Jonathan Tortoise @JonathanTortoi1
An 185 year old tortoise and author of a new book. I don't even know how this tweeter thing works, but I'll give it a go. Too slow to follow anyone for long. jonathantortoise.com Retirement home Joined April 2022-
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Sea, sand, stunning scenery and swimming with dolphins, these memoirs have it all… but beware the unexpected 😱 Erupting volcano, drug smuggling, Obeah murder, escaped prisoners, hurricanes and much more. Full of drama, told with humour, an expat in the Caribbean 🏝️
Sea, sand, stunning scenery and swimming with dolphins, these memoirs have it all… but beware the unexpected 😱 Erupting volcano, drug smuggling, Obeah murder, escaped prisoners, hurricanes and much more. Full of drama, told with humour, an expat in the Caribbean 🏝️
Been hibernating for so long I've not been able to plug the autobiography about my life. I've always been a late sleeper. amazon.co.uk/No-Word-Lie-co…
New centenary edition of 'Attention All Shipping' out today, bambinos! All your favourite rubbish jokes and iffy anecdotes with the bonus of a few new ones jemmied into a new intro. And a snazzed up cover too, by jiminy. #shippingforecast
Did anyone catch me and Bobby on @BradleyWalsh Heroes of Comedy! Spoke very highly of us, thank you very much sir ❤️
This is a collection of short stories, funny, frustrating, and plain crazy. Situations and events that were so shocking or hilarious, had to be shared. One for that list of December good-reads!
This is a collection of short stories, funny, frustrating, and plain crazy. Situations and events that were so shocking or hilarious, had to be shared. One for that list of December good-reads!
🎄 There’s still time to order my book, One Last Shot, in time for Christmas 🎄 It would make a great present for the #Rovers #wba #chairboys fan in your life 💙💜🤍 Order before midday Tuesday for delivery in time for Christmas 🎅 simongarnerbook.co.uk
These two have worked hard to help me get my new book out. Couldn’t have done it without them. simongarnerbook.co.uk
These two have worked hard to help me get my new book out. Couldn’t have done it without them. simongarnerbook.co.uk
Tonight I'm getting wasted on very strong wine. Let the silly season begin. Cheers.
📚 I’ve had a special delivery today 📦 🚚 The final copies of my new book, One Last Shot, are finally here! And I’ve spent several hours this morning signing them for those who have ordered a signed copy ✍️ Order yours now at simongarnerbook.co.uk
Tickets now on sale for my Attention All Shipping show at @LinenhallMayo on 1st Feb, you lucky people! See you in the wesht. thelinenhall.com/whats-on/event…
Crowdfund a museum of the shipping forecast? Anyone got any rich pals they could shake down? news.stv.tv/north/north-ca…
WIN a bottle of Mossburn 12 Year Old Speyside Blended Malt Finished in Foursquare Rum Casks. RT & Follow @TheWhiskyWire and @MossburnWhisky for your chance to win! buff.ly/3Nr7laD (t's & c's apply) #MossburnBottleComp #BeInItToWinIt #Scotch #Whisky
WIN a bottle of Mossburn 12 Year Old Speyside Blended Malt Finished in Foursquare Rum Casks. RT + Follow both @TheWhiskyWire and @MossburnWhisky for your chance to win! buff.ly/3Nr7laD (t's & c's apply) #MossburnBottleComp #BeInItToWinIt #Scotch #Whisky
If you ever fancied living on the water be sure to read Val’s riveting account of her trials and tribulations renovating a beautiful old barge first! Wonderful stories!
If you ever fancied living on the water be sure to read Val’s riveting account of her trials and tribulations renovating a beautiful old barge first! Wonderful stories!
If everyone else is putting out Christmas ads, then I am too. Get your claws on my book here: amazon.co.uk/No-Word-Lie-co…
Bah Humbug. After two centuries of Christmas consumerism, this year I'm done. Except for this little link you can follow of course. 😉🐢. amazon.co.uk/No-Word-Lie-co…
Mine to be exact. amazon.co.uk/No-Word-Lie-co…
Albie the tortoise �.. @pedals121
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The Great Gatsby @TortoiseGatsby
5K Followers 5K Following I am 7! I love dandelions. I love all my buds! 💚🐢
Prince Toby the Torto.. @PrinceTobyTort
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Mostly tortoise, some.. @mcneany_matthew
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Albie the tortoise �.. @pedals121
2K Followers 2K Following I’m a four year old Russian tortoise 🐢 I love exploring and sitting in my boot!
The Great Gatsby @TortoiseGatsby
5K Followers 5K Following I am 7! I love dandelions. I love all my buds! 💚🐢
Prince Toby the Torto.. @PrinceTobyTort
1K Followers 924 Following Prince of Shelldonia. Cucumber connoisseur. Best friend of @LucyVAndrew. Editort-in-Chief at The Reptile Files. I'm a royal tortoise. Deal with it!
