Harry: Sir, why do you hate house-elves? You hit Dobby many times!
Dumbledore: Dobby was always trying to steal from me!
Harry: Really?
Dumbledore: OKAY, THOSE LITTLE SHITS ALWAYS CAUSE WIZARDS, ESPECIALLY ME, TROUBLE! A BUNCH OF FUCKERS ONCE CALLED THE IRS ON ME!
Harry: Sir, we're in Britain. We have HMRC. There's no way the IRS can tax us.
Dumbledore: HARRY, FOR GOD'S SAKE! THOSE IRS BASTARDS ARE THE BOSSES OF ALL TAX RULES! THEY CAN DO WHATEVER THEY WANT! THEY TAX WIZARDS TOO! AND YOU THINK HMRC IS INDEPENDENT?! IT'S JUST ONE OF THEIR BRANCHES!
Harry: ...Sir, that's not how international taxation works.
Dumbledore: TEN MILLION POINTS TO GRYFFINDOR FOR YOUR EXCELLENT QUESTION!
Harry: Thank you, sir. But what about other house-elves? Surely you don't hate all of them?
Dumbledore: OH, YOU WILL, HARRY! YOU WILL! THE DAY WILL COME WHEN YOU UNDERSTAND THE TRUE HORRORS OF HOUSE-ELF ADMINISTRATION!
Harry: What does that even mean?!
Dumbledore: YOU'LL FIND OUT WHEN YOU'RE OLDER! EXPERIENCE IS THE GREATEST TEACHER!
Harry: Sir, I'm genuinely concerned about your mental health.
Dumbledore: ONE HUNDRED BILLION POINTS TO GRYFFINDOR! AND FUCK DOBBY! I'M GOING TO LIMBO TO HIT THAT LITTLE SHIT WITH A HAMMER!
Harry: SIR, YOU CAN'T JUST HIT PEOPLE WITH A HAMMER IN THE AFTERLIFE!
Dumbledore: WATCH ME, POTTER! I'M THE HEADMASTER! I MAKE THE RULES!
Harry: YOU'RE DEAD!
Dumbledore: THEN WHO'S GOING TO STOP ME?!
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