DemonDastardly @mydmac
Memento mori https://t.co/ERqfdHBvyC twitter.com/search?q=from:… Blue planet Joined October 2009-
Tweets95K
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Followers68K
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Following2K
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Likes548K
It’s wonderful when the idea of a person matches the real thing.
While the intelligence may be artificial, the bullshit is all too authentic.
If you get caught spying on your neighbors tell them you’re an amateur sleuth. It won’t stop them calling the cops but it will confuse them long enough for you to run.
Save money on a gym, choose the crazy chick.
Goodnight, moon. “Goodnight angry little blue planet baffled into pusillanimity by the scale of its problems.” (mumbles under breath) Crater-face.
If "Barbie" was realistic, director Greta Gerwig's older brother would rip Barbie's head off at some point in the movie.
employer: your resume says you were once the principal dancer in the Spandau Ballet? me: this much is true
I’m trying to look on the bright side but it really needs a stronger bulb..
I would rather be an original soul than an attention seeking one.
Interviewer: On your resume under skills you wrote "I'm a very good boy...?" Dog: Yes, and I have references.
Sometimes you just need to part your hair on the other side and see where the day takes you
While removing a cat hair from my phone screen I accidentally closed three windows, downloaded two apps, made an unwanted Amazon purchase, and texted my boss a Chuck Norris meme.
My suicide note will just read, “had the hiccups for longer than 7 minutes.”
Where can I get some of those champagne problems?
Circumstances are the worst type of cage
Boyd's Backyard™ @TheBoydP
102K Followers 20K Following I’d rather be working on my yard. #envydastrength I retweet regular people. My tweets are here: https://t.co/zOIJ18SHBVTrey @treydayway
41K Followers 6K Following *Something profound* - @treydayway https://t.co/c64nfwFO1XChelle~ @BombChelleMama_
153K Followers 5K Following Little cheeseburger aficionado. Disclaimer: I am not responsible for how you interpret my tweets.𝓜53♕ ☠︎ 🌸 @contradiction70
104K Followers 16K Following Whenever I pick up a power tool, I press the trigger twice.S̲uper H̲uman A̲ut.. @_indica_sky
45K Followers 2K FollowingIvsy @Ivsy01
40K Followers 9K Following drinking slurpees in front of 7-eleven with @The_Getawaygirl My thoughts in a box. my tweets 🤦♀️ https://t.co/0g8VMFzt2kBenny 'Bluesky' Rolli.. @citizenkawala
21K Followers 8K Following Australian Jim Morrison | Real person | Dave's mate | 1053 https://t.co/PN73YRdrctnatalayhehoo @highprobably1
38K Followers 3K Following This is not the profile you’re looking for. Gemini and Vol for lifeAlfie @DownFrontArtist
54K Followers 48K Following There is no show without business. https://t.co/X2EN341vnkDan Regan @DanRegan_Comedy
25K Followers 7K Following Comedian//Comedy Writer Sometimes I write funny stuff so keep checking. https://t.co/QwGtdvzVphThe B. @anerdonfire2
37K Followers 14K Following My thoughts were full of other things when I wandered off the path. Dante Alighieri, InfernoMarcmywords @Marcmywords2
55K Followers 50K Following Tweeting Live From The Capital Of The Who Dat Nation. https://t.co/92vEozoAvokanye’s bhole @bossy_bootz
42K Followers 10K Following Syrian Import ✝️ Mother. Cat lover. Stay-at-home therapist. Recent: https://t.co/tvlKhCxxNi%Grant Tanaka: Honky @GrantTanaka
37K Followers 5K Following Anatomically correct. For the most part.Pugnado 🐾🌪 @LuvPug
