Today I accept God back into my life What wasn't planned was to type that and feel this overwhelming breath surge through me, and now I'm a bit lost for words. But, there are some things I need to say, and it may be long, but for me it is vitally important to remember this. I am still questioning. I believe any person, believer or not, should question. I also have to humble myself and acknowledge I do not and can not ever know everything. I find myself alone while driving, and praying. I find myself having moments of worry, or fear, and I thank God. I had to ask myself how the hell can I say I don't believe yet when my actions prove the opposite. In total transparency, that in itself is fear. Living 10 years in June as an atheist, after losing my faith over night, it's so much to take in, because it's different now. Growing up in a Christian home, I believed because, first, I was raised to. It was normal. It was life. God was also the only one I had. I was depressed, alone, and God was my friend. Today I am surrounded by love, family, friends, and endless support. It had to become a true choice and willingness now. This last week I have surged into this place faster than I ever have all these years of wandering. I have watched endless blasphemy from the mouths of believers reject those seeking to come to Christ, and instead of it just making me angry, it somehow brought me closer. I am human. I still feel such a stress and weight upon my shoulders, as we all do. Financial stress, not enough time in a day, am I doing all that I can for my children and as a wife, what does this change mean for me in my activism? The questions pile on, I become overwhelmed, and I am constantly reminding myself to breathe. I am not, will not, force myself or allow anyone to push me into a religion or church. That has never been me and it never will be. I love the small town church we attend right now because it is a community, a family, focused on one singular goal. Serving God. Being there for one another in Christ. The beauty and simplicity in that perfection calls me right now. Last night my husband sat with me and we spoke late into the night about what has been going on. He has been my rock and my greatest supporter, even in silence. He has been hesitant to say anything to me because he knows if I am pushed, I will retreat. I've been that way my whole life. My respect and love for him grows as I navigate this uncertainty, but navigate I shall.
It is also our son's 11th Birthday today, and while I was unable to get him very much, he shows me the most remarkable grace and love, and I am so honored to be able to remember this day for even another Beautiful reason.
@Albany__Rose I’ve always been amused that you were the most “Christiany” atheist I ever saw, see God knew you’d be back it just took the long route and you were never truly gone 😉😍 I love this so much for you!!
@Albany__Rose Wait, wait, wait!!!! This is baby boy’s birthday AND you make this announcement!!!?!?!?!!! This is amazing!!!!!! I’m so happy for you!!! You know I’m here, for better or worse, girl!! ❤️❤️
@Albany__Rose PRAISE THE LORD 🙏🏻 Welcome back ❤️❤️❤️
@Albany__Rose God or no God, atheist or not, you're loved, and your religious beliefs are of no importance to me. You're a bad ass momma and wife, and that's all that really matters.
@Albany__Rose I love you so much Albany💖😭💖