Steve vs. Ninjas @stevevsninjas
Former zygote. Mastodon @[email protected] twitter.com/stevevsninjas/… Oregon, USA Joined February 2012-
Tweets33K
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Followers14K
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Following525
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Likes68K
Stephen King: can u pitch my story to yr producer friend? Sean Connery: yesh King: don't fuck this up, it's called the sawsank redempsion
[Funeral] Me: "Do you mind if I say a word?" Widow: "Please do" Me *clears throat: "Plethora!" Widow: "Thank you. That means a lot."
*takes bite of Pringle* yes *nods at date then waiter* we'll have the tube
dune 2? yeah I'm into dune 2: dune 2 others as you would have them dune 2 you
Found something new to say when I leave a room.
They built a huge, ugly thought-control tower right next to my house but actually I love it so much
Save money this Valentine's Day by being unlovable
Her: So, what is your major? Him: I study forensics. Her: Dude, that's just 10!
This has to be the hardest, most futuristic exit of a Cybertruck owner anyone has ever seen thus far 🔥
Arriving at my funeral, you are woefully unprepared for the sight of my embalmed corpse doing full Van Damme splits between two coffins.
1.Rage Against The Machine 2.Hold A Grudge Against The Machine 3.Get Over The Machine 4.Sincerely Hope The Machine Finds Happiness
I'll never salute you, you son of a bitch
Eating my way out of the ball pit
i took a british guy home and when i woke up all my artifacts were gone
Wife: have you seen the dog bowl? Me: no, is he any good?
Jeff Bezos can't sleep until he puts his pajamazon
me folding laundry: ugh another sock is missing puppet on my hand: how does that keep happening
jingle bell. jingle bell. jingle bell. rock. - looking for shells on the north pole beach
Do your kids think Santa is scary? In Wales, this undead horse invades your home unless you defeat it in a rap battle, and I can't stop thinking about it.
Last isthmus I gave you my chart the very next day you sank to your grave This year a ghost ship appears you turned into something spectral
jon drake @DrakeGatsby
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FRO VO @fro_vo
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Andrew Nadeau @TheAndrewNadeau
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octopus/caveman @octopuscaveman
32K Followers 3K Following cool ranch icarus, painter of LoveBots, king of diarrhea jokes
Viktor Winetrout @Cpin42
26K Followers 651 Following Creator of @Sorrowscopes & @WeirdCelebTwets https://t.co/fJ5BJjLtIb
fredesque @FredTaming
27K Followers 891 Following black & trans lives matter | stop asian hate | 🏳️🌈 🏳️⚧️ friendly | he/him | fka taming fr*d s*vage |
Adrenalin @adrenalindenver
26K Followers 817 Following Local pop punk band in Denver. DM for booking info! Guitar/vocals: @Woody_B_ Bass: @dave_cactus Drums: Ripcord Lead Guitar: Duncan
Todd 'Papi' Carlos @TheToddWilliams
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Böb Jänke: Hönkÿ @Bob_Janke
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jo @whatsJo
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Roxi Horror 💀🌸 @roxiqt
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phil @PhilJamesson
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KS Way @way_ks59489
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You Already Know (͡�.. @KroNiccNemesis
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Mduduzi Michael @michael_md82430
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Dirty South Soldier @morelockeddoors
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Michael Thaler @michaelhthaler
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Greg Scurria @gts1303
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Vicious Jr. @Vicious_Junior
238 Followers 348 Following A wise man once said: To play for Barcelona, means to have opportunity for a brilliant career. But to reach the very top of it you have to play for Real Madrid.
psicanálise de algor.. @acaua_faria
286 Followers 994 Following MBA em Piadas pelo Instituto Ary Toledo de humor, PhD em Assuntos Aleatórios pela Wikipedia University.
