7pm- in a lot of mental, emotional pain.. everything reminds me of the dog. everything. I go from smiles to laughing to missing her to crying. I am hurting more than anyone really knows. mom is clueless to how upset and in pain I am. I spent hours today throwing away mom's old clothes and some antique tables and so far she has no clue. most of this house needs to be trashed. antiques and other items that have sat here untouched and not cleaned or dusted in for ever. I can't get over how much I miss the doggy. I am angry I lost her. I am very angry what mom put me and the dog through when we moved in and I am very bitter I am living in a place that has not been taken care of in years. MOM wanted me to get a dog so me and the dog would have the house when mom passed. MOM lives on and the dog moved into a house that has not been taken care of in decades After I got mom to her nail appt today,, she came home and slept for 9 hours so far. she will FLIP when she sees what I threw out. I am doing more. I am being left a $2M estate that needs to be cleaned up. I will rescue a dog when mom is gone- I can't ever replace my baby girl but I will rescue. Until then, This place is going to get cleaned up while mom sleeps the rest of her life away. I feel like I am in a museum. A beautiful house that has not been treated well. nights are the worse...but I cry in the day and in the morning and in the shower and at night- I am lost