BestSchoolTips @BestSchoolTips
Providing top-quality advice and guidance to school leaders, teachers, governors and Justine Greening. Joined January 2014-
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Staff wellbeing boards should consist of an out-of-date flyer for the local gym and a photocopied 'funny' answer from a Year 3 reading test.
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Before school each day, ensure staff attend a briefing where they can listen to SLT read aloud what's written on a big whiteboard.
Teachers, make maths problems cross-curricular by adding the word 'Roman' in front of the word 'coins' and calling people Nero and Julius.
Raise morale when sending round memos about Ofsted, lesson observations, new marking policies, etc, by always using brightly-coloured paper.
Office staff, when buying backing paper for display boards, always get the cheapest rolls that are about 40cm high. Teachers love 'em.
Heads, expect your teaching staff to start and maintain a class blog. Then repeatedly point out that you're far too busy to ever look at it.
Heads, ensure that the staff car park is very slightly emptier by cancelliing all visits from the mobile library. Happy teachers all round!
Heads, after two whole weeks back in class, now would be a good time to raise the fact that there is not enough work in children's books.
If you're an MAT who's totally failed to support your schools, arrange an INSET day in Sept with a session called Spirituality Through Clay.
If the MAT I currently work for ever held a vote of no confidence in its leadership, it would make the Corbyn result look bloody fantastic.
When showing teachers an exemplar report, it always helps morale if the made up-child has a hilarious name such as Cliff Edge or Bill Ding.
Librarians, save money by not ordering the 3rd and 7th books of any popular children's series. They're always the ones that get lost first.
When your academy chain are laying off support staff due to shrinking budgets, employ an executive head on £90,000 pa to help boost morale.
Office staff, when teachers ask for more pencils, reply with 'Whatever are they doing with them?' & then imply shady dealings are happening.
When providing staff with a blank report format, ensure they need to sort out at least five different font sizes and styles before starting.
Teachers, remember that school reports will be due in soon. Time to develop a sudden short-term interest in gardening or DIY.
Teachers, save children time when giving out new exercise books by putting them in the tumble dryer and then driving over them in your car.
Heads, please remind staff that the matching mugs in the staffroom cupboard are for governors' meetings only and certainly not for them.
Heads, reassure your Year 6 staff that you're 'pulling out all the stops' to help them by sodding off to a three day geography conference.
Year Six teachers, remind your class that it's only another four weeks until they can do some drama, art, music, PE or outdoor learning.
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