Matt Epley @EpleyTraining
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Lauren Shepherd @lauren_shep17
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Cameron Ernst @cam_ernst
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Gonzo Strangelove ➐ @GonzoStrangeluv
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Sean Batty @seanothanbatty
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Joe Wilkins @wilkins63
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Weep Screed @WeepScreed
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Wusoun @wusoun27273
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Old Greybeard 🇬�.. @GreybeardTheOld
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Nik @Mountainslinger
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Bruce Johnson @brucerjohnson
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Dr. Choccy Milk & Chi.. @atmphresh
969 Followers 1K Following Fuck the New World Order. Viva La Resistance! 🏴☠ #America 🇺🇸 $Link #gang
Kevin @Ka1955aR
565 Followers 526 Following 68 years young. Vertical and breathing. What you read is what you get.
Steve @falsesteve1
51 Followers 59 Following
✌︎ frederik ✌�.. @froessell
1K Followers 1K Following Senior Creative - Elevating Your Product by Crafting Visuals That Sell
𝑪𝒉𝒂𝒓𝒍�.. @CharlyBaltimore
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Dick Fox @calzonewilly
65 Followers 192 Following
jon drake @DrakeGatsby
112K Followers 2K Following they must have amnesia, they forgot that im him. 1/2 of @blastzonepod. senior brand strategist for @trymetafy
FRO VO @fro_vo
42K Followers 1K Following 🦋 @frovo.bsky.social - - TOP TWEETS: https://t.co/NZPHrTUDjC -- Recent Tweets: https://t.co/4WK3dR41F1 -- STORE: https://t.co/YaxNssq5DC
Andrew Nadeau @TheAndrewNadeau
89K Followers 1K Following Comedian, Writer, Founder of Persona Essential Social Media Management, writer of @GrimAndGraham
octopus/caveman @octopuscaveman
32K Followers 3K Following cool ranch icarus, painter of LoveBots, king of diarrhea jokes
Viktor Winetrout @Cpin42
26K Followers 651 Following Creator of @Sorrowscopes & @WeirdCelebTwets https://t.co/fJ5BJjLtIb
mike ginn @shutupmikeginn
210K Followers 1K Following
fredesque @FredTaming
27K Followers 891 Following black & trans lives matter | stop asian hate | 🏳️🌈 🏳️⚧️ friendly | he/him | fka taming fr*d s*vage |
Adrenalin @adrenalindenver
26K Followers 817 Following Local pop punk band in Denver. DM for booking info! Guitar/vocals: @Woody_B_ Bass: @dave_cactus Drums: Ripcord Lead Guitar: Duncan
Todd 'Papi' Carlos @TheToddWilliams
26K Followers 783 Following Engineer I'm also on BlueSky. Same name.
Böb Jänke: Hönkÿ @Bob_Janke
39K Followers 10K Following Chicago Member FDIC Views are my own because you're not brave enough I write this for fun https://t.co/heH4IlIEWZ I know who DB Cooper is.
jo @whatsJo
48K Followers 962 Following b-side. I eat popsicles for breakfast. Trial ft error. 🤖rights. crusha bit, lil bit✨
Roxi Horror 💀🌸 @roxiqt
65K Followers 1K Following Extremely online internet gremlin & comedy content creator 🥄💜 @roxiqt on Bluesky & TikTok 🦝 https://t.co/JbrOVGHJgp ✨
dan mentos @DanMentos
88K Followers 653 Following
Bond, James Bonding @JamesBondingPOD
10K Followers 31 Following A podcast for lovers. Of James Bond. Brought to you by Matts: @MattMira and @MattGourley. https://t.co/NMOGHeadJT
Luke Venechuk @lukevenechuk
101 Followers 111 Following I’m not here to post my THOUGHTS. I’m not here to share IDEAS. I’m here to post PICTURES OF MUSHROOMS and BE AN IDIOT
Used Robot Salesman @used_robots
1K Followers 1K Following Are you tired of paying full price for robots?
Silly Saturday Tweet .. @SillySaturday
589 Followers 389 Following We'll be bringing the SILLY SATURDAY CONTEST to you EVERY OTHER SATURDAY. Save up your silly for us.
