Alexander Lionel @AlexDuParte

Sometimes I imagine I'm a dying man My will weakened, my body beaten To the point I can barely stand To think of all of life's possibilities And of the people who'd hold my hand It keeps me grounded, keeps my feelings true Yet still, of all people, I wish one was you

How fun it is to watch the snake squirm To watch it wriggle in fear and writhe like a worm To see the sickening spider entangled in its web A victim to it's callously constructed threads Be mindful of the serpents tongue And of sinister strands so sinfully spun

I can't seem to keep my head on straight To keep forcing the echoes in my mind to abait All the anger, anxieties, upset, and hate Not saying a word until it's too late 'Fore heading off to a slumber from which I'll never awake

It's over I've reached the end No need for facade No need to pretend No need for sympathy No need for goodbyes No need for logistics Believe me, I've tried Just a final hurrah One last spiteful creed You'll watch me die before you watch me bleed

Why can't you just leave me be? When I'm alone in my dreams don't send for me I tire of the mix of old memories Grafted on futures that I'll never see Being forced to let you live in my head rent-free For God's sake, please just leave me be

I'll never hate you In fact, looking back, I should be grateful But even now I'm not sure what to feel Knowing that none of it was ever real All I've learned is a promise broken scars before it heals

Do me the kindness, would you? Remember me when I'm gone Not for the man I was Nor the man I was meant to be But for the man I never could've been Never would've been Good or bad, best or worst Make it exciting Do that for me, would you?

I'm a devil, it would seem Exactly the villain I appear to be Another cog in the heartless machine Forever spiraling until my tracks stop clean 'Til I'm no more than a faded memory A nightmare that was once a dream

You hurt me in a way you'll never truly comprehend Made me feel as though I was but a means to an end I've made peace with the fact that I can't take back what you stole Because to love and lose is better than to never love at all

I'd love to have a little space A tiny, little nowhere place Somewhere my mind can go to waste But I'm stuck here instead A million thoughts inside my head Another sleepless night I'll spend lying awake upon my bed

I sometimes wonder if I'm better off alone A question I find myself asking more as I've grown Me, myself, and I with no love of my own Just a quiet life and an empty home

I get tired of spending endless days Counting the minutes to the hour Twiddling my thumbs in the hope of some divine revelation Each thought prefaced by some desperate disposition Yet I remain, synapses stranded within the silence Callously confined to this cold reality

Is the coward he whose steady blade Reaps soul from mortal coil? Or he who stays his hand 'Fore blood is spilt upon the soil?

There's not a day goes by Where I don't dream of something more Of all the big and better things The future has in store For though the paths we travel May be different than we thought You may find the destination Holds exactly what you sought

I'll pour a parting glass For all the dreams that lost their way And propose a silent toast To words we've lost the will to say We'll drink to all the silent nights That slowly turned to days And cheer to all the bitter things As their sweetness fades away

Nights like these remind me how much has changed From all I've lost to all I've gained Yet my heart never settles I wonder still Was it all for the better?

I miss the fleeting memories The time that passed us by I miss the bittersweetness Of every last goodbye I miss the tender moments The dances in the rain I miss the time we spent together I wish you felt the same

I've spent too much time Singing sweet nothings for someone who never heard them So here I'll remain Stringing sentences into soliloquies Alone but for the silence

Dream me your reality Weave me your words of an unspoken infinity For there's a million and one reasons To say that you'll stay But a million and two For why you'd run away

My love, my light, my heart The songbird on my sill For though the skies gray Upon my window you stay True to the craft of your art My grief, my pain, my sorrow My only real regret Our fates interwined Yet our stars, unaligned And too many todays spent on thoughts of tomorrow