FailingMyLifeMobile @FMLMobile
http://t.co/f8XABjJehg official mobile application fml.jar4.me iPhone: 43.309414,5.388970 Joined July 2009-
Tweets4K
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Followers923
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Following875
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Likes0
Today, I was mugged at gunpoint by a senior citizen. She now has a lousy $20, and I probably have PTSD. FML fml.jar4.me
Today, drunk at a party, I leaned through a window to throw up. I was outside. FML fml.jar4.me
Today, my wife wants to name our first child Siri, after the iPhone function. FML fml.jar4.me
Today, my cat went into labor. This is surprising since 6 years ago, we paid to have her spayed. FML fml.jar4.me
Today, I yet again purposefully avoided the 'Health and Fitness' section on pinterest to keep my self-esteem up. FML fml.jar4.me
Today, my parents kindly told me what they are getting me for my 18th birthday. An eviction notice. FML fml.jar4.me
Today, I realized the amount of cats I currently have is more than the number of guys I've ever dated. FML fml.jar4.me
Today, I had my wisdom teeth taken out. I vaguely remember telling the doctor that I'm a virgin. Several times. FML fml.jar4.me
Today, I awoke in the midst of the night to find my half-naked dad drunkenly arguing with the microwave. FML fml.jar4.me
Today, I put on a shirt that said "skilled in every position." My boyfriend took one look and said, "since when?" FML fml.jar4.me
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. Why? Because, "I'm a boy and you're a girl. We're just too different." FML fml.jar4.me
Today, my mom came home drunk and yelled at me for 20 minutes for not feeding the cat. We don't have a cat. FML fml.jar4.me
Today, I was severely chewed out by my boss because, according to him, I look down on him too often. I'm 6ft5. FML fml.jar4.me
Today, a homeless man asked me for some money to eat. He ate the five dollars I gave him. FML fml.jar4.me
Today, I woke up after a night of drinking to find that while I was passed out someone stole my prosthetic leg. FML fml.jar4.me
Today, I was fired from my job for being too intimidating. I'm a bouncer at a casino. FML fml.jar4.me
Today, I walked in on my son teabagging his sister over a video game. FML fml.jar4.me
Today, my teacher wore a bikini at the pool. She is 68. FML fml.jar4.me
Today, I was reading a book in public. Some bastard stranger came over and started spoiling the plot for me. FML fml.jar4.me
Today, I witnessed my girlfriend slowly floss her teeth, and then eat what showed up on the floss. FML fml.jar4.me
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