DC Pierson @DCpierson
57K Followers 6K Following Wrote the novels THE BOY WHO COULDN'T SLEEP AND NEVER HAD TO and CRAP KINGDOM. Was in DERRICK. https://t.co/RSs3cRMrDr [email protected] he/him
Sydney Battle @SydneyBattle
76K Followers 675 Following writer/actor/ghoul • mgmt: 3arts • venmo: sydney-battle
Bob Vulfov @bobvulfov
67K Followers 760 Following i was gonna be a great athlete but then mcdonald's came out with the dollar menu
cella @cellapaz
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Hiding In The Attic @HidingNDAttic
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stoned cold fox @roastmalone_
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CJ @BrassBallsCJ
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Midge @mxmclain
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dirk on the couch @onthemauve
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ghost mom @mxradtoria
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Jason Pargin, author .. @JasonKPargin
59K Followers 1K Following Author of John Dies at the End & the Zoey Ashe series. Former Editor at https://t.co/rPxhhz6fP4, now: https://t.co/rHIoNS0xCv
Science girl @gunsnrosesgirl3
2.2M Followers 6K Following science in context, art history and some puzzles to solve
Toby @tobestewart
2K Followers 530 Following If my tweets look familiar it's because of the alphabet https://t.co/2EQmSWJ9Q4 https://t.co/WMj4oQzMFD
@[email protected].. @JonBaker
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Ms. Havisham @MissHavisham
10K Followers 9K Following Imperfection at its finest. https://t.co/7u0QZDHPQm
wint @dril
1.8M Followers 424 Following My posts help mentally ill peoples brains. I want to do good. I Want to bring value to this platform. That is my Quest. My Dream
Supreme Being @TheSupremeBeing
13 Followers 16 Following I rule the universe, through all my various forms. It get's pretty tiring, I'm telling you.
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Shannon @theevilwriter
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Richard Cheese®🍸#.. @RichardCheese
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Royotathon 🚘 @Royotathon
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Uncle Jeff 🌈 @PickleRudd
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78K Followers 7K Following Q ⚔️ energy. coffee cups and thoughts https://t.co/V349QaXUGV
you reject the red & blue pills that morpheus offers you & instead ingest the secret green pill which sends you directly to a 1970s tv commercial for samsonite luggage where you get slapped around by a gorilla for a couple of decades until you turn into a blob of human putty
Dear Elon: Twitter. Twitter, Twitter. Twitter, Twitter, Twitter. Twitter, Twitter, Twitter, Twitter. And so on. Fuck your need to put your personal brand on everything.
I hate getting work calls on my day off, with the exception of calls from our head custodian reporting signs of paranormal activity in the basement of our building. Motion activated lights going on inside locked closets again. Ghosts, let this be a warning: you WILL be busted.
This took me a second.. 🤯
It's payday!! Time to splurge! Time to indulge! Time to blow it all on *checks notes* an Adequate Amount Of Groceries
me enjoying the AI generated films of my life based solely on what I told it: haha wow! I WAS well liked and had many girlfriends and sex in my youth my robot butler Reginald preparing a single bullet to put me down like old yeller: yes sir, very popular sir
STRANGER: *steps out of time machine* i come from the fewtch ME: the fewtch? STRANGER: yeah we call it the fewtch now
“I am simply too smart to be scammed into doing something harmful to myself” I type into the app I open 20 times a day despite it only bringing me rage and depression for 7 years.
CLASSMATE: *whispering* do you have a girlfriend ME: *under desk* yeah but you don’t know her she goes to a different active mass shooting
*takes bite of Pringle* yes *nods at date then waiter* we'll have the tube
dune 2? yeah I'm into dune 2: dune 2 others as you would have them dune 2 you
I'm kind of upset that my wife has regifted the "limitless backrubs" coupon I gave her for Valentine's Day to my father-in-law.
i’m now officially a wife guy
I assure you Dr adventure character Heave Ho that you are in the same reality as your inability to escape, daydreaming is futile. I further assure you that astral projection is nothing like hoisting an anchor, nicknames be damned. However, I like your pull. It has me unravelling.
love sitting at my desk in a calm working environment while my central nervous system thinks i’m being hunted for sport
Found something new to say when I leave a room.
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