Scientologists for Pritzker @JB4Thetons

J. Bob Pritzker for President 2024! End thetan inequality through social justice and dianetic materialism. Peotone Spaceport advocate. We/us Joined July 2022

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Scientologists for Pritzker @JB4Thetons

a week ago

Despite what the "mainstream media" has told you: Smoking crack isn't objective great, but better than drinking alcohol during pregnancy. LSD doesn't cross the placenta, so you can taste the sky as much as you want without hurting your spawn. Tylenol is better than a high fever.

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Scientologists for Pritzker @JB4Thetons

a week ago

All kidding aside, smoking crack is more effective than Tylenol.

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Scientologists for Pritzker @JB4Thetons

a week ago

So you're not supposed to take Tylenol when you drink, and you're supposed to drink when you're pregnant. Is it possible that RFK got the transitive property backwords and autism causes fetal alcohol syndrome?

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Scientologists for Pritzker @JB4Thetons

2 weeks ago

Avant garde idea: Jimmy Kimmel brings back a classic with a drag, blackface impersonation of Candace Owens. What could possibly go wrong?

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Scientologists for Pritzker @JB4Thetons

2 weeks ago

Had Nate Batgatze's promise to donate money at the Emmy's not just been a giant Scientologist money-laundering effort, all it would have taken was 2-3 actors saying "Thank you" and stepping away. And no one took the time to cover up the grift!

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Scientologists for Pritzker @JB4Thetons

3 weeks ago

What if it turns out that Charlie Kirk's assassin was entirely apolitical and just wanted to hook up with Jodie Foster? Despite what the porno industry would lead you to believe, there are not many lesbian assassins. So this could be a milestone.

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Scientologists for Pritzker @JB4Thetons

4 weeks ago

Broke: This is Tom Skilling's burner account. Woke: This is Ben Shapiro's burner account.

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Scientologists for Pritzker @JB4Thetons

4 weeks ago

If there is any argument against Trump deploying the National Guard in Chicago, this is it. youtu.be/GeetU_2ctJs?si…

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Scientologists for Pritzker @JB4Thetons

a month ago

If you are offended by the prospect of Jay Cutler engaging in consentual, homoerotic relations in prison, that ultimately lead to contracting a venereal disease, you should just unfollow us. He is still the greatest quarterback the Bears have ever had.

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Scientologists for Pritzker @JB4Thetons

a month ago

2 newsworthy takes: a) We congratulate Taylor and Travis. May death come "Swift"ly to their enemies. b) You know Jay Cutler is gonna buttfuck someone in prison. But consentually.

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Scientologists for Pritzker @JB4Thetons

a month ago

This is an outrage! 1. Where is O.J. Simpson? 2. We are not actually O.J. "truthers". We merely defend his Scientologist faith. 3. It was all clearly self-defense after Ron Goldman assualted him.

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Scientologists for Pritzker @JB4Thetons

a month ago

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Scientologists for Pritzker @JB4Thetons

2 months ago

You may be aware that our advocacy successfully exonerated both Jussie Smollett and Rod Blagojevich. Hooking up Cole Kmet with Ke$ha was a miss, but we are optimistic for our next grand project: getting Lindsay Lohan an Oscar.

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Scientologists for Pritzker @JB4Thetons

2 months ago

Money line is 7 minutes before Charlie Kirk tags in Berwyn Bob who recycles a parking meter upside Fuentes' head. Kirk has horrible views, but Fuentes has so defiled the good name of Berwyn that it's army of local weirdoes will pledge their loyalty in this battle.

Evan Kilgore 🇺🇸 @EvanAKilgore

2 months ago

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Scientologists for Pritzker @JB4Thetons

2 months ago

A better president than this current occupant would have seized control of all streaming services upon the death of Jim Lovell, to provide free access to Apollo 13 in his memory. Probably kidnap Ron Howard and make him write a sequel too.

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Scientologists for Pritzker @JB4Thetons

2 months ago

We support even incremental steps in the right direction. Next step: 1. Ban ALL psychiatry-driven therapy 2. Divest all state resources from any supporters of psychiatrists. 3. Deem psychiatry to be a dangerous cult. This is the Scientologist way.