Sweet Momissa @sweetmomissa
44K Followers 10K Following Like the song only saltier. Started as a blogger now I’m here.
WTFDAD @daddydoubts
35K Followers 3K Following Dad by day. Dad by night. OH MY GOD IS THAT ALL I AM NOW? Come on gang, let’s talk about the dumb shit our kids do... together. https://t.co/jtryMXX25A
Brooks Otterlake @i_zzzzzz
80K Followers 923 Following Send me your address so I can visit you and explain my passions
somechristweets @SomeChrisTweets
10K Followers 184 Following
Jack Boot @IamJackBoot
13K Followers 1K Following The New Yorker, Vanity Fair, The Atlantic, Harper's, Rolling Stone. I've read some of these magazines.
crystal @crystalsug
4K Followers 384 Following pay me to write for you I promise it’ll be marginally better than my tweets
the pan-midwesterner @panmidwest
13K Followers 494 Following rev kev | just trying to get the approval of strangers | @ajokeexplainer | top tweets: https://t.co/Mz4BN2kP6g
Danny @Mardigroan
12K Followers 2K Following My writing's been found on food shopping lists & mini golf scores https://t.co/hbAuQ4HW1p (Avi by @Trixtopherduke)
Shaun Majumder @shaunmajumder
93K Followers 3K Following Actor/writer/comedian/lover/fighter/believer/lover of classic rock
Dr. Tyler Lemco @tlemco
33K Followers 1K Following I host a talk show, a stand up show, and make art
KatieEllen Humphries @MsKatieEllen
4K Followers 1K Following Comedian. Writer. CBC’s “The Debaters”, The Lady Show, “Horny OFF MAIN” Podcast. New Album “Ladyfinger” available now. I'm mostly dimples.
Knot a Pretty Girl @knotaprettygirl
5K Followers 3K Following Trying to be a good Buddhist—all of my non-Buddhist thoughts go here.
Dumb Beezie @dumbbeezie
44K Followers 23K Following This bio can't handle me I'm too many characters. Also fuck you
Kim @Bunnydurden
7K Followers 4K Following Is that a sushi roll in your pocket or are you just happy sashimi?I've given up on working out to look good. I'm just working out to try and live another 5 to 10 business years
I don't think I've ever moseyed. I probably have though
The best detectives in the world are wives. There, I said it.
I’m one edible away from an arthritic one woman show on my OnlyFans called “Cirque du So Laid.” Naked link in bio
I guarantee you your soulmate isn’t that chicks husband.
(Losing a fanny pack full of loose mini eggs) My whole life was in there!
So we all just stopped believing in Lizard people, huh? Well, that doesn't make them go away folks.
My dentist is a gay man. Is it wrong that I call him the tooth fairy?
“I know sex work is okay for you now but what’s your plan for when you get older” thank you for asking! when I turn 50 my plan is to hunt you for sport
the wind blew the stockade fence over so i took a vicodin & sat back down
took this picture at the bowling alley because if I ever have to ask for divorce one day I want to be prepared
If only people fact checked politicians the way men fact check women.
It’s true that shared stress builds good bonds between humans but I draw the line at face-licking
“Megan talk about something other than sex on stage” fine. Here is a 5 minute bit about cocaine
Sometimes I get multiple kinds of cannabis at once and forget which one I’m smoking and I think we know where this is going.(we probably don’t)
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