Autolycus @KingAutolycus
The world is my kingdom, you are all my subjects, and taxes are due. Joined August 2010-
Tweets22
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Followers47
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Following4
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Just had to knock some sweaty lout unconscious for calling me a thief. Nothing worthwhile in his pockets anyway; he had no call to shout.
What's this National Wine Day business? That's every day for me.
A woman told me today I smelled like a pig. Upon presenting her with a pig, I forced her to admit that it smelled nowhere near as bad.
What do you MEAN I slept through May Day? I wasn't THAT drunk!
All the wine has made my memory a little hazy...what month is it? And WHERE IS ALL MY WINE?
I woke up this morning on a haystack, under a pile of women. Or was that UNDER a haystack, ON a pile of women?
And good morning, my rainbow-chewing dragonflayers. What's new and crinkly?
Met an old man yesterday who kept saying his daughter's a jewel. Disappointed to find out he was just a loving father & not a rich crackpot.
Honestly, people? Leaving valuables out in the open, or in your pockets, or buried with your relatives? It's like you WANT me to steal them.
It's about TIME I was brought another drink! Do these wenches expect me to go get it myself? Hello, KING of Thieves here, not Ale-Fetcher!
Okay, it was the inn's stable. And she shared a stall with a horse. BUT I PAID.
I generously donated a portion of my evening escorting her safely to the nearest village. I even paid for her to stay overnight at the inn.
I came across a woman stumbling through the forest by herself last night. She was badly scratched up and delirious, babbling about the dead.
In fact, I've liberated that bridge daily from those brigands for the past ten days. The traveling merchants have been VERY appreciative.
Where to go today? The day is young, and my pouch is heavy. I've recently liberated a bridge from some unruly brigands.
Okay, for the last time, who took my pants? King of Thieves here, people - my pants are NOT a souvenir.
What a great night last night...wait, where am I?
I heard a joke while gambling today. "Gold isn't everything; it's the only thing." Funny, but untrue. What gold is, is rightfully MINE.
A woman asked me last night if gold was more important to me then she was, then got angry when I asked how much gold. Women!
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