PR Adam Schefter @PrSchefter

When you survive a coffee table to the shin & live to tell about it

I am told the @Eagles vs @Giants game is expected to be delayed, as a weasel has been spotted roaming the sidelines #PHIvsNYG

🚨BREAKING UPDATE 🚨 Rashee Rice is on his way to Germany 🇩🇪 Some say it is to seek treatment, while others think he is auditioning for Fast & the Furious 13 Either way, not the news owners are looking for. Stay tuned….

⚠️WARNING ⚠️ The leaked texts are not for the faint of heart. The draft day collusion has several people calling for severe penalties to the Draft Weasel. In addition to fines, there may be restrictions placed on him at next year’s draft such as a Weasel cage

🚨BREAKING NEWS🚨 There has been a report out of Stinky where the Draft Weasel has outsourced his team management. Initially this was just speculation, however we have just received proof… more to come in this developing story

🚨🚨🚨DOCUMENTS CONFIRMED🚨🚨🚨 The notorious printout from the Deaft Weasel has been tied to the leaked thread. The Stinky Executive Board plans to address the media soon

The identity of “Eat Shit” has been CONFIRMED. Stay tuned as we continue to cover what many experts have dubbed “Weaselgate 2024”

My sources, who wish to remain anonymous, have leaked additional messages between the conspirators… The identities of the co-conspirators “Timmy” and “Eat Shit” are believed to be close to the Weasel. We will continue to cover this developing story.

Weasel Ryan has been nominated to receive a Stinky award for drafting Dalton Kincaid per Charissa Thompson

@barstoolsports @Cantguardmike sharted & went on IR for 2 years

UPDATE: Ryan Cap. has been released from the hospital. When asked about the incident, he replied “She is a strong woman. I barely remember it, but I still feel the pain.” It is still TBD if he will be permitted to attend the banquet, but it seems to be a game-time decision

@MichaelStover @FantasyPros Let me guess - this guy is short and needs attention

🚨🚨🚨BREAKING NEWS🚨🚨🚨 Bijan Robinson is already out for the year

🚨 BREAKING NEWS 🚨 With the first pick of the 2023 NFL draft, the Carolina Panthers select Papa Smurf @PapaSmurftv #NFLDraft #panthers

Happy Birthday to me 🥳💦

Several people have informed me of the #StinkyLeak offender… it’s exactly who everyone thinks it is. Stay tuned…

@LeagueStinky My sources close to the situation have indicated multiple fines including FAAB & Troy. Stay tuned as this story unfolds

Story has been verified from @Clariss55593176 as she was at the scene of the Double-A

BREAKING NEWS: Tonight’s game between the Vikings & Bears has been postponed. Kirk Cousins contracted COVID-19 while going Double-A with an unnamed Colombian man on a Vegan. Stay tuned as this story continues to unfold...

BREAKING NEWS: @AB84 has been spotted in a white Ford Bronco heading south being chased by police. Stay tuned for updates as this situation unfolds