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_ @Ordinary_Ocean

California, USA Joined April 2016
  • Tweets
    280
  • Followers
    39
  • Following
    335
  • Likes
    66K
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GoldenBirdNews Profile Picture

🗞️ G. B. N. 🗞️ @GoldenBirdNews

5 days ago

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darth_erogenous Profile Picture

Darth Erogenous @darth_erogenous

a week ago

shooting myself in the head at the exact moment my wife gives birth in order to be reincarnated as my own son, having forgotten that buddhist scripture would require that I did this at the point of conception. i become a cuttlefish

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BigGengarFan04 Profile Picture

stars⛓️🗝️ @BigGengarFan04

2 weeks ago

She’s using me for my average dick and minimum wage paycheck and undesirable physique

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satti_humaira Profile Picture

Humaira @satti_humaira

4 weeks ago

Don't let a 10-minute problem consume a 24-hour day. The email was uncomfortable. The train was late. The conversation went poorly. Feel it, deal with it, then allow the rest of your life to remain intact.

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unotfbg Profile Picture

⟲ @unotfbg

4 weeks ago

left the gym and an older lady asked if i left any muscles for everyone else

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marcelinyaa Profile Picture

/ᐠ - ˕ -マ Ⳋ @marcelinyaa

a month ago

"3 inches isn't a lot" ok imagine dragons radioactiveeeee radioactiveeeee woahhhh owahhhh

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movieclip315821 Profile Picture

Pure Art 🖼️ @movieclip315821

a month ago

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killmyaffairs Profile Picture

karen novia d ale @killmyaffairs

a month ago

yo con 23 horas d tiempo en pantalla cuando veo a un niño usando una tablet

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messedupfoods Profile Picture

i like food @messedupfoods

2 months ago

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lemonade_grrrl Profile Picture

defleppardfan94 @lemonade_grrrl

2 months ago

fool me once why would you do that to me

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spongebobhamtwo Profile Picture

spongebobham2billion @spongebobhamtwo

2 months ago

Using the phrase "I'm willing to bet my life on it" as a way of saying I'm like 60% sure

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oldstocky Profile Picture

ol’ stocky ⛳️ @oldstocky

2 months ago

2 incomes is better than 1, make sure your girl has two jobs. Stay up kings 🥂

LeadingReport Profile Picture

Leading Report @LeadingReport

2 months ago

Stay-at-home boyfriends and husbands are on the rise as women overtake men in U.S. payroll jobs.

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UnderwearStain Profile Picture

I eat short people @UnderwearStain

2 months ago

Farted so hard i got put on every organ transplant waiting list because it fucked all of my body up

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ayobamiamisu Profile Picture

Bammy @ayobamiamisu

2 months ago

COVID really had me saying “ohh shit my mask” in 2020 like i’m Batman or something

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mikasagrada Profile Picture

mika @mikasagrada

2 months ago

POV: como é a sensação de voltar para o seu lugar depois de fazer a pior apresentação já vista pela humanidade (a pressão acabou):

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bleoodf Profile Picture

汉堡 @bleoodf

2 months ago

i feel terrible when people ask me how i am or what i’m doing. the same thing i do everyday. literally nothing changes about me ever

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yh_me2 Profile Picture

100 @yh_me2

2 months ago

I only socialize for research purposes

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chimajovita Profile Picture

Jovy @chimajovita

2 months ago

How I stare at random things at 7am instead of getting ready

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xiazfan Profile Picture

xia @xiazfan

2 months ago

y’all Be over the age of 14 hating on dark chocolate grow Tf up

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ysuckme Profile Picture

y @ysuckme

2 months ago

please don't stop now, because your life can change at any moment.

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