DemonDastardly @mydmac
Memento mori https://t.co/ERqfdHBvyC twitter.com/search?q=from:… Blue planet Joined October 2009-
Tweets95K
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Followers68K
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Following2K
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Likes548K
DemonDastardly retweeted
It’s wonderful when the idea of a person matches the real thing.
DemonDastardly retweeted
It was a different time
DemonDastardly retweeted
DemonDastardly retweeted
While the intelligence may be artificial, the bullshit is all too authentic.
If you get caught spying on your neighbors tell them you’re an amateur sleuth. It won’t stop them calling the cops but it will confuse them long enough for you to run.
DemonDastardly retweeted
Save money on a gym, choose the crazy chick.
DemonDastardly retweeted
Goodnight, moon. “Goodnight angry little blue planet baffled into pusillanimity by the scale of its problems.” (mumbles under breath) Crater-face.
DemonDastardly retweeted
If "Barbie" was realistic, director Greta Gerwig's older brother would rip Barbie's head off at some point in the movie.
DemonDastardly retweeted
employer: your resume says you were once the principal dancer in the Spandau Ballet? me: this much is true
DemonDastardly retweeted
I’m trying to look on the bright side but it really needs a stronger bulb..
DemonDastardly retweeted
Survey says squirrels prefer toasted nuts.
DemonDastardly retweeted
I would rather be an original soul than an attention seeking one.
DemonDastardly retweeted
Interviewer: On your resume under skills you wrote "I'm a very good boy...?" Dog: Yes, and I have references.
DemonDastardly retweeted
Sometimes you just need to part your hair on the other side and see where the day takes you
DemonDastardly retweeted
While removing a cat hair from my phone screen I accidentally closed three windows, downloaded two apps, made an unwanted Amazon purchase, and texted my boss a Chuck Norris meme.
DemonDastardly retweeted
My suicide note will just read, “had the hiccups for longer than 7 minutes.”
DemonDastardly retweeted
Where can I get some of those champagne problems?
DemonDastardly retweeted
Circumstances are the worst type of cage
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I always wake up at the witching hour. Coincidence? I think not.
I always loved the way Biggie rhymed "Jesus" and "penis".
I'm up here re-Xing loads of X's and can't think of a single X myself so might steal an X.
It’s wonderful when the idea of a person matches the real thing.
All the joyful things I did with my beautiful wife when we were together all those years. It would have been her birthday today. Still celebrated.
I'm starting a room where anything goes, but it's my actual room in my home. You in?
Do you remember that sweet sound of your feet, walking away from things which were never meant for you in the first place?
Apparently, after tRumps Indictments, only Democrats need to comply.
I'm going to need you to reimburse me for all the credit I gave you that you didn't deserve.
Very much enjoying everyone stateside and in Europe trying to do the time zone calculator for the Japanese fights like we do constantly in Australia
I plan to start exercising. That way I'll die healthy.
FYI tomato soup wasn’t the only assault I experienced in Auckland. I was also kicked, punched and pushed. The mob genuinely made me fear for my life. And for what? Trying to speak.
@ThePosieParker My political statement at an art exhibition here in New Zealand, I'm sorry for how you were treated, and any woman who tries to speak out ❤️
Boomers spend half their lives causing trauma, and half avoiding responsibility for it.
Avoid calls from pesky bill collectors by not paying your phone bill.
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