I.M. Buoyant @FakeScheffer

I like sauces more than you. I average seven minute doors. My neck hair connects to my back hair. twitter.com/fakescheffer Driftwood, NJ Joined April 2011

Tweets

410
Followers

36
Following

27
Likes

2

I.M. Buoyant @FakeScheffer

9 years ago

Some asshole got in an accident. When I get into an accident it doesn't slow anyone down except me.

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I.M. Buoyant @FakeScheffer

9 years ago

I don't take any medicine except Nexium.

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I.M. Buoyant @FakeScheffer

9 years ago

I stopped ordering hot sandwiches from my delivery place at work and now my life is a lot better.

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I.M. Buoyant @FakeScheffer

9 years ago

This is a fuckboi road.

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I.M. Buoyant @FakeScheffer

9 years ago

I'm gonna stop at this bagel place but I'm also gonna stop @DunkinDonuts .

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I.M. Buoyant @FakeScheffer

9 years ago

I think I'm going to drink more gin. And not less bourbon.

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I.M. Buoyant @FakeScheffer

9 years ago

I only listen to albums straight through.

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I.M. Buoyant @FakeScheffer

9 years ago

Every Christmas Amy gives me travel size presents.

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I.M. Buoyant @FakeScheffer

9 years ago

I don't like to play beer pong if it's not for money. It doesn't hold my interest.

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I.M. Buoyant @FakeScheffer

9 years ago

Grover Cleveland rest stop, which I've been driving by for the past 9 years combines my two favorite things: Popeyes and the Jersey Turnpike

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I.M. Buoyant @FakeScheffer

10 years ago

There's some good bartenders out there for sure.

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I.M. Buoyant @FakeScheffer

10 years ago

I hate seat warmers. The world would be perfect if there were no seat warmers or closed ended toilet paper holders.

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I.M. Buoyant @FakeScheffer

10 years ago

I should follow myself.

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I.M. Buoyant @FakeScheffer

10 years ago

The girl on my air mattress box is so hot.

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I.M. Buoyant @FakeScheffer

10 years ago

YES is on my eternal clipboard.

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I.M. Buoyant @FakeScheffer

10 years ago

Fig Newtons are better than Jaffa Cakes.

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I.M. Buoyant @FakeScheffer

11 years ago

I have dry rub everywhere.

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I.M. Buoyant @FakeScheffer

12 years ago

If I eat ice cream after 8 o'clock I will literally die.

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I.M. Buoyant @FakeScheffer

12 years ago

The Link doesn't just go away because we are getting older.

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I.M. Buoyant @FakeScheffer

12 years ago

The last six months I've had more ear wax than I've had in my entire life. Mostly dried up blood.

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