British Object Authority @ObjectAuthority
The Object Authority is an independent research body dedicated to the serious investigation of unserious things. https://t.co/rq2LN02M9b Manchester, England Joined March 2026-
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Britain does not own its remote controls. It holds them. On behalf of the household. Until it doesn't. New BOA investigation. Link in bio.
At what point does the person holding the remote become responsible for what is on the television? The BOA is asking. Please reply carefully.
A 2014 study by the Wolverhampton Centre for Household Dynamics found that 61% of British adults have watched a disliked programme for over thirty minutes rather than ask for the remote. The remote was not far away.
Before the doorstop, a door was either open or closed. The doorstop introduced a third state. Britain was not ready. youtu.be/XWT1c1mMvsM?si…
1.4 million doorstops in the UK have not held a door open since the millennium. They remain in service. The nature of that service is unclear.
A 2018 survey found that 67% of British workers have interpreted a kicked-away doorstop as a personal rejection. They were correct.
Every hospital bed in Britain is level. Every operating table. Every runway. None of it achieved by eye. All of it confirmed by a bubble in a vial that does not care about your opinion.
63% of British adults own a spirit level they have never used professionally. They simply own one. In case. Episode 6 is available now.
The British Object Authority has completed its investigation into the spirit level. The bubble has been assessed. It was level. It was always level.
Every threshold in this country is guarded by something that cannot speak and refuses to move. Consider what that means. youtu.be/qATuGoPY4Ak?si…
A worn mat signals occupation. A new mat signals aspiration. A mat reading "COME BACK WITH A WARRANT" signals something else entirely. Episode 5 is available now.
In 1998, a planning dispute in Slough reached the High Court. The matter concerned a doormat placed outside a lease boundary by approximately four centimetres. Legal fees: £34,000. The mat: 50p.
No British person has ever entered a home without wiping their feet. This is not hygiene. This is performance.
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