SmirkyKev @smirkykev
My wife's husband. My daughter's father. favstar.fm/users/smirkykev Canada-ish Joined June 2011-
Tweets17K
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Following2K
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Likes27K
I agree. But the punching? Or the fish-hooking? Or the groin stomping? Oh, God..the groin stomping...
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SmirkyKev retweeted
I wonder if that football guy will be at the Taylor Swift game again today
SmirkyKev retweeted
*possum hospital Nurse: Get the crash cart?! Doctor: Give it a minute
SmirkyKev retweeted
Establish dominance at a restaurant by bringing your own menu.
SmirkyKev retweeted
I've realised, depressingly, that reasonable people will never run stuff. They lack the narcissism and self-aggrandisement needed to succeed today. Is it too early to drink?
SmirkyKev retweeted
Hoodies are just swaddling for adults
SmirkyKev retweeted
Nobody is a good judge of character. If you could see yourself through the eyes of your closest friend you wouldn’t recognize yourself.
SmirkyKev retweeted
Received an invitation to my 50th High School class reunion. When I saw they had reserved a block of hotel rooms, my first thought was "hookups?" until I came to my senses and decided they were for naps.
SmirkyKev retweeted
Be the horrifying lore of your family's lineage
SmirkyKev retweeted
I like listening to true crime podcasts while I clean my bathroom because I can pretend I'm destroying evidence.
SmirkyKev retweeted
(Watching porn) Oh, I hope they stay together.
SmirkyKev retweeted
husband: do you know where the thing is me: can I buy a noun
SmirkyKev retweeted
The days of good grammer has went
SmirkyKev retweeted
Sunrise was beautiful this morning. I know this firsthand because my dog is an asshole
SmirkyKev retweeted
Even at the age of 46, if someone asks me to "Guess what?", I still respond "chicken butt." And I always will.
SmirkyKev retweeted
“Pets: Life’s apology for every crummy day ever”–Anon “If my pet makes you uncomfortable, I’d be happy to lock you in the other room”–Anon "Be the person your dog thinks you are”–C.J. Frick X's top animal🐶🐱& human comedy videos picked fresh for you each morning at @hybender
SmirkyKev retweeted
Always pay attention to the details…
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I agree. But the punching? Or the fish-hooking? Or the groin stomping? Oh, God..the groin stomping...
I wonder if that football guy will be at the Taylor Swift game again today
*possum hospital Nurse: Get the crash cart?! Doctor: Give it a minute
Just changed my alarm sound to forest birds chirping. If this doesn't fix my whole life, I give up.
Establish dominance at a restaurant by bringing your own menu.
cyber bullying my dad to toughen him up for this new world
I've realised, depressingly, that reasonable people will never run stuff. They lack the narcissism and self-aggrandisement needed to succeed today. Is it too early to drink?
I limit my news intake now because life is just too short to carry all the vile bullshit of the goings on of the whole fucked up world.
Nobody is a good judge of character. If you could see yourself through the eyes of your closest friend you wouldn’t recognize yourself.
I think we're almost to the last level of twitter. When do we fight the big boss?
My dogs are quite firm in their belief that couch naps should be a group activity.
I was very strict about bedtime when my kids were little. Whether they liked it or not, I was asleep by 8:30.
Received an invitation to my 50th High School class reunion. When I saw they had reserved a block of hotel rooms, my first thought was "hookups?" until I came to my senses and decided they were for naps.
Welcome to Twitter, this is where Delusion meets Perception.
Mommy’s love 😍❤️😍🥰😭❤️
I like listening to true crime podcasts while I clean my bathroom because I can pretend I'm destroying evidence.
Thrifting is girl math at its finest because you would have bought it for $40, but you only paid $8 so it was basically free
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