Awkward mom @AwkwardMom
Awkward you say....... kitchen Joined September 2012-
Tweets76
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Followers35
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Following1
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My kids' bdays are both exactly 9 months after my birthday. I have no joke for this. It's sad I have only been laid twice, on my birthday.
My daughter's boyfriend is abusive, I heard him telling her she won't be able to walk after tonight.
I'm tired of giving my son money to get high, I thought riding the swings were free?
My son is always talking about getting head, that's silly he doesn't make sense ...young naïve boy he already has a head!
People always naming their kids after stuff they cant afford, Mercedes, Bentley, Pearl, Child support.
I found a bunch of empty condom wrappers in my daughters room, she must be out of water balloons
My daughter songs "chains and whips excite me!"... isn't she a little too old to play cops and robbers?
My daughter said that Mitt Romney could give her the D. I didn't know he was a teacher.
My son just told me he's going out to buy some grass... Its so nice that he's interested in the yard work.
My son's friends always ask if they can get a piece of my booty. It's so cute when the pretend to be pirates!
My daughter's Facebook status said "sext me ;)" ... so I commented "you spelled "text" wrong hunny.
My son and his friends keep talking about cougars. I'm going to plan a trip to the zoo for his birthday.
My son's friends all say that I "make it nasty". Is my cooking that bad?
My son can be so clumsy sometimes! I heard him say he broke his girlfriend's cherry!
I didn't know my son liked mushrooms, but now I see him eating them all the time! :) and what an imagination he has too!
I'll slit the bastards throat!" "Grandma, sit the fuck down, it's only bingo!
ROLLING IN THE DEEP!!!" "Grandma please, get your wheelchair out of the bathtub!
YOU LITTLE PUNK, STOP FLASHING THOSE GANG SIGNS AT ME!" MOM please, he's deaf!
My daughter is always talking about getting the 'D'. She better pull her grades up or she will be grounded.
My son bought this weird kind of vase for his room, called a 'bong'. I think its great that he's into modern art!
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