Ordinary Wisdom @OrdinaryWisdom_
Joined November 2011-
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Bill Gates gives $4.6bn to charity in biggest donation since 2000 dailyamericanbuzz.com/2019/08/bill-g…
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If you feed me & have the heat on high. I will fall asleep on you. So to have a much more interesting date with me keep me hungry and cold
It's almost Christmas. which means it's almost time to hear my parents' new excuses for why Jennifer Lawrence isn't under the tree again.
If Earth was a rented apartment. ain't NOOOO WAAAAAY we're getting our security deposit back.
ub is to ask her. 'Is that what you're wearing?'
My first child has gone off to college and I feel a great emptiness in my life. Specifically. in my checking account.
If you don't let me in the bathroom. I can't guarantee your safety when you pee.
Pardon the mess. the dog startled me and I threw my shrimp scampi into the ceiling fan
Putting on a clean pair of underwear everyday is a great way to have seven pair on by the end of the week.
NASA WILL BE SENDING A QUADCOPTER CALLED DRAGONFLY TO TITAN knowledgeinflux.info/2019/07/nasa-w…
macking the bottom of a ketchup bottle) Fresh Tomatoes...(S
judge every book by its cover: 'Too smart for me' is what I say and then look at Twitter on my phone.I
gured out how to jailbreak my dog and now Im running all the cool cat apps on him watching him go nuts on a piece of string right nowFi
OMG I'M SO OLD AND OUT OF TOUCH WITH POP MUSIC WHAT SONG DOES BREXIT SING
Told my kids I loved them at carpool and no one responded so I yelled. ''I love you too!'' while hanging out of the sunroof.
So happy I got to see 'bucket list' added to the dictionary before I die.
[flashback to me snorting pepper because my kid dared me to]
Obama sends letter to prisoner he freed, who made the dean's list: 'I am so proud of you panthersharp.com/2019/07/obama-…
Job interview tip: Bring a box to the interview. point at it and say I do all my thinking outside of that. Then open some champagne.
Actions speak louder than words when you smack someone in the back of the head with a shovel
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