McKinley D. Turtle @bigmacdturtle
4K Followers 2K Following ORNJ TRTL I can climb a stair!!! he/him @mckinleyturtle2 Instagram @[email protected] @[email protected] mastodon
Gladys Beak 🐢 @GrumpyBeak
2K Followers 2K Following Side-eye specialist. Never knowingly cheerful. Likes: eating, sleeping, corners. Dislikes: everything else. Not a turtle.
Torchy The Diva @divatort60
488 Followers 91 Following I am a mediterranean spur thighed tort. I've been with my human since 1958 when I arrived here. I am young at heart & a Diva. I love green beans.
Tortoise of the Day @Tortoiseoftheda
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Herman Torty @TortyHerman
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ALBERT the tortoise® @AlbertTortoise
2K Followers 1K Following Real life mini-dinosaur. Wrangler: @IanBrownTV Picturebooks, ebooks, animated ebooks, Calendar, T shirts, Tote bags: https://t.co/sKTZ2VDxWK
Mostly tortoise, some.. @mcneany_matthew
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Simon & Her Human @SimonandHuman1
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240 Followers 301 Following I am a Girl Horsfield Tortoise, my Dad Simon looks after me, but insists on Water Torture! Well, Baths actually, I hate them!
Tortoise Lover @TortoiseMate
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Simon @SimonAngelanMin
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Dwayne the Tortoise @dwayne_deer
403 Followers 343 Following I am the star in the book The Dwaynedeer. I have never experienced Christmas so want to stay awake for sprouts, presents and fairy lights!
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Top find on the dog walk this morning. It’s a good un too. Like 1976.
At 192 it’s no wonder Jonathan (the worlds oldest tortoise!) likes a long, long, long nap!
Been hibernating for so long I've not been able to plug the autobiography about my life. I've always been a late sleeper. amazon.co.uk/No-Word-Lie-co…
Sea, sand, stunning scenery and swimming with dolphins, these memoirs have it all… but beware the unexpected 😱 Erupting volcano, drug smuggling, Obeah murder, escaped prisoners, hurricanes and much more. Full of drama, told with humour, an expat in the Caribbean 🏝️
CARIBBEAN MEMOIRS OF AN EXPAT #BVI #Montserrat #TCI 🏝️🐸🐬🍹🌋😎 High and Dry in the BVI amzn.to/3sSDfAP Treefrogs Can't Sing amzn.to/390O7Vb Don't Drop the Dolphin amzn.to/3Q6KsJl The Volcano, Montserrat and Me amzn.to/35IMZ6v
Monumental moment in my career and my life. I have dedicated 17.5 years as a pro to this game and countless other people have dedicated their lives to make my dreams come true. Words cannot express the adventure I have been on. Council estate to the Premier League and 600 games❤️
I have reluctantly come to the conclusion that I will never win an @omaze prize draw.
Tickets now on sale for 'Attention All Shipping' at the @CuttySark. It's going to be a really special night - the ship's 155th birthday and the last show of this centenary shipping forecast year. Don't miss out. Hoping I can get in myself. rmg.co.uk/whats-on/cutty…
While you were sleeping govt published this. 👇👇👇 By 2050 we're going to need another 5 billion litres of water per day, 35% more than currently supplied, we don't have it nor the means to supply it. Now you know what 33 years of profiteering and regulatory failure looks like
Today’s job: trying to write my name 500 times without smudging, for the signed special edition of How to Age Disgracefully for independent booksellers 😀 *pours coffee and flexes right hand.*
Never mind Kate, the REAL conspiracy is why the Street View camera cars haven't been allowed on to Brookside Close
My Dad (Mr Bennett) sadly passed away 2 weeks ago today. I still don’t quite have the words. He was my hero. I will miss him more than he will ever know. I love you Dad. Xxx
So, I'm now in Paris on a film job. Look who turned up on the corner of this boulevard. As I live and breathe, it's Jigg out of Jigsaw! We're going for some crêpes with his partner, Noseybonk tomorrow morning. It's all go in the world of showbiz.
Iron maiden cover 🤘🤘🤘 #Ironmaiden
@WriterLynnM If you check out @JonathanTortoi1 Lynn, you’ll see a tongue-in-cheek ‘autobiography’ has already been written! 😂🐢💖
Who allowed one of their mates to get rich on public money.....?
#Panorama's investigation into Mike Dwan’s Academy Schools group is quite something.... One school repair was allegedly charged at over £1/2 million but was estimated to have cost only £60,000
New centenary edition of 'Attention All Shipping' out today, bambinos! All your favourite rubbish jokes and iffy anecdotes with the bonus of a few new ones jemmied into a new intro. And a snazzed up cover too, by jiminy. #shippingforecast
@JonathanTortoi1 Ha! It may feel like that, but I only wrote one every two years 😉
🔥COVER REVEAL🔥 So excited to announce that my new novel, How to Age Disgracefully, is out in June! Pre-orders HUGELY appreciated! You can find it here linktr.ee/agedisgraceful… 😀🙏❤️
Looking forward to bringing my absolute ship show to Cambridge in June. Come along and have a lovely time. junction.co.uk/events/attenti…
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