Disappointing Fortune Cookie @CrappyCookie

And man, did you fuck it up.

GOP @GOP

5 years ago

“We have been blessed by God with the greatest nation on the face of the earth.”—@realDonaldTrump

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Artists installed seesaws at the border wall so that kids in the U.S. and Mexico could play together. It was designed by architect Ronald Rael. ⁣ ⁣ Beautiful reminder that we are connected: what happens on one side impacts the other. 🇲🇽 ❤️ 🇺🇸

What the Shoemaker-Levy 9 Impact Taught Us Twenty-five years ago, multiple fragments of comet Shoemaker-Levy 9 crashed into Jupiter, changing the face of the planet and the course of planetary science: planetary.org/blogs/guest-bl…

Sorry LA. I meant that for Washington.

Sometimes rain is Me crying because I'm laughing so hard. #TrumpParade

Can he eat just one Hot Dog in 10 minutes? @StarTalkRadio’s "Playing With Science", the sports spinoff, challenged Takeru Kobayashi, the Hot Dog eating champion, to a Slow-Dog eating contest. [Video: 10min]

I might throw in some frogs, too.

CNN @CNN

5 years ago

A thunderstorm threat looms over Trump's Fourth of July show cnn.it/2Nvs6p3

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"All men are created equal." - A man who owned 600 other men. Happy 4th of July!

Sporting our red, white, and blue on @Space_Station!🇺🇸 Planning a “cookout” tonight. Beef patties, corn, blueberry cobbler, and lemonade are all on the menu - tasty and ready in under 15 minutes. Hoping to catch some fireworks out the window later. Happy #4thofJuly from space!

It's #NationalSelfieDay and our @MarsCuriosity rover is a pro selfie-taker, thanks to 17 cameras used for surveying the vast landscape of the Red Planet. 📸 Discover how the rover takes self-portraits using its robotic arm: go.nasa.gov/31P7V8A

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Something in the air tonight I detected the largest amount of methane ever during my mission: ~21 parts per billion by volume. While microbial life can be a source of methane on Earth, methane can also be made by interaction between rocks and water. go.nasa.gov/2ZC0xvc

🔎 The game is afoot. I'm continuing to investigate the Martian methane mystery. A follow-on investigation shows that this past week's methane levels have sharply decreased. go.nasa.gov/2ZC0xvc

Hip-bot-hooray! Three cheers for @NASA's newest robot: #Dragonfly. On the search for the building blocks of life, it will fly to various locations on Titan, Saturn's largest moon, a place where methane rains from hazy skies. go.nasa.gov/2ZW0c6D

PewPew Part II: Rock-zapping laser instrument SuperCam was recently installed on #Mars2020 in a clean room at @NASAJPL. Just like I use ChemCam to examine rocks from a distance, it will ID chemical and mineral composition from more than 20 ft (6 m) away: go.nasa.gov/2XnBShc

Got any plans for the holiday weekend? I'm going for a drive and will check out some layered bedrock with my laser, then I'll take a timeout to inspect my wheels and just observe this gorgeous crater. Wherever the #4thofJuly takes you, I hope it's an adventure.

😱😱😱 checking out @NASA @NASAJPL’s Mars 2020 Rover!!! 😍

At 1:30 in the morning we received signals indicating our LightSail 2 is out orbiting on its own! Next check 5:30 pm PT today. Got a good feeling about our satellite and its sailing future! @exploreplanets

There is life in outer space, and it's intelligent, and that's why it's staying far away from you.

Life suck when you eat a fortune cookie with no fortune in it!!

Here are 50 stars, 13 stripes, seven mammals and zero living souls.