Juan Upsman @thejuanupsman
My name isn't Juan and I don't work for UPS. Hopkins, MN Joined September 2009-
Tweets14K
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Followers3K
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Following4K
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Likes65K
the universe shows me who people really are and I'm like "no they're not" and the universe be like "ok, let me show you again dummy"
@AVenezuelan19 That's actually not bad since I pronounce "X" as "Twi-tter"
Other people’s happiness makes some people very fucking angry.
If you don’t listen to a little Creedence on your road trip, you’re doing it wrong
The last place I wanna go is where everyone knows my name
I don’t believe in karma. Too many bad things happen to good people. And good things happen to so many that don’t deserve it.
"At least tomorrow is Friday" - Me on Wednesday about to have a bad Thursday
My wife just accused me of not listening to whatever the fuck she was just talking about.
My 2024 goal is just to make sure the aliens know I'm on their side
People that don't know the difference between lose and loose are the real enemies.
I am officially regressing. Today I did something I haven’t done since I was in probably first grade. Put my boots on the wrong feet and walked around for 15 minutes wondering why my feet hurt.
Schrödingers Sarcasm: where I am either mocking you or being totally serious, depending on whether or not you have a fucking sense of humour.
@ask_aubry So hang on, women have to be virgins, or low 'body count', attractive, but not so attractive that other men will notice, but not unattractive because just no... I'm beginning to think that these incels just don't want to be with women at all
@ask_aubry My most useful meme:
@ask_aubry Speak for yourself. I’d love to just speak with a Nobel prize winner.
I love the sound you make when you stop talking.
Jen @Peatches66
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90K Followers 75K Following Vandy BA. Georgetown MBA. Business Owner. Harley Rider. Woke. Libtard AF. Potty Mouth. 🚫MAGAts.🚫DM. FAFO! BLM. Ally🌈 🏳️⚧️ Venmo:@ Andi-REBigBlueWaveUSA® 🇺.. @BigBlueWaveUSA
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246K Followers 35 Following ♡21 years old • DDD's♡ nicest girl you'll ever meet 💕 only replying to messages here ➡️ https://t.co/bmv3fsyeWQNever forget when Adam Banks was on a fast break, cheered for himself from the bench, and then proceeded to score the goal. The kid could really do it all.
People who take tweets seriously here need go to therapy.
I don't need a sugr daddy, I need a brisket daddy. Who's single with a smoker?
I’m 41 (42 on 4/23). Single. Fulfilled. BOLD LIB. Child-free. Trendsetter. Wildly successful. Do you find this attractive?
@JeezyJelly2023 Lol same Such good products with cheap prices
I wonder how many love songs were actually written about sandwiches I bet it's a lot
the universe shows me who people really are and I'm like "no they're not" and the universe be like "ok, let me show you again dummy"
@Lilblack_heart If we rob the banks first we can get better milkshakes no? 🧋
@PwrFulWmn I'd be flattered and blown away. Never happened to me before.
Well, another day of waiting for something extraordinarily good to happen and going to bed now disappointed that it didn’t happen. No worries. I’ll try again tomorrow 💕
@C4N0NF0DD3R @AVenezuelan19 Imagine having white privilege AND still losing in life
@AVenezuelan19 That's actually not bad since I pronounce "X" as "Twi-tter"