75K Followers 16K Following writer of dumb tweets, founder of the @LuvPugFDN for homeless & disabled animals 🐾 🐾🐾Instagram: -luvpugpetcare -harrywaddlebottom -luvpugfoundationP0rnCi3rg3 @Le_Porncierge
79 Followers 425 Following Adult content. Smut peddler. 6 decades and counting. I'm a gentleman, until I'm not. No minors allowedDr. Sorry About That!.. @DoogerNorth
4K Followers 2K Following Retired clinical psychologist..observing from the point of view of psychopathology. Opinions are my own.PeaceInTruth2 @PeaceInTruth1X
66 Followers 126 Following Yeah you know me. Owned by my dog. #ChiefsKingdom╭∩╮(◣_◢)╭.. @RedAndBlueKu420
613 Followers 4K Following Just a huge Jayhawk fan - Packers fan- I live with schizophrenia-I love the paranormal-Tweet dumb shit &memes-420 friendly - Always Stay Humble 💯💫Whiskey Twisted @whiskeytwisted1
336 Followers 759 Following Whiskey cause it doesn’t love me back and it’s gone in the morningمحمد بیگی @beygi8082
19 Followers 174 FollowingWeirdmaskman NG 😷 @WeirdmaskmanNG
3K Followers 5K Following Weird! El solo lobo! Soccer fanatic, scientific, cartoon freak, capricious-eek. That Oasis, Chef-d' oeuvre in this Earthly inferno.Pledge allegiance to no creedSaw Htett @SawHtett79097
362 Followers 2K FollowingG. M. Stone @BottleAndBurns
458 Followers 2K Following I reserve my place on that angelic ladder of common sense. Sinner. Old Hyperion.Jovelyn @colonjovelyn
1K Followers 5K Following am a full time forex trader and I help people trade and win consistently with the most efficient strategiesYeri Nolasco @nolasco_ye81901
1K Followers 5K FollowingStacey Nichols @snichols79
116 Followers 626 Following High and mighty. God's big, dumb clown. Mom to a girl child. That bitch.ghanshyam kalwar @KalwarGhanshyam
160 Followers 51 FollowingVanessa @VClarky_87
52 Followers 148 Following Just a little late, Just mildly drunk, Just generally interested. Mammy of 2. Exhausted. Bothered. Happy. Ish. Here to laugh.🇮🇪🍀Sheraz Khan @SherazK91738281
14 Followers 129 Followingwaseem Ahmed @waseemA58982939
50 Followers 195 Followingjoey 🔻 @joeislamo
7K Followers 1K FollowingM❍n❍t❍ne❍fBil.. @MonotoneofBill
106K Followers 107K Following Ernie (not Bill). Retired trombonist/music administrator in southern Maine. #Puns #Blue #Boston @[email protected]Teewee @Chloestylo
13K Followers 3K Following You've all been given top clearance to read my tweets. 🇺🇸 .. Patriot .. ❤Mike Klenck @mikek38
216 Followers 2K Following Worn out tennis player. Skier, Cancer survivor . UNM Alumni LettermanHogtown Gal @hogtownjennie
427 Followers 493 Following “Handle every situation like a dog. If you can’t eat it or play with it, just pee on it and walk away.” - UnknownStringer Rell @Jaureal
575 Followers 2K Following Husband, Father, School Teacher, MOTIVATOR through WORDS...Storm Roman @StormRoman6
173 Followers 236 FollowingSweet Sandra Lissa @sandra_swe30586
42 Followers 192 FollowingThe Littlest Oaf @J_M_Macdonald
372 Followers 2K Following High class clown. Jaywalking aficionado. Assistant musician with #RondeauTheMusical. Mexican Jumping Bean fan account https://t.co/ehu0QHNTzp…EricG @egerrity
2K Followers 3K Following Welp... IT guy in the KC area. Be kind to others as no one likes douchecanoes. Chiefs, Royals & KU fan - RCJH https://t.co/q5RWNLL0oe❤🖤❤🖤 @Julssszz1
3K Followers 5K FollowingMad Hatter Mommy!!! @MadHatterMommy
23K Followers 4K Following sometimes funny, full of cheese, chocolate and unpopular opinions; don’t DM please https://t.co/IdtiajUsndlow_key_trying @loww_key_trying
