Isabella Swan @IsaInChains

It makes it all the more painful. Even knowing now that I will potentially wake up to face this. My brain rejects the possibility.

While suspended here I toss around the idea of what my loss would mean. Would it even touch you. I doubt it.

Still flirting with death on a path to constant none existence; I'd hoped to be numb to it all. The shattering remains. I want it gone.

You'd think I'd lost the impending sense of helplessness with the suspended state of unconsciousness; but it wasn't too be.

...not only did I not want to wake up; I don't think anyone would miss my presence was I not too. Completely alone.

Suspended in a none reality. The only sure fact I know is; I don't want to wake up.

The floor suddenly becomes more interesting than the silent conversations around me. Just count the tiles; you'll be fine. I chant.

The room becomes involved in this tense silence. Me at the centre of it all. They don't understand. 'She's so young' that's all that's said.

The collective gasp is hard to ignore. I'm an anomaly. The craziest of the the crazy's. They all look somewhat nervous. My eyes drop.

I can barely whisper as I relive the worst days of my life. 'He left me, he was my world. He left....I couldn't live...not alone'

They all look at me. It's obvious they want me to elaborate. To know the full extent of my madness.

'I...um...cut myself..um.' my voice isn't right. There is something odd about it. My ears aren't relaying the pitch correctly. I stop.

I breathe in, building courage so as to say the words out loud. Even if it is only a flawed passing state of my own consciousness.

....the cycle rolls on, each reliving the graphic horror of their undoing until they're all looking at me. The mute. What do I say?

From one to the next it travels the cycle. 'Pills; only thing I had' they wince. The others. Pills can be painful so I've heard.

All in different states and streams of consciousness. 'What did you do?' the start of the questions. They want to know the grim reality.

Then I'm transported; part of the waiting. In a place sterilised and fit for nothing, not even comfort. There are others here. Discussing.

The whispered words of the priest; you know what it means but you cannot focus on the speech. In and out it wavers on fiction.

....dearly belove.....we are....thered....today to witness......f bell.....nd....

The anxiety driving me mad; it's almost like time slowed. I wanted it to be enough time for it to end. I prayed with all my might.