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General Heupel @GenHeupel

Parody Dispatches For VolNation 🏈🍊 Knoxville, TN Joined October 2018
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General Heupel @GenHeupel

3 months ago

Vols, Our winter slumber has been infringed upon by the dictatorship from the north. I have instructed Chancellor Plowman to file suit against these egregious transgressions. However if upheld, secession & war will be inevitable once more. Til VOLhalla

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General Heupel @GenHeupel

4 months ago

Vols, Our young gunslinger led a brilliant route of the Hawkeye nation. The culmination of our campaign leaves me longing for fall. I pray my correspondences have energized our people and galvanized the cause. I shall prepare winter quarters & lay my pen down. Til VOLhalla

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General Heupel @GenHeupel

4 months ago

Vols, We have made camp on the outskirts of Tomorrowland & will enjoy the fruits of FL. Space Mt. claimed several casualties, but discipline’s been restored. I have promoted a young PFC to lead us to victory & claim the shrine of citrus. In God & Nico we trust. Til VOLhalla

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General Heupel @GenHeupel

5 months ago

Vols, I have received orders to prepare for battle once more. We’ve been tasked to defend an orange grove in Orlando against a band of midwestern Hawkeyes. I pray this logistical conundrum ends our campaign in victory, as we head to the new year in FL once again. Til VOLhalla

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General Heupel @GenHeupel

5 months ago

Vols, My veterans held firm in their final home stand. Our artillery splintered the flotilla & the Tennessee’s now the final resting place for the Commodore scum. We shall begin preparing our winter quarters as we await a final engagement. Til VOLhalla

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General Heupel @GenHeupel

5 months ago

Vols, Adm. Farragut has laced the TN with mines & obstructions. Our Volmada will decimate the Commodore flotilla before they reach Kingston. I pray your day of Thanks is bountiful & please know our country will see victory once more come Sat. Til VOLhalla

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General Heupel @GenHeupel

5 months ago

Vols, After a daring charge by Sgt. Wright, our lines were broken & the day was lost. I pray the day of thanks bolsters our morale for the campaign finale. I shall request Admiral Farragut to prepare the defenses for the Commodore invasion. Til VOLhalla

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General Heupel @GenHeupel

6 months ago

Vols, Though our campaign has faltered, we can offer a last stand against the redcoat invaders. Their march to ATL & beyond shall be infringed upon by our boys in orange. I pray you will support our veterans & show no quarter to the approaching enemy. Til VOLhalla

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General Heupel @GenHeupel

6 months ago

Vols, Columbia shall be remembered as another Fredericksburg, Franklin or Cold Harbor. After initial success, our boys were mowed down like a scythe through wheat. We must hastily retreat in good order to meet the peach state invaders. Pray for our boys. Til VOLhalla

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General Heupel @GenHeupel

6 months ago

Vols, The march westward across our homeland swells my soul with fervor. Fully supplied from the generosity of our people, we now look to the coming struggle. I pray our attacks outlast the determined home guard of Cuonzo’s Columbia & MO can finally join our cause. Til VOLhalla

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General Heupel @GenHeupel

6 months ago

Vols, Our homecoming was not spoiled by the husky invader. PETA will surely be called after the massacre in Knoxville. Pat’s legacy inspired the boys to a decisive victory & we now set our sights on the gunslingers of Mizzou. The campaign hangs in the balance. Til VOLhalla

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General Heupel @GenHeupel

6 months ago

Vols, The confines of home have bolstered morale for the final push. We now await a yankee invader known for their prowess on the hardwood. We will don powder blue to honor Pat against her longtime rival. Her legacy shall be celebrated with a decisive victory. Til VOLhalla

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General Heupel @GenHeupel

6 months ago

Vols, Our annual skirmish with the wildcats resulted in victory as always. We have procured enough supplies to continue our campaign indefinitely & shall return home to prepare for homecoming. Scouts report a feeble canine invader from the far north approaching. Til VOLhalla

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General Heupel @GenHeupel

6 months ago

Vols, Though reduced in numbers, our force remains in good condition & it’s confidence unimpaired. Supplies however are dwindling. I deem it prudent to invade our northern, feline enemy to forage supplies from the colossal Kroger of Lexington. Our march begins… Til VOLhalla

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General Heupel @GenHeupel

6 months ago

Vols, Defeat has never hurt more. Our initial assaults carried the field, but were soon overrun by countless counterattacks led by zebras. We shall retreat in good order to continue this meaningless campaign. Til VOLhalla

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General Heupel @GenHeupel

6 months ago

Vols, We have entered the state of cousinly love, bolstered by a string of hard victories. I needn’t remind our veterans of the stakes this invasion holds, coevally allowing the fall harvest to feed my boys. Our campaign, our country lay in the balance. Til VOLhalla

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General Heupel @GenHeupel

7 months ago

Vols, Our lines held firm despite a furious opening assault from the agriculture crazed Texans. Ft. Neyland remains our greatest advantage, though we must leave its confines to quell the always dangerous tide in the coming week. Til VOLhalla

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General Heupel @GenHeupel

7 months ago

Vols, A pivotal struggle approaches. An army of Aggies led by clamoring milkmen approach from the west. I have instructed our sharpshooters to target these yelling pansies from the outset. We look to our own twelfth man to sway the tides of victory come Saturday. Til VOLhalla

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General Heupel @GenHeupel

7 months ago

Vols, I have granted our boys a week off to return to their homesteads & help with the fall harvest. Next week we shall prepare for the coming invasion of Texas farmers led by flamboyant yelling jumpsuits. I pray you enjoy some R&R as well my loyal constituents. Til VOLhalla

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General Heupel @GenHeupel

7 months ago

Vols, We have withstood the futile thrusts from the Cocks. Many a boy were lost to the blackout including our beloved McCoy. I pray this victory rejuvenates our campaign. Retribution has been dealt. Til VOLhalla

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