180 Followers 437 Following fascinated by humans, war and god. #athiest Not blue or red, Marine veteran #thinkforyourself #hellboundcuntKeifondickson @keifondick68420
122 Followers 20 FollowingMichael Lewis @VegasBamaFan
524 Followers 2K Following Attorney in Las Vegas that loves technology, sports, animals and the outdoors.Nom De Plume @DeonMumple
1K Followers 1K Following Writer, Poet. Former Dreamer. I may or may not be joking. If you don't want an answer, why ask a question?❤️The Joy❤️ @Joyhere6
3K Followers 4K Following 🇺🇸❤️Donald J. TRUMP IS MY PRESIDENT 🇺🇸❤️#MAGA#Texas 🇺🇸From🇵🇭 No #DMs please.Wesley @FuryWesley75599
303 Followers 364 FollowingEllen @ellenroberts1
19K Followers 21K Following Pick me a single flower because you want to, instead of a dozen roses because you have to. https://t.co/e2sEt4kJKRDanimal @DanimalSurly
2K Followers 2K Following Libido Whisperer | Coochie connoisseur | Veteran of the cornhole | 69 unbelievers cumverted since May | Slut for grilled cheeseev6e-bikes @EV6Bikes
743 Followers 5K Following🇦🇺 STAND 4 WOME.. @SFWAustralia_WA
949 Followers 1K Following 🇦🇺 🚺 Local Australian Adult Human Females who stand up for reality & sex based rights & protection of children in WA 🦘James @James5619856294
324 Followers 613 Following Love upbeat funny people but everyone has bad days. Everyone has a opinion some people just don’t wanna hear itBoyd's Backyard™ @TheBoydP
102K Followers 20K Following I’d rather be working on my yard. #envydastrength I retweet regular people. My tweets are here: https://t.co/zOIJ18SHBVTrey @treydayway
41K Followers 6K Following *Something profound* - @treydayway https://t.co/c64nfwFO1XChelle~ @BombChelleMama_
153K Followers 5K Following Little cheeseburger aficionado. Disclaimer: I am not responsible for how you interpret my tweets.𝓜53♕ ☠︎ 🌸 @contradiction70
104K Followers 16K Following Whenever I pick up a power tool, I press the trigger twice.Benny 'Bluesky' Rolli.. @citizenkawala
21K Followers 8K Following Australian Jim Morrison | Real person | Dave's mate | 1053 https://t.co/PN73YRdrctnatalayhehoo @highprobably1
38K Followers 3K Following This is not the profile you’re looking for. Gemini and Vol for lifeAlfie @DownFrontArtist
54K Followers 48K Following There is no show without business. https://t.co/X2EN341vnkDan Regan @DanRegan_Comedy
25K Followers 7K Following Comedian//Comedy Writer Sometimes I write funny stuff so keep checking. https://t.co/QwGtdvzVphThe B. @anerdonfire2
37K Followers 14K Following My thoughts were full of other things when I wandered off the path. Dante Alighieri, InfernoMarcmywords @Marcmywords2
55K Followers 50K Following Tweeting Live From The Capital Of The Who Dat Nation. https://t.co/92vEozoAvokanye’s bhole @bossy_bootz
42K Followers 10K Following Syrian Import ✝️ Mother. Cat lover. Stay-at-home therapist. Recent: https://t.co/tvlKhCxxNi%Pugnado 🐾🌪 @LuvPug
75K Followers 16K Following writer of dumb tweets, founder of the @LuvPugFDN for homeless & disabled animals 🐾 🐾🐾Instagram: -luvpugpetcare -harrywaddlebottom -luvpugfoundationcathryn 💚🇨🇦 @AngryRaccoon2
27K Followers 6K Following Nice person. Buddhist. Mental health and harm reduction advocate 💚The Ciscokidder @TheCiscoKidder
36K Followers 13K Following 99% jokes, 100% Stay home dad, atheist, BLM, feminist, pro LGBTQ+ and left af. https://t.co/HpCbHaktUaLaLaLyds @LaLa_Lyds
19K Followers 4K Following nostalgic for last week's tuna sandwich. knock it off.Betty Botticelli @Faungirl123
