Bilbo Baggins @FilthyBilbo
I enjoyed a comfortable, unambitious life, rarely travelling further than my pantry until that cunt Gandalf turned up and fucked my life over. Here's how... The Shire Joined August 2010-
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It was a miserable start. But them Dwarves like to eat a lot and often. And I ‘ad a special large sausage to feed ‘em with. Aye ;-)
The next thing I know, there’s Gandalf showin' off on a proper horse. All white it was. Used to be black till he spunked all over it! Nice.
Still, on the upside tha dwarven lads 'ad got me a little pony that 'fitted my size' perfectly - I chucked me custard there and then!
Anyway, I found meself on the road with a bunch of twatty dwarves, a dick wizard & not even a single hanky to catch me cum juice.
@yellow757 Whateve you do don't mention serial killers in yer tweets...
So where the bollocks was I? Honestly, with all these fookin interuptions I'll never get to tell ya'll about my cunting adventure. Arse.
@yellow757 I am a dirty little fucker...
@yellow757 I've 'eard she's a dirty little tart on the quiet... but she is a Liverpool lass #ff
@jo_simcock 'Your domestic obligations may be calling you...' That's right, it's been ages since I've given my hole a spring clean...
@Thelandri 'Filling replacement time. WAAAH' - Dunno about you, but I've always loved a good drillin'
@heatworld Go on then, I'll have a dirty #ff
@RealMattLucas 'Too many cocks spoil the broth' - you maybe want to seperate out the bitter drinkers...
I wake up & bugger me, all the beardy little twats had fucked off! Although I’m pretty sure the filthy bastards jizzed on me in the night...
The shortarsed dwarven cunts packed me off to bed. They didn’t even give me a chance to show 'em how I like to clutch me cum camel :-(
Was I off me fooking trolley or what? Screaming & shouting like a pig stuck up the brown ‘un. And not in the good way!
The dwarves talked about a tight hole and some old dragon tart that they were gonna give a fucking to & how to get a blow job off an elf...
@radianboh '@FilthyBilbo Probably the bloody Mines of Moria' - Aye, all dwarves chat about is beard-minge mining and bumming Legolas...cunts
So there I was tripping down the hallucination highway, with no idea of what the annoying beardy little dwarven turds were banging on about.
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