Momming & Dadding @MDadding
Parenting ain’t for the weak of heart....so you may as well laugh through the pain Louisville, KY Joined December 2018-
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Me: Say sorry or else you will watch zero TV today!! Toddler: mY sOrrY FoR NuFFiN! Me: Toddler: Me: Toddler: Me: *sigh of exhaustion* ...want to watch a show?
Other peoples kids in a store: 😙😇🤐🤫 My kids in a store: 😱🤮👺☠️📛‼️🔪🔥🗣😭
Me: *eating oreos* Toddler: wHaT yOu EaTiNg dADDy? Me: umm...carrots Toddler: mY hAvE SoMe? Me: (crap. Think fast. THINK FAST) Umm...these are magic carrots that would make kids very sick. Toddler: *40 yrs later in counseling* So yeah, my dad messed me up pretty good.
Me: Do you need to go potty? Toddler: nO mY DoNt hAvE To Me: are you sure? Toddler: My nO hAvE tO gO PoTTy! *an actual second later* Toddler: I pOOp iN My uNdErWeAr Me: (helplessly staring at the ceiling)
Friend: What are you guys doing for new years? Me: Going to bed at 8:00pm and mentally prepping to be verbally assaulted by my toddler in the wee hours of the following morning. You? Friend: Me: Friend: ...well, have fun...
If you’ve never had a silent “lunch date” in your driveway, quietly snacking down fries and a burger because your kid(s) fell asleep for 15 minutes...you ain’t a parent.
Me: how long has it been since the kids had a bath? Spouse: ..........??? Me: eh, Im sure they’re fine
📍Exhausting day with kids! | | | _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ | 📍brush their teeth | _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _| | | | 📍BEDTIME!!!
When there’s still an hour until nap time...
Toddler: *asks for something dumb* Me: No Toddler: yEs Me: No Toddler: sAy yEs! Me: No Toddler: *screaming* pWeAse sAy yEs! Me: No Toddler: *crying* sAy yEs!! Me: No Toddler: wHy yOu nOt sAy yEs?!? Me: No Toddler: *bloody murder* yEsSsSsSsSs!!! Me: .............sure
*5:13am* Toddler: cAn wE gEt uP? Me: It’s to early. Go back to sleep. *still 5:13am* Toddler: *yelling* WeTs gEt uP!!! Me: *trying to keep calm* Calm down. We will go out there in 5 more minutes *still 5:13am* Toddler: *livid* wE cAn geT uP nOw?!? Me: *screaming* FINE!
Toddler: dAddY, bLoW mY NoSe! Me: *grabs tissue hastily as if to be helpful* Toddler: nO, mY No wAnT tO dO iT! Me: *walk away quietly as to not make a a scene* Toddler: dAddY, yOu DiDnT bLoW mY nOsE!! Me: *re-grabs tissue to help* Toddler: *screaming* I dOnT wAnT tO!! Me:
Toddler: WhAt? Me: nothing Toddler: wHaT yOu sAiD? Me: I was talking to your mom Toddler: WhAt? Me: buddy. *frustrated* Nothing. Toddler: *visibly angry* WhAt YoU SAiD? Me: *yelling* I was talking to your mom Toddler: ..........my can have a snack? Me: ..........sure
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