58K Followers 5K Following lost in the woods, probably gonna die. I take pictures of stuff and things. Other account @BettyBully12nice things I say to .. @meantomyself
28K Followers 8K Following Hopeful idiot | your big suburban | Log Lady | X's hottest mom™️ | tired founder. Not funny or young enough to write tweets for Clorox. avi @popartcartoonzTeewee @Chloestylo
13K Followers 3K Following You've all been given top clearance to read my tweets. 🇺🇸 .. Patriot .. ❤joey 🔻 @joeislamo
7K Followers 1K FollowingDanimal @DanimalSurly
2K Followers 2K Following Libido Whisperer | Coochie connoisseur | Veteran of the cornhole | 69 unbelievers cumverted since May | Slut for grilled cheeseⓂ️isterD @MisterD78UK
9K Followers 5K Following This is a page of silly and fun, please don't take it seriously, you'll just be wasting your own time.❤️🔥 Jolie R.. @joliereverie1
4K Followers 2K Following Just a girl living on the edge of a beautiful daydream.Scott Millen @TheScottMillen
3K Followers 5K Following Besetting the Righteous Man's path on all sides. Hakuna yo mama.🇦🇺 STAND 4 WOME.. @SFWAustralia_WA
949 Followers 1K Following 🇦🇺 🚺 Local Australian Adult Human Females who stand up for reality & sex based rights & protection of children in WA 🦘Houston Hard Hitters @TXRednation01
2K Followers 4K Following Slime SZN #WeAreTexans #Ready2Reign Rockets Astros 2022 2017 World Champs Longhorns Humor Horror Military Boxing MMA AEW WWEJust John @Tracer_78TX
4K Followers 4K Following getting by on getting by......father of two, TX L.E.O., Scoutmaster, friend to many, hated by some.Cockmydoodledoo @Twinbeaks69
1K Followers 1K Following Give me the tacos, beer, weed and music then we'll talk about the logistics. Not a mother of dragons, just a bunch of rabid squirrels. A violet in a rose gardenMMMMMMark @ReturnOfDaGoat
513 Followers 499 Following I was gone for 3 years, don’t know why I came back.ThatGuyAgain @NotUniqueAgain
325 Followers 432 Following I think I confirmed to be back at the shit show again. Yes, 💯 a terrible flirt.Bronwyn @UtopiaIsALie
3K Followers 4K Following “It’s very dangerous to believe people. I haven’t for years.” - Miss MarpleRodney Lacroix @RodLacroix
43K Followers 6K Following Disappointing people since 1968. | EVERYTHING: https://t.co/JN2RmmKWfK | Latest Tweets: https://t.co/BuhDfbbFkq | Top Tweets: https://t.co/3B9KMSYvlvMateo @Matty_Lombardo
519 Followers 764 FollowingMagdalen Forever #Kee.. @Conviction19c
15K Followers 7K Following Make the Equality Act Clear. Sign Petition https://t.co/TyNP2RWoRPDeb @BadMommy4U
7K Followers 7K Following I’ve lived a life of filthy bliss & I really don’t read DM’s. Suffering through diagnosis by elimination.Daft Pun @AllanForsyth
7K Followers 3K Following Humour account. Don't take anything I write on here seriously, you muppet. Please don't add me to DM rooms.PB Harrison @hunkybloodydory
7K Followers 3K Following The UK's premiere entertainer. Follow the link to listen to The two minute podcast and The PB&J podcast on Spotify: https://t.co/jXnG0bin2sDamien 🦇 @DFacobbre
2K Followers 847 Following Records truly is my middle name. Dad, film historian, suffers from scopophobia and a paralyzed diaphragm. Be nice. @dfacobbre.bsky.socialBits & Pisces ♠️�.. @Chuck_Wagon_
12K Followers 8K Following Life's all about chance, so roll the dice... https://t.co/rB1XHwRcvxjust me but not @justmebutnot1
7K Followers 4K Following Just having fun, tell me a dirty joke. BLM, Resist.Funny Tweeter @thefunnytweeter
