John Middlebrooks @JohnMiddlebroo2
Joined August 2012-
Tweets400
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Followers25
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Following308
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Likes1K
I say to myself, "kill the hatred that's in your heart" 35 times before I reach the top of my feed. I need to find the strength to delete this damn app
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John Middlebrooks retweeted
"I stopped him and said, 'Look, this isn't a movie. You are not Will Smith in I Am Legend. Go home." This is the updated compilation of Italian Mayors losing it at people violating #Covid19 quarantine. Yes, subtitles are accurate.
John Middlebrooks retweeted
I'll be back in America in 2 days! I miss fries and my bf.
John Middlebrooks retweeted
if you do ANYTHING today, please please please watch this video. you wont regret it. 😂😂😂🤣🤣💀💀💀
John Middlebrooks retweeted
IF YOU DO ENOUGH UNPAID OVERTIME YOU GET A TOMBSTONE THAT SAYS GREAT TEAM MEMBER
John Middlebrooks retweeted
*The ball is respecting women*
"How the fuck can you drive in 2 lanes?" "Did they really just cut me off to do 5 mph under?" "You can't turn there it's illega...oh"
Hit one glorious stretch in the shower and now I feel like I'm FLYING!
Like if this is what aging is, someone just put two in the back of my head before I'm 35 and I'll make you a beneficiary.
I took one misplaced step walking up my driveway, and now I can't move my hips a mm without doubling over.
John Middlebrooks retweeted
PLANET EARTH: Car keys Ivanka! Now! IVANKA: I'm looking! PLANET EARTH: Where are the keys. Ivanka... IVANKA: (dangling keys) Sorry babe.
John Middlebrooks retweeted
Yes James Bond wore a romper, but you aren't James Bond
Approaching 12 hours of continuous sleep. It's everything I ever thought it would be.
Equally soothing and hilarious mcsweeneys.net/articles/i-wil…
John Middlebrooks retweeted
Model 3 was going to be called Model E, for obvious dumb humor reasons, but Ford sued to block it, so now it is S3X. Totally different :)
John Middlebrooks retweeted
Chuck Berry rolled over everyone who came before him – and turned up everyone who came after. We'll miss you, Chuck. Be good.
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