Yesterday I led a Workshop for @jonnym1ller 's Nervous System Master community. Here are some of the main insights I shared on speaking 1. Speaking is a skill we are evolved to do effortlessly, yet many struggle with anxiety and stress around it. This often stems from fear of judgment, rejection, lack of safety, and learned behaviors that speaking up is not safe.
2. The solution is not to try to fix superficial symptoms like body language, but to go on an inner journey of building trust in yourself. This allows you to shed the masks and filters holding you back.
3. An important realization is that people cannot see what you feel internally. So even if you feel extremely nervous, it’s usually invisible to the audience unless you overtly show it. This can help release a lot of the pressure and tension.
4. Pausing is the most powerful tool in speaking. A real pause means stopping until the next insight arises, not just until you feel uncomfortable. Pausing allows you to access your “subconscious butler” who always has your next best idea ready, if you can relax into the silence.
5. Memorizing speeches word-for-word is dangerous because it inhibits flow and makes you vulnerable if you lose your place. A better approach is “rehearsed spontaneity” - knowing key points and stories but leaving room to adapt in the moment.
6. Speaking is ultimately a game, and it can be incredibly fun and freeing when you learn the techniques to master it. The path is to continuously expand your comfort zone through playful challenges and exposure.
7. When you’re truly in flow with your speaking, you should be discovering the words at the same time as your audience. You’re thinking out loud and being changed by your own speech in real-time. This leads to fresh insights arising in the moment.
8. Many people overly filter themselves when speaking to fit in or avoid judgment. But if the gap between your real self and speaking self is too wide, it will feel effortful and inauthentic.