Purchased Happiness @IranianProphet

In the same way that blacks use to get whipped on the back, and get scarred 250 years ago, they hit me with poles on the back of my head and scar me now. They deserve no mercy.

My parents kept giving me condescending shit about how I will never be a trader? My sister wants to go into selling clothes on depop.

Why is it when I go outside in the real world I am not hated. I socialise with a great deal and yet nothing. I talk to police officers about my problems, therapists etc. And yet they didn't harbour this utter hatred like they did in ashmole.

I remember once I could not stop crying, and you were just kept pummeling with your hatred and words.

And the fact that I was blamed for my dilemmas for two and a half years for not talking to you mum. I was well into the idea of talking to you, and I did. But you shouted me and hated me and ripped me to nothing. She made me cry to death everytime.

Sometimes I was too hard on people, there appearance etc or something bothered me. I think at my core I reject Chavs and that, and I was stripped to my core.

I know behind closed door all you poncy ashmolian reptiles are actually feeling ever so deeply sorry for yourself 24/7. Whilst I was powering through and hardly getting the pitty party you never deserved. By hardly I mean none.

The ones who had any sense of decency were the ones I go on with the best.

And so many arrogant people at ashmole overating themselves with their utter arrogance and ignorance. Calling me weird for small talking, I'm like sweetheart I'm just talking to you like a normal fucking person, how do you excuse all the weird self-harming behaviour you do?

Jesus christ, I don't have the energy to do anything. It's a wonder I managed to get to places I did, and do the work I did. I must have incredible rooted will-power, and forceful determination to push myself and power through the mess for two years!

It's a wonder I got the grades I got throughout year 12 with all that sad lonelyness overwhelming me.

Ashkan hardly have a shit. Madar bozorgh plays games and lies, has a cold heart deep down. Mehdi is like another Mr El sayeed to me.

My family in Iran is what both saved me and kept me alive. I shall not turn down my utter hatred for them to mild disliking. Since its clear it wasn't necessarily their intention to merely intervene.

My sister also pushed events into their place subtly at periodic times to have a the most effect. But that's okay, in the grand scheme of things I slightly forgive her. I think I could've treated her better when I was smaller perhaps.

My mother hated me the most and a lot of, but so did I my sister. She has resented me and hated me as well, saying I go around the house hitting people, 1 month only before she was punching me in the face with almost negligible provacation. I wanted to kill myself, her excuse?

But in reality they all hated because they were jel as fuck.

I always took satisfaction from the small things in life. And the small conversations, "never take an L" right Theo?

So Jennet you were a major factor in pushing down that way. Well let's see what I can do about it.

It was only when I left ashmole I could heal again. I always wished during the pain, that my past or future self would travel back in time and save me from the abuse back then.

I nearly forgot what this all feels like, I will never forget.