NOPE @KurtleIsATurtle

CLASSIFIED Joined May 2013

Tweets

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Followers

136
Following

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NOPE @KurtleIsATurtle

6 years ago

I knew a kid who went to the hospital because he fornicated with a hot pocket. He ended up getting 3rd degree burns on his weenie. Question is did he at least bust? Hot pocket > pocket pussy.

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NOPE @KurtleIsATurtle

6 years ago

My biggest regret is trying to impress a girl with a joker impression... It was fucking horrible! For the longest time I wondered why she wouldnt talk to me, I understand now!

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NOPE @KurtleIsATurtle

6 years ago

It's not everyday you see a guy in a wheelchair beat the shit out of someone!

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NOPE @KurtleIsATurtle

6 years ago

My favorite pastime is listening to tweakers telling me conspiracy theories

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NOPE @KurtleIsATurtle

6 years ago

Not to brag but I just took a MASSIVE dookie

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NOPE @KurtleIsATurtle

6 years ago

MRS. PIGGY IS GONNA BE PISSED! I ORDERED PEPPERONI AND HAM ON THE PIZZA!

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NOPE @KurtleIsATurtle

6 years ago

Ever just piss out a fart? Because me too!

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I havent been able to sleep for the past five days... The fact that a minecraft pig named PeePee PooPoo is way more famous than I will ever be. Its been keeping me up at night, I've been considering seeing a therapist! Thanks @pewdiepie #peepeepoopoo

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NOPE @KurtleIsATurtle

6 years ago

I just blew my own mind, idk if I'm an actual retard or a fucking genius. Typo is a typo of type!

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NOPE @KurtleIsATurtle

7 years ago

Why does my bathroom have to be the hottest room in the house? Its like 105° in the bathroom and I have to take a shit! This is madness, my shits take like 15 minutes! Only good news is that I'll drop in weight between sweating out an olympic pool and shitting my brains out!