Lisabug @Lisabug74
Welcome to Lisa World! | Love food | Enjoy puns | Cake addict | Cat Mom |DMs are closed, but replies are welcomed. twitter.com/search?q=from:… San Francisco, CA Joined March 2011-
Tweets189K
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Followers20K
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Following9K
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Likes195K
Lisabug retweeted
Hello 911? Someone used a fork in my creamy peanut butter.
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Lisabug retweeted
They say if a cranky baby won't sleep, take a nice long car ride... *hands cab driver $200, goes back to bed*
Lisabug retweeted
Tips for improving concentration: -Make a list of tasks. -Take on one task at a time. -Take On Me was a fun song. -Ooh I found the video.
Lisabug retweeted
As the enemy's navy arrives, seemingly out of nowhere, Private Kowalski races to warn his commander.
Lisabug retweeted
Me: Are Medusa’s pubes snakes too? Accountant: I meant questions about your tax return.
Lisabug retweeted
Nothing like watching a mama bird regurgitate into her baby’s mouth to put things into perspective.
Lisabug retweeted
i’m no financial expert, but it looks to me like they’re organizing a hedge fund
Lisabug retweeted
Is "my dog misses me" a valid reason to take a leave of absence from work?
Lisabug retweeted
maybe birdwatching isn’t for him
Lisabug retweeted
I don't need a nap, I need a casual coma at this point
Lisabug retweeted
AC changed "life is good" to "life is hood." Now I want to listen to hip-hop and make my car do that bounce thing.
Lisabug retweeted
A coworker's new baby is named Floyd so I'm assuming they accidentally brought a bassett hound home from the hospital
Lisabug retweeted
Tom Cruise’s car from 𝘋𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘰𝘧 𝘛𝘩𝘶𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳
Lisabug retweeted
“Thanks, man. Where was I? Oh yeah, so it was December, and I just wanted to get out of the cold. I knocked on some random guy's door. I’m tellin’ ya, dude was out of his friggin' mind! He kept asking me a bunch of super weird questions and whining about some chick named Lenore."
Lisabug retweeted
(Satan addressing new arrival) So you invented product stickers that can't be removed?? Well done my boy, well done! Also, I have the perfect ironic punishment for you
Lisabug retweeted
The good thing about having a husband who never listens is being able to say “I already told you that.” Whether you did or not, he’ll never know the difference.
Lisabug retweeted
I'm now rating my tweets based on their degree of Annieness. How Annie is this tweet? I give it a 4/10.
Lisabug retweeted
[collecting sweat] lol your secrete is safe with me
Lisabug retweeted
when you really need your toddler to stop asking questions for just two goddamn minutes
Lisabug retweeted
if i text you "🤩" it means i have a starfish over each eye
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@JohnLyonTweets @Lisabug74 There’s an Unpugged! His voice is perfect!
@Lisabug74 Nah, he'd get pissed because the boxed lunch contained graham crackers instead of fig newtons and that would be the end of the "Managing Anger Through Tolerance" symposium.
They say if a cranky baby won't sleep, take a nice long car ride... *hands cab driver $200, goes back to bed*
Tips for improving concentration: -Make a list of tasks. -Take on one task at a time. -Take On Me was a fun song. -Ooh I found the video.
As the enemy's navy arrives, seemingly out of nowhere, Private Kowalski races to warn his commander.
Me: Are Medusa’s pubes snakes too? Accountant: I meant questions about your tax return.
Nothing like watching a mama bird regurgitate into her baby’s mouth to put things into perspective.
i’m no financial expert, but it looks to me like they’re organizing a hedge fund
Is "my dog misses me" a valid reason to take a leave of absence from work?
maybe birdwatching isn’t for him
I don't need a nap, I need a casual coma at this point
AC changed "life is good" to "life is hood." Now I want to listen to hip-hop and make my car do that bounce thing.
A coworker's new baby is named Floyd so I'm assuming they accidentally brought a bassett hound home from the hospital
Tom Cruise’s car from 𝘋𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘰𝘧 𝘛𝘩𝘶𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳
The good thing about having a husband who never listens is being able to say “I already told you that.” Whether you did or not, he’ll never know the difference.
“Thanks, man. Where was I? Oh yeah, so it was December, and I just wanted to get out of the cold. I knocked on some random guy's door. I’m tellin’ ya, dude was out of his friggin' mind! He kept asking me a bunch of super weird questions and whining about some chick named Lenore."
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