12K Followers 4K Following If we retweet you, that means your tweet was published in http://t.co/PGa2xGXP. To submit a tweet, use http://t.co/dgSEBxyELeen McBeans ꪜ @LeenMcBeans
13K Followers 7K Following ✨Good intentions, questionable methods✨ Recovering academic. Mother of Dad Jokes. A third fun sounding thing. 🏳️🌈J.W. Atkin @Atkin_Jw
5K Followers 1K Following Defining life on my terms... It's best not to try and figure me out. It will leave you feeling exhausted.🇺🇸Rock Me SAMad.. @SamRC1987
9K Followers 10K Following Senior Copyeditor ✏️❌ | Puzzle Solver 🧩 | History Enthusiast 📜 | Avid Reader 📚 | Aspiring Author 🖋️ | Coffee Epicure ☕ | Verified Nerd 🤓 | '90s Kid 🎮📼💾@AlexNevilAgain @AlexNevilAgain
1K Followers 1K Following I am Elon Musk. You don’t need to parody me. I’m obviously perfectly capable of doing it myself.TapasGirl2 @TapasGirl2
4K Followers 2K Following Beagles & Bourbon 🥃 📚 Same girl with a different label 🏷 formerly @girlontapasjason jasonson @jason__jasonson
1K Followers 721 Following https://t.co/ljaKQrr88s all i do is list facts on twitter and fuck your mom in the ass.Tyler @BalloonFlavour
13K Followers 7K FollowingDead Pan Nick @Contwixt
23K Followers 14K Following dad. spouse. rustic. humorist. tweetsman. time-lapse thinker. gambler. vibes. vapes. cats. psychics. metaphysics. road trips.Sho’Nuff @numeri33
8K Followers 7K Following Always chillin’. Bacon is life! AZ Wildcats 4-Life. BTFD from Bill’s Country.Michael Ron Bowling @mrbcyber
33K Followers 9K Following I post about cyber security and Hybrid warfare the covert combination of economic psychological criminal and information war primarily from Chinadangerfloof @BrightsidesWife
5K Followers 4K Following life is love, joy, chaos, peace, humour and pain. artist. advocate for mental health, cptsd and autism 💙normmynorm @normmynorm
62 Followers 80 Following Nostalgia addict living one corny, 90s movie quote to the next.Indigo Wolf @IndigoDreams4U
605 Followers 877 Following Walking Warlock, Sometimes all you can do is put one foot in front of the other, freedom is never cheap. Put the children first for they are the future.I always wake up at the witching hour. Coincidence? I think not.
I always loved the way Biggie rhymed "Jesus" and "penis".
I'm up here re-Xing loads of X's and can't think of a single X myself so might steal an X.
It’s wonderful when the idea of a person matches the real thing.
All the joyful things I did with my beautiful wife when we were together all those years. It would have been her birthday today. Still celebrated.
I'm starting a room where anything goes, but it's my actual room in my home. You in?
Do you remember that sweet sound of your feet, walking away from things which were never meant for you in the first place?
Apparently, after tRumps Indictments, only Democrats need to comply.
I'm going to need you to reimburse me for all the credit I gave you that you didn't deserve.
Very much enjoying everyone stateside and in Europe trying to do the time zone calculator for the Japanese fights like we do constantly in Australia
I plan to start exercising. That way I'll die healthy.
FYI tomato soup wasn’t the only assault I experienced in Auckland. I was also kicked, punched and pushed. The mob genuinely made me fear for my life. And for what? Trying to speak.
@ThePosieParker My political statement at an art exhibition here in New Zealand, I'm sorry for how you were treated, and any woman who tries to speak out ❤️
Boomers spend half their lives causing trauma, and half avoiding responsibility for it.
Avoid calls from pesky bill collectors by not paying your phone bill.